laundry lessons

In ALL, DATING & MATING by Stephanie Klein44 Comments

Phil just did my laundry. "Did" is the wrong word. "Ruined" is far more accurate. I know that beggars cannot be choosers, that if I wanted it done right, I’d have at least loaded the washing machine myself. I just didn’t think. All my whites have turned blue! Actually, a minty green blue, as if a turquoise article of clothing decided to make out with my panties. Not just that. All my pastels, the beige slacks and khaki shorts, the seashell pink piqué polo, my deep-plunge off-white sweater is now way off-white. All the pale colors are now tie-died blue.

"Pink is a color!" he says in defense of his decision to mix all of my pastel shades with the navy blues of our life. Oh, joy.

Comments

  1. uughh..that really stinks. It is done- he was nice enough to do it for you as I am sure you are way stressed with all the travel and everything. Now you have a good excuse to shop and maybe find even nicer items to replace the past ones. :)

  2. At least he didn't put your i-phone through the washer as I did my husband's Blackberry…(And no, it definitely did not survive.)

  3. OKAY! That does it, I am totally wearing my favorite "previously" yellow polo that has been tie-dyed a motley of strange and unusual colors. Between that and my pillowcase purse I am going to be totally at ease and stylin at your signing. I am sure that it will come as a shock to few, that most and I stress MOST men are devoid of the laundry gene. The number of cherished threads I have lost is countless. I think I actually shrieked the last time I saw my guy loitering around the washer. Be vigilant Sister, you can only afford to lose so many deep plunge sweaters so close to take off.

  4. Oh noooo…

    Well – Andria and Em are right. Shop! Hurry! Get a personal shopper and tell them what you need – 2 weeks worth of clothes, one suitcase or two – they can get you all squared away. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

    Pollyanna? Who me?

  5. Get Phil to the grocery store ASAP and have him buy some Rit color remover. Then make him do the laundry with it. It will take out the color that's not supposed to be there without ruining the colors that are supposed to be there!

    BTW, I'm LOVING Moose. I'm about 1/2 way through it and boy, have you got it right!

  6. Poor Phil…

    And YAY Stephanie! I convinced my Barnes & Noble to pull MOOSE out of the back for me and have been reading all weekend. Wow! So much more than I expected. I loved Straight Up And Dirty and this book shows your range as a writer. Up to the point where…uh oh- no spoilers.

  7. Isn't pink a colour? I'm one of those people who simply can't do laundry so ..what can I say…I know how you feel but I also know how Phil thinks.

  8. In my wedding ceremony the rabbi (who is my good friend from grad school) said that Josh was marrying me for my cooking and I was marrying him for his laundry skills. While she was joking…was she?

    Sorry about the whites. Definitely try the color remover – it couldn't hurt. I'm sure this is only adding to the packing frustration.

  9. Gah, that truly sucks. My bf once ruined my favourite pair of chique dark grey satin pants (shrunk a size). The poor guy felt really bad about it as he knew how much I love my clothes. Luckily I found a similar pair later that year. Try the color removal thingie, it's worth a shot.

  10. Oh, I sympathize with Phil. I actually bungled this myself during my pregnancy delirium. I only had a small pregnancy wardrobe and in one washing, a magenta thing snuck into the wash with about 80% of my maternity staples. Everything came out splotchy pink. Of course, my husband noticed the weird pink splotches as he pulled everything from the washer and then shrugged his shoulders as he loaded them into the dryer and hit start. So, I'm pulling things out of the dryer, my eyes huge as I utter strange sounds, and the hubby walks up and says, yeah, everything came out of the washer all splotchy. I wanted to kill him, but he was trying to be helpful. I tried to remedy things with stain/color removers, but that only turned things a different kind of splotchy. Just what I needed — a bunch of maternity rags.

  11. I second the RIT color remover, but I would add a Shout Color Catcher sheet in the same wash. Then hand him the box with the rest. Those things rock, and with those, he CAN mix pastels and blues.

    PS: I might hide the bleach from him, though. Just saying.

  12. Husband + Laundry=Disaster. Never forget this equation and you will be safe. Now if I could just get my tiny wool sweater over my seemingly larger head…

  13. You know, my husband always says, "I don't do "that" because you're better at it." He's always referring to some household chore that I assume he's just too uninterested in to put any effort into. However, every single time he does one of these chores, I'm left feeling like you are with your laundry….if you want it done right, do it yourself and no more bitching!

    Maybe I am better at it, or maybe he does this shit on purpose to make it look that way.

  14. Sounds like Phil did you a favor. Go shopping
    for a few outfits that will make you feel
    fabulous
    I have a closet full of clothes that don't
    go with anything. Sometimes I wish I could
    start over.
    I'm so bummed that airlines are only letting
    us take one bag!

  15. In our household my clothes get separated from
    everyone else. My husband has no laundry ability
    and changed a pair of my jeans to lavendar.
    Towels and dark Tshirts, no problem!
    and then there's the whatever's left load
    where jeans get randomly washed with whatever
    was left in the basket.
    So now we have 4 baskets. Mine, towels, whites and boys (theirs).
    If he gets the urge to do laundry there's
    ususlly something he can have at, and not touch
    my clothes.
    That's just the washer, don't get me started
    on the dryer. My favorite phrase "don't cook it"

  16. Thanks for stopping by my blog! Hate it when my laundry becomes one-shaded… but on the bright side, you will be totally coordinated!! :)

  17. Mine actually does the laundry, A LOT. Since it is my most dreaded duty. Sometimes I think he does it better than me, but I have to admit twice he ruined some favorites. Once was just a pair of pants that snuck into the whites. I won't like though, I wear them still. They don't look bleached or tie dyed. I can't describe them, but the def look meant to be that way! Another time was when we were pretty low on money and he decided to wash the clothes in the bathtub (yep for richer or poorer). That wasn't a bad thing, it was the fact he decided to use some soap other than laundry soap! Not too sure what the hell he used, but all I know is he ruined some of my favorite shirts! But, I felt so bad about him ruining half of his wardrobe that I couldn't bitch at him. It's hard to get mad because they were trying, but oh boy does it suck!

  18. Mine actually does the laundry, A LOT. Since it is my most dreaded duty. Sometimes I think he does it better than me, but I have to admit twice he ruined some favorites. Once was just a pair of pants that snuck into the whites. I won't like though, I wear them still. They don't look bleached or tie dyed. I can't describe them, but the def look meant to be that way! Another time was when we were pretty low on money and he decided to wash the clothes in the bathtub (yep for richer or poorer). That wasn't a bad thing, it was the fact he decided to use some soap other than laundry soap! Not too sure what the hell he used, but all I know is he ruined some of my favorite shirts! But, I felt so bad about him ruining half of his wardrobe that I couldn't bitch at him. It's hard to get mad because they were trying, but oh boy does it suck!

  19. I can barely get mine to help me carry the huge loads of laundry down to the laundry room in our building. I would never actually let him do mine. I can't put any of my clothes in the dryer anyway (not even jeans), so there's no way he'd figure it out. He does come keep me company while I'm folding though. I'm basically terrified of being that stereotypical nagging wife, so I try to cut him a little slack. He really is a good husband, despite a total lack of household skills.

  20. Now it is all color coordinated – that should make packing easier? Heh. My husband isn't allowed to do my laundry. There was an ugly incident with a favorite sweater that we no longer discuss. After the Sweater Incident of '04, we each do our own laundry.

  21. but did the sweater end up in the dryer? that's the real question. if so, it's probably not plunging much now. my husband would never ever ever try to do my laundry. he's much too wise. and maybe a little scared.

  22. Ugh, suck. How frustrating!!! I guess the upside is having someone to blame; I usually do dumb things like that all by myself. And blaming myself is never all that satisfying. Last minute shopping spree for Stephanie. See you in Pasadena!

  23. I can relate. I don't mind doing laundry, but I suck at it. So the ex would complain about the results. I just told her if she wanted it done right, she'd have to stop assigning me laundry duties. I think you should follow suit. See you Friday!!!

  24. I am suddenly relieved I do all the house work. The potential for disaster otherwise is just too great.

  25. How about the boyfriend who says "white is a color" and puts your favorite and irreplaceable Wigstock 1993 t-shirt in the wash with his blacks. It may take more than a decade to get over this.

  26. It is nice to have a man around the house, even if he ruins your laundry..at least he does it!

  27. Men are apparently incapable of putting laundry IN the machine. However they are divine (when properly trained) to put laundry IN the dryer and fold. Enough said :)

  28. Oh lucky you! Now you get to buy all new things for your trip! I am looking forward to tonight at bookpeople.

  29. Soak the items in OxyClean Baby for a day and then wash! They will be good as new. It has to be OxyClean Baby though. They only sell it at Target, it is stronger than the regular Oxyclean and it is colorsafe. Good Luck!!

  30. My dear husband and I have worked out a nice arrangement where I do all the laundy and he does all the dishes and kitchen clean up. They are both never-ending chores that you can't let pile up so we're even.

  31. yeah, its happens. that is why i'm very clear with my husband about laundry, i.e. please pay attention. so far so good. i wish i could broker a deal like one of your readers…someone to do all the dishes and kitchen clean up….ahhhhh, sounds like heaven to me. i have recently had to come to terms with my inability to do it all, and i hired someone to clean our house. yet, she wont be doing dishes, laundry, etc. i wish i were rich…i would have a bevy of helpers. but then i would need extra therapy for all the guilt associated with the same. ha. vicious circle.

    congrats on the book. i wanted to go to nyc reading, but leaving for vaca the day before. best, sy

  32. I second the comment about several clothes hampers. After a few unfortunate laundry mishaps we instituted separate hampers for whites, darks, towels and "hand wash" which he knew not to touch. That way the was-band could just take a whole hamper and wash the entire thing.

    He also liked to throw things away. So after he threw away a brand new pair of shoes and a much loved Kaminski hat (both in their respective boxes – he thought box = trash) we instituted a "should this be thrown away" pile.

  33. I have a question. With your frank discussion and "nothing to hide" attitude towards the unhappy times of your past, I wonder:

    If your current marriage were to also become unhappy, would you be honest about it in "real-time"? The emergence of your blog (and subsequent book) seems to be an "I changed my life" story.

    Do you feel obligated to maintain an "all is rosy" position from now on? It seems like you are banking your future on the success of the "re-do". What if you found out that the hedge fund manager has a penchant for hookers, or the love life gets boring?

    Are you addicted to the "Stephanie: The success story" or do you have a healthy perspective and distance between the real you and the "public" you? Clearly, you either enjoy the notoriety of being the SUAD girl or your career positioning simply demands it

    This is not meant as an attack. I'd love to see if you are willing to answer the question.

  34. In our family I do my laundry and the kids' laundry. My husband does his own. I did his once recently to thank him for working so hard on my 40th birthday party and found a business card for a harp player in one of his pocket. I thought he must have hired her as a surprise for the party and I was worried I ruined the surprise! Turns out the harp player actually performs at the grocery store where he goes to lunch and he had thought about hiring her.

    PS My husband, Mike & I went to Jewish overnight camp with Phil where all the laundry came back gray!!!

  35. In our family I do my laundry and the kids' laundry. My husband does his own. I did his once recently to thank him for working so hard on my 40th birthday party and found a business card for a harp player in one of his pocket. I thought he must have hired her as a surprise for the party and I was worried I ruined the surprise! Turns out the harp player actually performs at the grocery store where he goes to lunch and he had thought about hiring her.

    PS My husband, Mike & I went to Jewish overnight camp with Phil where all the laundry came back gray!!!

  36. I was fortunate in that my mom taught me before I left for college and I’ve never looked back since. Of course it was much easier then when I only had jeans, briefs and tshirts…the good ole days. I still help out but only under strict supervision by my wife. I did have a couple of pairs of colorful briefs…not pink, as long as they were not pink I could go with it.

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