table talk

In ALL, JUDY BLUME MOMENTS by Stephanie Klein51 Comments

She leaned across the picnic table, and gazed into his eyes. "I’m wearing Tinkerbell underwear."
"Um," he responded,"Really?"
"I don’t always wear underwear."
He looked at her as if he were taking a double take, but he didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, so he did his best to act normal. Whatever "normal" is when such intimate information is shared. He began to fidget. "How ’bout that!" He said in that falsely encouraging high voice, the one that says, anything you do or say is special and great, and I’m so proud of you.
"I had a red vagina, but I took a bath."

–6:45pm, the backyard of our friends’ house. Four-year-old girl to Phil.
Today, April 8, is his birthday. Happy Birthday… wait until you see my panties.

Comments

  1. I am sure I will be in the minority here, but I think the retelling of this story, especially within a sexual innuendo to Phil from you, to be inappropriate bordering on alarming. And I aint a prude.

  2. I was trying to wrap my brain around someone wearing and announcing her Tinkerbell undies. Four-year-olds definitely get a pass.

    Happy Birthday to Phil.

  3. I was like… who says that on a date?! And red vagina?! Whoa whoa Miss Lippy!

    Too too funny, though.

  4. I love kids and how innocent they are. Here's a funny story for you. A friend's 3 year old daughter was thoroughly enjoying the lasagna her mother prepared for her and decided to sing her praises by saying, "Mom, this vagina tastes really good!"

  5. Wendy, I am a little put off by this very weird juncture.
    Phil–you handled the encounter well. Happy Birthday.

  6. Oh, I'm surprised a few people think it's inappropriate. Maybe you have to be a mom to appreciate it. Pretty much a normal conversation for a four year old girl.

    My coworker was potty training his son some years ago, and as a special incentive, the son got some new Toy Story underwear. The next morning, the kid ran right up to his favorite preschool teacher, pulled down his pants and said, "Want to see my Woody?"

  7. hahahhahaha hilarious
    OMG and I had no idea Phil was my birthday buddy!!!
    Happy Birthday to us both…except i don't want to see Stephanie's undies
    hehe

  8. If I had a nickel for every time some little girl tried to earn a little shock value cred by telling me (the babysitter) about her vagina, I'd be a rich lady. Most of these kids know nothing more about vaginas than the fact that that word always flusters adults. Way to play along, Stephanie!

  9. I don't know.. I'm a mom and I, too, found it a bit icky. At the very least, it's not my style of humour. To each his or her own I suppose.

  10. In Wendy's defense, I don't think she was alarmed by the words coming out of the 4 year old's mouth (which certainly does sound like your typical, run-of-the-mill 4 yr old banter), but in the way that Stephanie re-told it – making it sound sexual. I got a little bit of a "ew" feeling too, honestly. The conversation is hilarious on its own, but when it's told as if it were intended to sound dirty, it's kind of, well, Ew.

  11. Sorry for the double post, but I just wanted to add that if my little girl said something innocently about her underwear or her vagina to someone, and then that person went and posted it on the internet in a way that suggested that my girl was saying something sexual, I'd be really upset.

  12. As the mother of 4 girls, I can't tell you how many similar conversations I have walked in on – or tipped toe to the corner covering my blushing face – praying that the Daddy, boyfriend, son, or Pastor would understand and preserve the innocence of my littlest storyteller.
    Phil did great. Most men do — it seems that women have a harder time. What a shame.

  13. I was about to say pretty much what Amanda B. said. The four-year-old was being a typical four-year-old and not actually being sexually provocative when she said that, unlike what is implied in the retelling. I can see why that makes some people uncomfortable, it sure made me flinch.

  14. I personally think it's hilarious how this story was told. At first I was like, wha? What kind of woman wears Tinkerbell underwear? and then, I had to wonder what was wrong with this woman…
    To find out it was a 4 year old, just made me bust out laughing. Kids do say the funniest things. And as the mother of the most darling little girl in the world (in my eyes), if she said something like this, I would have sent it in to Reader's Digest.
    It's not sexual at all once you realize that a 4 year old said it. Good play on words Stephanie! and Happy Birthday Phil!

  15. ditto wendy and amanda b's second comment…and i definitely ain't a prude OR a mom. and "red v@gina"?! that's alarming enough, frankly. seriously. before you get ruffled, please re-read amanda's second point for further clarification and understanding of us naysayers.

  16. lighten the f up girls this was just that a little girl. Having two of my own this was a typical very amusing moment and nothing more. good luck with the heavy stuff. well played stephanie

  17. lighten the f up girls this was just that a little girl. Having two of my own this was a typical very amusing moment and nothing more. good luck with the heavy stuff. well played stephanie

  18. I had a great laugh over this post! Four-year-olds are like tiny uncensored crazy people. Happy Birthday Phil!

  19. amandab-It's not like SK posted the girl's name and address- it's a nameless, faceless kid. Jeez.

    IMO- Uptight adults make uptight kids. If adults weren't so flustered by a little vagina mention, kids wouldn't find it so fun to talk about.

  20. I think the telling of the story in this manner was a bit inappropriate, but I guess Stephanie will more fully understand when it's her daughter who says something like this and then hears someone else re-telling the story at a party, giving the impression that the girl uttering the words was trying to sound seductive.

    FROM SK: Your comments are coming up in my spam box, fyi.

  21. Hilarious! Reminds me of a friend's 6 year old who came up to me at a barbeque one day and whispered confidingly "my dad's got hairy balls" – didn't quite know what to say to that one and didn't have the heart to tell her that he's not the only one…

  22. I guess you can add me to the list that thought this was at the very least odd. I don't really think it's remotely funny, beyond the fact that 4 year olds are sweet innocent creatures. But to make it sexually suggestive? As she gazed into his eyes? Odd, strange….inappropriate.

  23. I guess what's hard about it for readers is that it's written over the internet, where it's sometimes hard to really understand the inflection or intent. What would concern me is that a) the comments might be construed as hypersexualized for a 4 year old girl (depending on the girls' tone of voice), and b) that she had a "red vagina." What actually first crossed my mind is whether she'd been abused.

  24. I totally agree with Wendy & Amanda B. It's the juxtaposition of the sexy innuendo that makes it feel icky.

  25. I love this blog because it shows how people expose their own issues. An innocent, silly, kids say the darndest things post becomes abuse, sex, icky. Note to all- women/girls have vaginas. It isn't ewww. Little girls wear tinkerbelle undies and brag about it. How the adults with the hang ups deal with it says a lot. Stephanie didn't mention who the friend is, who the child is, nothing. How could someone be upset at that? It is a story. A funny story. Lighten up and go March on Washington.

  26. 1. I totally get, and agree, that children say the darndest things; yet
    2. I also agree, the way that SK made use of the story in a sexually charged context was, in my opinion, odd (i.e. when I read it, I thought “oh, i don't like that at all”);
    3. I’m amazed how many adults don't get the difference b/w 1 and 2; and
    4. I’m still constantly amazed how those who differ with the posts of others feel the need to be such assholes, with the unnecessarily snarky comments. ugh…take a clue from the innocence of children…and play nice.

  27. In my house we have two vaginas, three penises, a total of six testicles and I put it that way because all my kids are under 7 and there is a lllllllooooottttt of body references. It's up to me and my husband to let them know that the parts of their bodies have names; eyes, fingers, knee, vagina/penis, stomach, elbow… you get the idea. I want them to be VERY comfortable with all parts of themself even though I was raised with words like "down there" and "man parts". I also have children who LOVE characters on their underwear as well as their shoes/shirts/jackets/back-packs.
    I love Frannie Farmers take; " I have walked in on – or tipped toe to the corner covering my blushing face – praying that the Daddy, boyfriend, son, or Pastor would understand and preserve the innocence of my littlest storyteller." As a mom of any child, not just girls, I would hope the same thing and want my kids comfortable enough to tell me when someone isn't preserving their innocence.
    What the girl said about her 'red vagina' did have me raise and eyebrow, I must say…what does THAT mean?? But the tinkerbell underwear part is hysterical. And Phil handled it great, perfectly protected her innocence. Just a small taste of what you have to look forward too. BTW, never having grown up with any brothers, I'm laughing a LOT in my house these days with my boys discovering things about their 'parts' they seem to have no control over. I'm beginning to understand the male creature much more… since I've brought two into the world and am there from the beginning.
    Happy B-day to your hubby.

  28. As an additional clarification, I agree with Sarah – in the retelling of the story, over the internet – it just sounds gross aside the Phil's birthday comment. Imagine saying the two things together at a dinner party. This was an attempt at imaginative prose and it just came across as awkward and icky.

  29. I still thought it was hilarious.

    And I loved Frannie Farmer's comment:

    "As the mother of 4 girls, I can't tell you how many similar conversations I have walked in on – or tipped toe to the corner covering my blushing face – praying that the Daddy, boyfriend, son, or Pastor would understand and preserve the innocence of my littlest storyteller.
    Phil did great. Most men do — it seems that women have a harder time. What a shame."

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