I can’t imagine anything worse than surviving your own children. It must always be with you, every day of your life. And when you find you’re enjoying yourself, I imagine you feel guilty, even though you know you shouldn’t. I hate that hurt in life, those events that throw your world up in your face and you wonder if you’ll ever return to normal. You don’t even miss happy, just normal. So much of life is terrifying. I hate pain and uncertainty, which are often two in the same but shouldn’t be. "Uncertainty" should be embraced, it should be spelled "opportunity." You should see the unknown as an adventure. Intellectually, you know these things. Emotionally, you want what you want. And it’s so hard to see the possibility that what you want is actually keeping you from something better. It’s hard to have faith.