I’m a total slut when it comes to Mondays. Wednesday is so not happy hump day ’round these parts. My Mondays are always full of joy… because I know the Bachelor is on. Pathetic? Absolutely. And not just the stagings of the bachelor, but my favorite sitcom: The Big Bang Theory. I endure MTV’s The City, but mostly it bores and irritates me, and I’m ready to give it up. And this is what my life has become.
There. I said it. There was a time when I used to, straight-faced, say, "I don’t really watch TV." I wasn’t one of those extremists who believed it was evil and the damnation of family life, which it of course is. I simply didn’t have time for it. I was too busy living my life to watch someone else’s. And then I got what I asked for. A life of refrigerator magnets and voices calling my name when I walk through the door.
I am thankful for my life, for my health and the health of the people I love. I’m so lucky to have had my dreams come true. To have had children, to be married to a man who’d never lie to me, ever. To have found things in my life that I love to do, and to have figured out a way to get paid for doing what I love. I’m so lucky. But where do you go from here?
You go to the sofa. You go to the refrigerator. You go to facebook. You hide in all the busy to prevent the truth from bubbling up to the top: that you want it all. That you want to be a full-time mother, and that you don’t want to be a full-time mother. That you want to support your family, and that you want to be taken care of. You want someone else’s grass when you should be fertilizing your own lawn. You want more stories in your life, more LIFE in your life, and I’m not sure about how that happens in Austin, Texas. I’m ready for a change. For new, for exciting, for slutting it around, for living sloppier and leaving the sofa, for doing instead of reading about doing. How we respond to uncertainty in our lives is what defines us.
3 YEARS AGO: Before, Obsession
4 YEARS AGO: In the Nick of Time
5 YEARS AGO: Lunchlady Land
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Why not sign up and do something new? Take on a new challenge. What about scrapbook year two for the toddlers? Did you complete that? Why not sign up to teach an online mediabistro course like your friend Kim? I know it's more work and all, but its something different, something where you could use all your wonderful experiences to teach other want-to-be writers. And I'll go for something that I've said before: why not plan for an international trip with your hubby? You've got a wonderful nanny, why not take off to Costa Rica for a week? Vietnam, you've mentioned before. (might be a little more difficult because of time zone). But all the above renew and make you more satisfied for what you do have.
Have you watched How I Met Your Mother or 2 1/2 Men on Mondays? Those two are my all time favorites, and they make Mondays that much more bearable!
Sadly my Mondays consist of the same thing, the bachelor, gossip girl and one tree hill. My husband teases me that I'm regressing to 16, maybe he's right – no responsibilities, no one to ask me to sign off on this project, no house of my own to come home to and clean. Life was so much simpler then. However like you I don't think I would go back, maybe I'd just like to take a dip there once in awhile.
Who are you rooting for on the bachelor? Molly or Melissa? I'm still pissed Jillian was sent packing last week….but out of the two I'm rooting for Melissa.
God I love your honesty. To be able to say "I want it all…" and admit that you might not want to be a full time mother all of the time…that you might want to be taken care of…that has to feel great!
If I were to admit some of the things I keep in, who knows what might happen!!
Thanks…
I really enjoyed this post. It takes guts to admit what we all feel, even if we don't admit it because we're afraid that we sound selfish, immature, or petty.
But the reality is, a life of home-work-home-family-tv-bed-work, etc isn't enough. And throwing in a week or two of vacation where you do the same thing in a different state, town, or country doesn't count as adventure.
The key is to get out of the rut in a way that is more meaningful than picking up a new hobby or going shopping for new crap.
I feel like you are talking to me directly(that is why you are so good at this). Age has a lot to do with indulging in life freely, Bachelor and all! I am a 34 year old woman that just recently realized that I had been missing out on great t.v. and more importantly I dont give a shit what people think anymore.
My Confession:
When I am invited somewhere on a Monday, I tell people I have plans because of the Big Bang Theory. Not just because it is the funniest sitcom on TV, but I have a crush on Sheldon.
You just described my life to a tee – the couch, refrigerator, facebook, and The Bachelor. Sad, I know.
There's so many days when I think I want messier. I want to move back to LA and feel the energy of a city again.
But then again, I've been there and when I was, all I wanted was to be here.
have you seen this spoiler about the bachelor???
I so hope this is not true, cause if Jason agreed to that, I'm so over him!
Oh I love Monday night tv. Mine goes as follows…. The big bang theory, how I met your mother (which I am currently OBSESSED with) and then finally john and Kate plus 8
Ahhh The Bachelor!! I know it's reality, most likely scripted television, but I can't seem to help myself when it comes to this guilty pleasure.
I wanted to ask you and your fellow readers if they have heard any rumors on how this series was going to end? I have heard that he's going to pick Melissa but then dump her on "After the Final Rose" and choose to be with Molly.. and another rumor was that this was the plan from the beginning so that Melissa could then go on to be the next Bachelorette..
Has anyone else heard this!??!
FROM STEPHANIE: If I were writing Melissa as a character in a novel, I'd describe her as mousy. She's the girl who gets excited to exercise, who watches how much time you have left on the elliptical machine, so she can have her turn. Molly seems like she's got it together enough, except sometimes, you get the gut instinct that she's a little psycho. Just a little.
And then there's Jillian, or was Jillian, with whom I'd want to make babies and spend the rest of my life. If I were into vagina. What a huge mistake he made. Oh how I love Jillian. I love her as much as I loved Shane from an earlier season. The thing is, no matter who he chooses, it doesn't mean he ends up with her in the end (as we know from all the other Bachelor seasons). I almost feel like there's no point in watching now that Jillian is gone. Almost.
I say move if you don't like Texas. You only live once.
I'm guessing it might depend in part if your show gets picked up, and you have to move to LA?
Be where you want to be. It's easier now, before your kids are in school and everything as well.
By "slutting it up" I don't think she meant taking on a new scrapbooking project… that's hardly the excitment that most of us are looking for. Maybe you should try Pole Dancing with a girlfriend? I did it when my daughter was only 10 months (she's 3 now) – and it made me feel kinda sexy again.
Sadly, I find that when I do make plans to go out dancing or whatever with my girlfriends and leave my husband with the kids – I just want to back out at the last minute anyways. Something about this life (you described mine to a T, but for me it's House or Biggest Loser) just sucks away all your energy or ambition to try or do something new – even though it's probably exactly what you need. I keep thinkig things will pick up in 18 years when the kids are off to university :)
So true. I watch much more TV now than ever in my life. I try to tell myself that it's just entertainment, but I really think it is a form of escape for me. Like books. Sooner or later, I know I'll have to spring into action, but now I'm just enjoying the peace. I don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing right now, so I do very little outside my normal routine. When my life kicks back in gear, I'll wistfully look back on these TV watchin, popcorn snackin moments.
The Bachelor…very disppointed in Jillian's release. She was the only one left that was mature enough to handle his lifestyle. The others are not ready and he has to see that, but he wants the girl that would have been out of reach when he was in high school.
Lisa… I have a crush on Sheldon too! I love that guy!
I love Mondays because of the Bachelor…I always thought I was pretty pathetic…nice to see other people use this as their silver lining too!
I think we all need to work on "fertilizing your own lawn." Why is that so hard? I am 23 and constantly struggling with wanting to feel settled vs. being a carefree nomad with no real responsibilities. I know I need to just relax and enjoy being young and poor with a full social calendar. Meh.
I now say "I don't watch TV… except on Mondays." I am addicted to The Bachelor, always have been. (Oh, and Gossip Girl and The City).
LolaD, I have heard those rumors too. But like Stephanie, I almost, almost, lost interest when he got rid of Jillian. What was he thinking? And how could he possibly pull the "friend card" after that hot tub scene?! That girl has her shit together. Talk about a serious girl crush!
(Not to mention I think there were some serious red flags with Melissa on the Hometown Date. And I don't feel the chemistry between Molly and Jason he refers to.)
maybe it is how we respond to the CERTAINTY that defines us. how we respond to the routine, to predictability.
Well, at least you've got company! I, too, have the stupid Bachelor addiction – tolerate The City and enjoy Big Bang Theory. Only I'm single…and deciding whether to go out tonight for a late happy hour (where I actually have the opportunity to meet new/interesting people, maybe even my own bachelor) or stay home and watch…primarily so I can catch Jillian one last time. I should wait to watch it online tomorrow….we'll see. Anyway, agreed regarding Melissa – mousy, with not much interesting to say. Molly is OK, but a bit too reserved. At this point, I don't really much care how it turns out, now that Jillian is gone.
How about taking a class? I know you've mentioned classes you've taken before, like photography, but maybe something about which you know nothing. I imagine UT has a great Continuing Ed program. You seem to be able to dip your hands into all sorts of things and find hidden talents…maybe it is time to find a new one?
Haven't watched the Bachelor this season, but I can relate to the sentiment. For us it's been Battlestar Galactica on Fridays. We moved to the 'burbs about a year ago thinking it would be a great place to raise our kids. And it is. It's just an awful place for adults. We're now looking for a house in San Francisco. The one upshot to this crappy economy is that we might just be able to afford a nice place in SF. Just making the decision to do it and spending time in the city looking at open houses has been so invigorating. I'm starting to feel a bit more like myself again.
Stephanie, I'm coming at this from the opposite side. I just moved into the city from the suburbs, and I feel like everything is a mess, getting around is so not simple anymore…I went from a laundry room as big as my new bedroom to hauling laundry down four flights of stairs (don't forget the quarters)
I'm starting to give up the perfection a little bit, to be ok with not having a place for everything in my new digs, to learn to focus on how much fun it is to walk out my door and have so much available to me.
Any advice? What are you missing that I can be thankful for? Because right now I just miss my clean house and having a driveway and fresh air and all the parking options in the giant lot at Costco…
Hi Cori- San Francisco is the city that I am referencing in my post above. I too am going to attempt raising children in SF-in a year or two. Someone screamed "breeder!" at a friend of mine visiting with her children. This doesn't always seem to be the most child-tolerant city…..
Okay, Stephanie and you others. Here's the key to a fullfilling life. You must become more aware of all the little things in your life. As you notice each moment of your day, you'll find that your life is full and rich.
It's hard to do. I don't do it all the time, that's for sure. But no matter where you go or how hard or easy your circumstances are, if you are aware of the pleasure of washing your hands, the smoothness of the soap and warmth of the water, and all the small things like that, you'll be astounded at the life you have.
I know this comes across as pretty bossy. But I didn't find this out until I had wasted so many years being dissatisfied (but not in any big ways) with my daily life. As I age (I'm 56)and I see my body changing, it's important to me to be able to let go of my wilder, more exciting times and hold heaven in that grain of sand. Or whatever.
FROM STEPHANIE: I always do this, privately. Every night before falling asleep, I think of all I'm thankful for. The voices in my house, the giggling sounds as the sprouts speak to each other in the dark, this amazing space. I'm thankful for my walk in closet, for really good thick hair conditioner, for chocolate chip cookies, and campfires. I always pay attention to the smaller things. I don't think I'll ever stop appreciating them. It really is the way I see the world. It's why I always love having a camera in hand. So I can try to snap them up and cling to them. I do miss, though, having more energy, being around really supportive people who nurtured my creativity and encouraged me, excited me. I need more of that here.
Stephanie, in just a couple of years your kids will need you less, time-wise. A couple of years after that, they'll need you even less. Then they'll be teenagers and want you to pick them up a block from the movie theater. They'll always need you but before you know it you'll have a lot more time on your hands. Hang in there.
Damn…thanks for the spoiler alerts ladies!!!
stop ur wingin' girl! you hold up ur husband's "not lying" trait as if MOST MEN DO LIE! you were married to a shit before this one and so ur slanted view is geared to be focused on that. I dont think most women would do anymore than file it to the back of their minds that their husband is anything but honest….besides, your husband is a screamer….sorta negates any good qualities……IMHO!!!!
I totally agree with Been There Too. My most enjoyable evenings are when I turn the TV off (even if there is something I would like to watch) and start being aware of what is around me and of my feelings, all the info my senses give me.
TV is mostly a time robber. And while travelling and learning and being adventurous is great, fulfillment lies inside oneself. On the other side of the world… or right there where you're sitting.
@Julia – I'm sorry to hear about that. Some people can just be @$$holes. I know there are a lot of really cool people in the city too though. Assuming you still have a car, there is a huge, awesome Costco in Novato just a half hour drive north of SF. When I lived in LA it used to take longer than that to drive from Santa Monica to Costco in Marina Del Rey.
This is exactly the type of post I needed to read today…it is what resonates in my head lately. You worded it all perfectly.
Ahh yes. The "where the Hell did my life go" blog. I love, love, love it. One night when I was getting ready to go to bed I realized that my life was like the movie "Groundhog Day." The same thing day in and day out. Then I took a Spanish class (I still suck), joined the writer's guild (why are so many people published and I'm not?), and started doing things that I enjoy. You can be a great mom, wife, employee (whatever) and still be YOU! Just take a re-assessment of the you, you want to be, and make it happen! I'll be rooting for you…while watching House, Fringe, and Burn Notice. Oh, and the mindless drivel that is MTV reality TV. Good luck, my friend!