he said, she said: the guest room

In ALL, HE SAID SHE SAID, PERSONAL VIDEOS by Stephanie Klein51 Comments

A horrendous editing job, but you get the point. Watch as we try to make ours. And I stand corrected: it’s an excellent reproduction, not a shitty one. But I still think it’s out of place in the room, and don’t get me started on the horrendous window treatments.

A YEAR AGO: Strangers Among Us
2 YEARS AGO: Things That Are Temporary
3 YEARS AGO: Christmas in March

Comments

  1. why didn't you go together to pick things out????

    FROM SK: We have tried, and we always left empty-handed because we could never agree. So finally, the day before our guests arrived, I went out and got something.

  2. All i got from this is that you two have waaaay too much money and time on your hands. And I have no words for Phil's hoodie.

  3. Wow…I really hope this was done as a joke. It seems bizarre to me that you would take sides so drastically about something as benign as guest room decor. If it really means that much to both of you, why not shop together and compromise as you go instead of ripping each other a new one after the fact? (I have to say, though, that I don't understand the problem with using furniture and accessories that you already have (lamp, bedside table, headboard, etc). In this economy it just makes sense. It does seem like 'pissing around the tree'. Considering the health issues we've read about here, it seems that you would not sweat the small stuff and relish your time together with things that really matter.

  4. Eek, while I like your taste, I gotta go with Phil on this one. If it was important to him that there was something representative of him in the room, I don't know why you'd go with a floral pattern. There are so many options. Those pillows hardly "man up" the bed. Again, I'm not saying I'd love his taste but it seems you could have been a little more bending on not making the room floral/feminine/all yours.

  5. how icky to spend so much time and energy on a petty pissing match. do you want a life or a reality show? this feels much like the latter.

  6. Phil, it's a guest room. Get over it. If it really doesn't matter to you and you want Steph to be happy, why did you make a video complaining about every. Single. Thing. in the damn room? This was annoying and uncomfortable to watch – an hour plus of production time your kids could have spent with you instead of the nanny.

  7. Haha.. you guys are funny. This looks like something I would have giggled through the whole time while making.

    I'm sure it seems petty to some, but this is something I totally get. Hospitality is important to me, I'm good at it, and I know it, and when I get a hospitality-related idea it's tough for me to compromise.

    My unsolicited two cents: I prefer the bed without the accent pillows. And I don't think the painting is that bad; it just doesn't go with the room.

    This was fun.

  8. OMG – get thee to marriage counseling and fast. This over a guest room? What happens when you have to agree on schooling, medical treatments, where to live, monthly budgets, etc? If you can't agree on a comforter how on earth can you live day to day? Both of you would rather "be right" than make the other happy. And it's frightening that you think this is funny. What a horrible, horrible way to live and "love"

  9. Phil reminds me so much of Tom Colicchio. Love his accent!

    I don't particularly care for the bedding. Maybe it's just the video, but it looks rather "'70s ranch-style home," which gets me thinking of linoleum tile. If you're going to go bright floral, I like this set from Pottery Barn: http://www.potterybarn.com/products/p10706/index.cfm?pkey=cpatterned-duvet-covers-shams — but yeah, I fully understand that it would trigger Phil's gag reflex.

    My husband literally only wears grey and black, and his style is very minimalist. As a result, our guest room is grey, black and white — and the rest of our condo is bright (still with clean lines — we both agree on that).

  10. Love it! Whether it is a perfect reflection of reality or a over-dramatization to make a point, the context is honesty in how relationships work through issues. Even if one ultimately concludes "seemingly bening issues" fit in the don't-sweat-the-small-stuff category, small-stuff issues end up in the fabric of our relationships.

  11. So this is all over a guest room?
    It is true that it is very girly. But all you did was to recuperate things that were in the attic, right? I mean, it's not as if you had plenty of beds and bedtables and lamps in your house from which you could choose… I don't mean to take sides, I can understand both point of views. Yet there could have been a better compromise on not choosing pink flowers and on using a frame which was already in the house (for the bedside table)

  12. I'd love to know how many commenters have told you to get marriage counseling. No, I don't think you have time to count this, but guessing would make for a fun contest. And the prize could be some delicious homemade baked goods. I'm going to guess 347. And since you don't have time to count, can we just declare me the winner? I'll be watching my mailbox…

  13. I thought this was cute and funny. Thank goodness I am not the only one that has these decorating issues with the husband. That said, I'm going with Phil on the decor. Good luck!

  14. Folks are sending you to marriage counseling over THIS? Honestly? I thought it was hilarious, and my husband would never have agreed to do something like this even though once we did it he would have thought it was hilarious.

    My only thought is that the room looks kind of dark – and I'm the queen of mismatch, so the fact that the painting doesn't go (which it doesn't) wouldn't bother me as long as it would (maybe) shut up the complaining.

    Eh, either way, the room has a story now. And apparently a bunch of jealous blog readers.

  15. This was fun and funny — it puts a different perspective on when you write about arguments/disagreements and so on.
    You didn't ask for opinions… but I'm sort of seeing Phil's point that you claimed to care what he wanted but ended up doing what you liked at the end of the day.

    1. I’m impressed by your wrnitig. Are you a professional or just very knowledgeable?

  16. Ha! This was interesting. And so are some of these comments! Why do others not think decorating is important? A home is not a home without some crap in it! I say buy up, it's for the economy and your mental state. And as far as I know, all couples argue about little issues and big issues. There is no non-argumentative way to live. Hell, I argue with myself when I'm alone! My husband and I tend to disagree over family heirlooms. He's attached to every piece of furniture his grandmother ever gave him. God forbid I say something is ugly, that would be insulting his dead grandmother. We are in the process of moving and I am thinking of sneaky ways to get rid of some of his collection. Look honey, this coffee table fits in the hall closet perfectly!

  17. I can totally relate! We just went through the same thing getting our house ready for sale – I take: guys will probably bitch anyway – so just do what you want, then pick one minor detail at the end that you can compromise on (for me, it was not replacing the hideous gold closet door knobs in the guest room), and he feels like he wins! AND, I totally agree with Rachel.

  18. You know, when I'm in someone else's house the decor/guest room is totally secondary to the feeling of warmth and love in the home. My parents bickered a lot about money, how the house looked, what exact shade of blue the sky was, the subject matter didn't matter as long as they could snipe at each other and make everyone around them, especially their children, miserable. The room looks fine. Quit talking about it and take your kids to the park.

    PS- Phil, if you read this, you're too manly to care about a guest room. Want to make your wife happy and totally in love with you? Wife: How do you like the new guest room? Phil: Love it!! You are the best decorator!!!

  19. Are you wanting feedback on how the room looks?
    Even if you aren't looking for feedback, you know you're going to get it from your readers with this video. :)
    Here's mine:
    1) Phil is very cute. Carries himself well on the camera and you might want to think about putting him in future videos for your books.
    2) The room- I like the khaki and navy (from what I can tell?) with the white headboard. Those are the colors of my living room actually and I find them soothing. The flowers? Yuuuuuuck.
    I hate flowers unless they're in a vase, not on covers or pillow cases. And even then it's usually just white ones I love, and tulips at that because they live a lot longer than others.

    Glad Phil didn't want it to look too much like a hotel room b/c that is how I was envisioning it when I read the other post about you redecorating the room.
    And there is absolutely nothing wrong with making your house suit your style, and putting money back into the economy.
    *eyes commenter above* Ahem.

  20. I rarely comment about others' comments, but this is exactly the kind of "petty" stuff that normal couples have a difference of opinion over. When my husband and I moved in together, back when he was just a boyfriend, I very craftily relegated all of his stuff to the basement. Eventually, we have evolved into a couple who has shared furniture, but not always shared taste. And THANK GOD! Find me a man who has the same appreciation as I do for white, white everywhere and we have ourselves a new best friend, but certainly not a husband! I also say that if you have the money, please spend it. We need those who can to keep our economy afloat! While those of us who cannot will continue to enjoy the posts of a lifestyle we wish we could attain! And last but not least, your hair seems less curly. Is this not the case? And if so, what gives?

  21. That was funny, and I doubt it is an imtimate picture of their marriage. Lighten up, folks.

    Submit that to HGTV for the show where they come up with a compromise between husband and wife aesthetic tastes. Maybe you'll get new everything out of it. :)

  22. I have been reading your blog for years. Bought your books and in general have always found you witty & amusing with a wonderful turn of phrase. Having battled Cancer now for years{from 31 to 36} I completely get that life moves on and you can't live 24/7 worrying about what is coming next with illness. But would it have killed you to make the room more about him? You engage all of us when you write of your worry and fear of losing Phil. You wrote so eloquently just a few post back of his love for you and yours for him. Why didn't you just buy a different frame and keep the painting that obviously he likes. By what your video shows- whether you two were joking or not- it feels like he would have not so noticed the things you chose that were floral and "you" if you had incorporated more of him into the design and purchases. Perhaps another piece of art that he enjoys or a few framed photos that he has taken. Even a few decorative items that spoke more toward his taste. To show him that you hear him and want to include him. It is hard to read your (or in the case watch) your blog and not feel a slight bit of "What the fuck is wrong with her"- You are both blind and foolish if you don't suck ever happy minute out of your lives together that you can. It just seems from the video and what you wrote that he would have enjoyed being considered in a larger and more visual impact then throw pillows.

    FROM SK: To be fair, our bedroom, the one we sleep in every night, is decorated with "his" bedding, from "his" apartment, from when before he knew me. It's "his" bed and art. And we did do this in the spirit of fun. It made us both laugh.

  23. Oh man, *definitely* keep this "he said, she said" video idea coming. I love watching the two of you "debate". It's so real. Don't let anyone give you crap about it. You and Phil arguing is pure gold!

  24. What did you do to this poor man to make him obsess about the guest room like that?

  25. Phil is fucking hilarious. He's to the point, typical alpha male so no shocker he doesn't want to futz around with bedding/decor. And really, if he did you'd have to wonder.

    That painting made me laugh. That overwrought 'gold' frame does look like something out of a roadside motel, I'll give you that. This video was funny. I think you need to get a photo of Phil, blow it up (preferably a head shot) and hang it over the bed. Think large posters of General Mao.. that kind of deal. It's be hilarious and a way to say ok, let's incorporate a little more 'Phil' into the room. Giant photo above the bed. Problem solved!

  26. Your husband is hilarious.Phil is to the point, alpha male so I can see he doesn't want to futz around with decorating. And really, if he did you'd have to wonder.

    That overwrought 'gold' frame looks like it was pulled from a road side motel, I'll give you that.

    This video was funny. I think you need to counter this with hanging a picture of Phil up over the bed. Preferably a head shot, blown up…think of those posters of General Mao. Ominous and funny all at once. It's a way of incorporating Phil into the room, no? Then again I have a warped sense of humor. The painting? It could find new residence in the guest closet in the meantime.

  27. oops. SOrry I posted twice as my computer had some weird anti script message pop up..

  28. a few things
    a)I'm glad you cleared up that this is a joke, because even though I suspected as much, I was kinda concerned if it wasn't.
    And to all those of you who say "This is normal, arguing etc is part of a ralationship….of course it is, that's not what people are worried about, it's the public display of one-upmanship – a loving, respectful relationship should not be about "winning" – that's a fools road to heartache, a phyrric victory and a shameful waste of time – Stephanie and Phil have too much at stake for such stupidty.
    b)Phil, you got a nice way aboutcha
    c)Stephanie, you're looking great
    d)I thought the bed looked lovely

  29. You might think about redecorating Phil…a zip hoodie with no undershirt – who wears that? other than that, the bed was kinda cute, though it came off more hotel-like than warm.

    SOMEONE WEARING AN EXTERNAL DEFIBRILLATOR VEST

  30. This video is so funny, my husband and I have the exact debates. We compete all the time when it comes to decorating and then usually we ambush our unsuspecting guests to decide who has better taste.

  31. First, I loved the video. Phil does really well on camera – speaks well, moves well, just makes it fun to watch. Although, that striped hoodie? GAY.

    Second, ss for the room, I liked it. I don't think there is anything wrong with using what you already have – especially since Phil doesn't sound like he wants to spend any extra time or money on it.

    Third, I don't really know why Phil even gives a shit about the room. He's a man. Go do manly stuff and leave the decorating up to Stephanie, who clearly knows what the hell she's doing. As for wanting your guest room to look/feel like a hotel room, I'm with you on that. I love the white, crisp, triple sheeted beds, the cushy comforter, the thousands of pillows and the coordinating, clean lines of it all.

    Overall, I think you did great. I think you should do more he said/she said videos or videos in general.

  32. it was funny.. seriously, people lighten up. jesus.

    am i the only person who thinks that him hating flowers and you going out and actually buying something with flowers IS a part of what is kinda funny–in a playful way?

    by the way, it is fascinating how different people can have such distinct interpretations of something. it would never occur to me to tell you to "get marriage counseling" after this particular video. it's obviously done playfully with Phil admitting that while he feels like you generally do what you want, that he doesn't really give a sh*t about the guestroom. i mean, it doesn't sound like he is loosing sleep over the bedspread, per se.

    i'm sure that to balance things out, his desires or preferences for something shortly after GuestRoomGate got catered to. it's a balancing act.. it's the way it works and your video doesn't have to reveal every thing.. jeez..

  33. it was funny.. seriously, people lighten up. jesus.

    am i the only person who thinks that him hating flowers and you going out and actually buying something with flowers IS a part of what is kinda funny–in a playful way?

    by the way, it is fascinating how different people can have such distinct interpretations of something. it would never occur to me to tell you to "get marriage counseling" after this particular video. it's obviously done playfully with Phil admitting that while he feels like you generally do what you want, that he doesn't really give a sh*t about the guestroom. i mean, it doesn't sound like he is losing sleep over the bedspread, per se.

    i'm sure that to balance things out, his desires or preferences for something shortly after GuestRoomGate got catered to. it's a balancing act.. it's the way it works and your video doesn't have to reveal every thing.. jeez..

  34. my only question is…why does he care so much??? My husband would rather watch the worst, most annoying reality TV (which he hates) than give two s@#ts about guest room- or any room- stuff.

    I agree that it comes down to control…but again…why? Why would a regular guy care about controlling what the guest room looks like?? I just…don't…get..it…and I'm sorry but it makes me happy I'm married to a messy, sloppy, easy-going guy.

  35. pretty funny and actually sweet and sad it the same time..
    but that's life
    we do argue over little things and that's what makes life worthwhile….
    I definitely agree with Phil – get rid of the flowers, they are just ugly….
    but of course in the end it is just a guest room…so as long as the bed is comfy your guests should be happy :)

  36. the painting is "ugs" that is such a funny word.
    i am going to try to integrate it!

    as for the room: yeah, it's ugs.
    but you two already know that.

    it was fun to see phil in live action.
    in all his photos he always looks so soft spoken and docile.
    (contrary to your posts)

    i think you two seem like a very fun couple!
    both: so new york!

    more videos please.

  37. That was hilarious!

    I have to say that the bedspread is not so cute. But the room has definite potential.

    And I really don't want to continue the criticism, because I thought the video was funny. BUT I have the agree that the hoodie is not so cute either. Sorry Phil.

  38. I wasn't quite sure what I was about to watch until I was already watching it. Now I feel a little embarrassed. Disagreements like this seem like such a personal thing to be sharing with the whole Internet.

  39. Stephanie,
    I love the video. My husband and I have lived in our house for 6 years now and we still have lots of decorating to do. At some point it just becomes too exhausting to have to negotiate on every little detail. I completely get the pissing around a tree thing. So true.

  40. wondering when we're going to see the post about your 2nd divorce???

  41. I have so say this struck a major chord. Two days ago my sig. other and I went couch shopping for the umpteenth time. Once again we came back empty-handed, grumpy, and at a loss. We've been looking for a couch for 2 years now…

  42. Phil is a doll & considering that your time may be limited with him, I would spread wild deer musk and manure over the floor if it made him happy.

    Don't forget the gun rack over the bed.

  43. Okay, this was hilariously funny. I love how he does that little impression of you at the beginning, because wow, does he sound exactly like you. I'm with you on the painting of his though..definitely ugs! haha

  44. You both are incredibly cute. Steph, I have to side with you on this one. And sorry, Phil, I really don't like the painting in that room. Seriously, when did men get so opinionated about home decor? I miss the days when they let us just do our thing.

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