(un)comfort food

In ALL, FOOD LOVE by Stephanie Klein29 Comments

comfort
 

I’m a moo right now. I won’t step on a scale, there’s really no need. I could lie and say my pants feel tight, but the truth is, I can’t feel much of anything because my pants are cutting off circulation. I’ve been a shut-in for the past few weeks, very rarely leaving the house, and when I have, it’s been to go out and eat. I have a fast approaching deadline and have ignored my waistline and the word restraint.

Between acts, or when I’m stuck on how a certain scene should play out, I check the fridge for an answer. I’ll watch TV, but when I consider exercise, I’ll tell myself there’s no time, I should be writing. A lie. I look in the mirror and think, "I’m in proportion, though. I mean, I still look good." Except while the proportion remains in tact, it’s also expanding, which makes my clothes kinda pissed. Cause they don’t fit.

I watch scenes on TV, happy people showing up in red dresses, tasting appetizers, raising glasses, and all I can think is that if I were invited to a holiday party right now, I wouldn’t go. I’d have nothing to wear. I couldn’t wear a pretty dress. I’d be that self-conscious person, pulling at her dress, standing just so. I don’t like when my thoughts about my weight stop me from doing things. It’s no way to live.

I know what I need to do. I just have to be disciplined enough to do it. I have to change my habits and get back into a healthier mindset. The trouble is figuring out how to satisfy that need I get when the day is over, when I’m still struggling with work, and the only thing I’m looking forward to is something sinful. Like the cookies my neighbor just brought over. Or the cookies I made last night because there wasn’t anything sinful in the house!

Comments

  1. I just have to say that I think its amazing that you can keep a healthy attitude about this. If I had a website filled with gorgeous pictures of me at 115 pounds, I would be obsessed with recapturing that, rather than enjoying the sweet things in life.

  2. Hard to read this whilst I sit here craving oysters and macaroni and cheese and muffins and now, cookies. Maybe if I just walk around with my pants unzipped…

  3. I'm that girl at the party. I'm that girl at every social situation I attend. I hate it. This is a rough time of year to try to be diligent. All we can do is our very best. January's coming.

  4. those of us who struggle with our weight feel your pain, I hate when I eat myself into nothing to wear and dont want to shop up a size cos "i'll lose it soon", its especially hard this time of year cos you think you'll just wait till january, I have been dieting now in anticipation of what I can eat at xmas.

  5. I hear you. I was in a serious car accident just over a month ago and between the sleep and pills and hot baths and ice packs and physio I've felt the need to stuff my face. I haven't been able to cook, so most of what we've been eating is out of a box. And while lying around all day convalescing in pjs or sweats, watching TV or reading to stave off boredom, there seems no greater complement than chocolate…

  6. Girl….I know just how you feel. I almost considered not coming to work today because I hated the thought of wearing work clothes. All I want to do is be home in my pj's (i.e., in elastic waist clothes). I think it's the time of year. But it does end up making me miserable so I would be better off just putting the gym time in. It's awful.

  7. i feel EXACTLY the same way..i told my mother the other day that i didn't feel like doing anything (exercise-wise) because it's the end of the year and i'm just tired.

    thank god tights are in….i'll be wearing them to just about every holiday party/dinner/event in this 80 degree non-christmasy miami weather.

  8. my mom made like 2,000 cookies and left them at my house. so i thought i was so smart, freezing half of them. but you know what? they taste good frozen too. :(

  9. Boy can I relate to this post! I have totally let down my food guard this year and I look like it. I haven't seen my parent since last year and they came down Thanksgiving and when my father was leaving he told me "We need to get you back down to where you were." So, yes, I look like a cow. Thanks Dad. Right before they came I joined a gym so I'm on the right track, I just need to get back on my food program. I saw a great party dress the other day and almost cried knowing it would never fit me now.

  10. i hear you.
    i've not done many a thing because of my self consciousness re: my weight and body image.
    it f'king blows.

  11. You are clearly not alone! Average weight gain for Americans is, what, 12 pounds at this time of year? But let's just ignore our national propensity toward obesity and embrace the holiday spirit. The key, I think, is to just accept the fact that enjoying the holidays means I may have a little more padding come January. And since it's freezing outside (yes, I'm in LA, but it's all relative), that padding is a gift. So I should happy and care-free. Or at least that's how I rationalize eating the 7th gingerbread cookie…

  12. girls! this is no attitude to have at what's supposed to be the happiest, most loving time of the year! reading this stuff makes me so sad, not only because i see some of myself in it, but because i know it's DUMB and you all are beautiful, valuable human beings who love and are loved, but for some reason, can't get past the mirror. and why is it that you could never find a blog of men complaining about their bear bellies and wings? we are our own worst enemy.

  13. Or the best excuse of "I think ALL of my clothes shrunk while washing them!"…totally on the same page…have been so stressed at work that I've gained a million pounds without noticing. I wish I was one of those ppl who can't eat when stressed but I'm totally the opposite…aside from eating salads and working out – any tips for dropping pounds asap (without ingesting some crazy acai berry concoction)?

  14. I can tell you that I haven't worn my jeans in about 2-3 months because they're too tight and I refuse to buy anything bigger. So, I wear a dress or yoga pants, just about everywhere. God bless Lululemon for making yoga pants with the roll up. roll down waist. I roll that bitch up, instant stomach control and everyone thinks I've lost weight. Yeah, basically I wear a girdle every day.

    I really need to call my nutritionist back and follow her plan. And use that digital food scale I bought to measure out my portions but have only used to weigh chocolate chips for recipes.

    So, I feel ya.

  15. Hi Stephanie and other fellow emotional eaters!

    I am all about comfort food, and I will find just about any reason to indulge. As Stephanie puts it "The trouble is figuring out how to satisfy that need I get when.. "

    Well, I am finally learning to gain control over this behavior and how to substitute other "rewards" for comfort food. I learned TONS of valuable information from my friend Andrea Albright, who wrote a book that deals with exactly these types of issues.
    You can tell from the title: "How To Lose Weight By Feeding And Nourishing Your Spirit"

    Check out her site:
    http://tinyurl.com/4ta6nn

  16. I feel exactly the same and you know what when you first come to the US and had never those endless fast food stuff before you could cry after you looked in the mirrow. After 5Kilos more in less than 4 months and a new jeans size you wake up, to late and it is rainy in texas right now and a other day it is to hot and the next day you have to watch this good tv show… I totally understand you.

  17. Ugh. I am right there with you. My pants are uncomfortable right now and they are always talking to me, "We're too tight! You're gaining weight! Do something!"

  18. Weigh yourself every single day. I know some days it may seem like a waste of time, trust me it helps. Seeing the number up will give you some more incentive to put that bagel down. Conversely, seeing the number down allows you to indulge a little. Key is to keep it within a 5 lb range. This has worked for me.

  19. Someone was watching Top Chef last night, eh?

    I only know that because when Natasha Richardson stepped out in that little red dress, I had the same reaction you just verbalized here. AND I really regretted the cheeseburger I had for lunch.

    Good luck – and trust me, holiday baked goods are much nicer when they're given away, instead of saved on your kitchen counter.

  20. Mia: I thought acai berry was a super-antioxidant… not necessarily for weight loss. I have no qualms taking a weight loss pill. I just wish I could fine one that works. I remember Stephanie mentioning diet pills in the past, but it was a loose reference and she didn't give a specific ingredient and/or brand. Stephanie, are you holding out on us? Tell me what I don't know! I make the same plea to any other helpful poster. Yes, I expect many will say that there's no magic pill, but dammit, I'm a believer.

  21. It's amazing how snow outside causes everything fattening to taste amazing. Don't you know, I could eat a grilled cheese every hour on the hour? Or soup, with tons of cheese and crackers. Or hamburgers! Tacos! Bacon and eggs! Omelets! Brie and hot bread right out of the oven.

    And don't you know that by writing this – I just gained 5 lbs?

    Good lord. I was in Costco the other day, and probably ate 1800 calories in samples – and I HATE samples and I HATE people who stand in line to them. But the brownies, the ravioli with pesto, the deep fried shrimp, the hot artichoke dip on chips…

    Oh god, I just popped another button.

    Let's enjoy for now – January is a mere 13 days away. We can worry about it then.

    Sorry to hear that the sweet babe is sick and sharing… but glad the poop flinging is settling…

    I'm dealing with a 16 year old whose heart is newly broken, a 14 year old who is in the throes of the most dramatic interpretation of 'if I have to go to the [dentist] [dermatologist] [opthalmologist] [flu shot provider] (pick one)…I will DIE, I tell you DIE. And you KILLED ME by making me'…and my sweet 18 year old son working so ferociously to separate from the family whilst wanting so ferociously never to leave…

    Sigh.

    Pass the deep fried anything. And wine. Lots of wine.

    Pop. Another button.

  22. I wondred if she was talking about Top Chef, too. Natasha in her little red dress, Padma in her fabulous jeans, eating puff pastry, cheese, chicken pot pie, and heavy cream. Bitches.

  23. yeah, so my boyfriend told me the other night (my fault though, since i brought it to his attention) "but you always eat more than me!" … which was followed up by "but women have to eat more so they can have babies" … to which i responded by snuggling with the dog instead of him. ;)

    whatevs. i may eat more, but he's gained just as much weight as i have!! HA.

  24. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have been consuming any and every dessert that strikes my fancy. Not because I have a craving that has to be satisfied. More out of a sense of entitlement– I am pregnant, therefore I deserve cake. And ice cream. Everything I generally deny myself to stay thin. And in truth, my indulgences both exhilarate me and make me miserable. I see "skinny pregnant" women everywhere– the ones who will be back to normal by the time they get back to work (weight-wise) and I know I've totally blown it. I feel like a walrus. So now, at 7+ months and counting, I am reining it in– no more sweets. My consolation– I've kept up with (moderate) exercise throughout.

  25. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have been consuming any and every dessert that strikes my fancy. Not because I have a craving that has to be satisfied. More out of a sense of entitlement– I am pregnant, therefore I deserve cake. And ice cream. Everything I generally deny myself to stay thin. And in truth, my indulgences both exhilarate me and make me miserable. I see "skinny pregnant" women everywhere– the ones who will be back to normal by the time they get back to work (weight-wise) and I know I've totally blown it. I feel like a walrus. So now, at 7+ months and counting, I am reining it in– no more sweets. My consolation– I've kept up with (moderate) exercise throughout.

  26. You know what my new favorite secret is…100 calorie packs of chocolate covered pretzels with lots of salt slightly dipped in a glass of red wine while i'm writing. It's decadent but still not over the top. You'll get back to where you are comfortable after the dead lines pass. No worries, it's only weight after all but as a female who struggles as well…i hear ya, it's a bear of a burden.

  27. Ditto. I took pants with all elastic waistbands home for Thanksgiving. I've been sick and snowed in here ion Seattle for 2 days now. I'm tired, so it is too cold and treacherous to walk safely. Not to mention we get like 6 minutes of daylight this time of year. But, the weather has been a blessing too. Now I have a real excuse not to attend a holiday party tonight for which I had nothing to wear because it would involve shopping for a larger size. I think we when are not feeling well, we need to let it slide and then when we are well, inspriration/motivation hopefully will come.

    With the new year on the horizon, you should consider soliciting suggestions/ideas for inspiration and motivation for achieving our wellness goals. Either that, or for favorite comfort food recipes…. Good luck!

  28. I'm in the same frame of mind as you Stephanie. 'Tis the season. January 1 will be here soon enough and all the cookies will be gone. That's what I keep telling myself anyway.

  29. Hi there. It's me your San Marcus shopping buddy from the JCC in SA. Girl! get your ipod, fill it with great songs and go for a walk! You will feel 100 times better, especially on a nice crisp Austin 60-70 degree day. Or get on an elliptical for 20 minutes. You WILL feel better. I swear and then when you eat the cookies, you won't feel so bad…cause you already worked them off. I'm doing a Biggest WINNER class with my son at the J with a nutrionist. It's been great. I even lost some lb's and my pants aren't leaving ginormous scars after i wear them all day. it's all about proteins and veggies. ANd the egg white is the miracle food. combine that with some cardio each day (or 3-5 days a week) and you are good to go.

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