Lately people have been asking to see a little bit of the thought process that goes on here in my workshop. I consider this blog, in many ways, a focus group when I need some help or opinions. So feel free to chime in, pick the sentence you favor most, or add one of your own. I’ll only remind you that there’s helpful critique, and then there’s useless criticism. "You’re awesome," while flattering, is pretty useless. "Quit your day job and food" gets us nowhere, except maybe my wanting to snack. So I only ask that if you’re going to criticize, please instead of tearing down, make a point of building up. Offer encouragement and constructive criticism on how the writer might improve upon a sentence, and for the love of all things Grammartastic, please just be respectful. Why a certain turn of phrase made you laugh, or specifically which cliches made you yawn. "You can do better," is all fine and dandy, just follow it up with a suggestion. "I’d never have thought to put it that way, but I like how unexpected and exactly right it is," will work every time and twice on Sundays. Let the exercise begin:
"I love that we’re going to spend the rest of our lives sharing a sock drawer and a 1040." She hugs him, and we know by the look on his face…
Here’s what I’ve got so far:
that socks won’t cure him of cold feet.
that he deeply regrets not wearing his sneakers.
that he will never go through with it.
that something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
that this fish is rotting from the head down. (This is my personal favorite)
that we ain’t in Kansas no mo. (Okay, I’d never use this)
that they’ll need more than a yellow brick road if they ever hope to see Emerald City.
that Auntie Em would not give her blessing.
*Disclaimer: If you write something good in the comments, I’m going to steal it and take all the credit. Now that’s what I call playing fair.