come on, do it with me.

In ALL, WRITING EXERCISES by Stephanie Klein49 Comments

Finish this sentence: I’m as lazy as…

*Finish this sentence will now appear each and every Tuesday. Because I love it, and I’m lazy, and I might just use the best line in Moose (without even giving credit! Woo hoo!) Okay, I won’t use it. It’s just for fun. If you prefer, just make a $20,000 Pyramid list of "things that are lazy." I’ll post my list, or sentence, at the end of the day, and then you can chime in and pick your favorites.

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In Moose, I think I’ve narrowed it down to "Susan." Though I was tempted by "a pregnant hippo with a trick knee" because a trick knee is always funny. But funny like that wouldn’t have worked in this context anyway. Here’s the context:

She walked to a chrome sink and washed her hands with foam. I sat upright in my paper gown, glancing at the chair across the room where I’d parked my shorts and running shoes. I could bolt my way out, rip into my sneakers, tighten my gown, and bushwhack my bare bottom through the forest of ultrasound technicians, genetic counselors, and maternal-fetal medicine specialists. But I was as lazy as Susan. I just sat there and grunted.

We weren’t about to listen for the heartbeats, and there’d be no ultrasounds this visit. I was about to be weighed. 
“Ahem,” I grumbled to Philip with my finger pointing to the door. My vagina, my husband could see. But my weight was another story.

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This is what I love about a second draft, the ability to go back in and tool around with words and ideas.
A list of other things I was considering:

As lazy as…
a semi-circle
a crock pot
a popcorn ball
a jar of minced garlic
a brussel sprout
a drink coaster
a prize pig at the County Fair
goulash
Sunday
room service
an electric knife
peanut butter and jelly that comes in one jar
a parasite
a half moon

I was about as active as a concrete block
I was about as active as cement

Phil’s answers:
a reclining chair
a snooze button
a pickle in brine
a hippo in a swamp

I ultimately went with Susan (I think), making reference to a lazy susan, which is food-related, but not in an overt way. I’m sure some readers will perk up, and say, huh? Who’s Susan? But then they’ll get it. Maybe. My second runner up was semi-circle. Though I did like ones that didn’t make sense, but you still got the idea. I liked images of heavy objects, or funny words. And this is just an inside look at the brainstorming process.

Comments

  1. I'm as lazy as my brother's left eye, which seems to follow me around the room like an unfocused, more compelling version of the Mona Lisa.

  2. Im as lazy as a person who is thirsty but just lies there and waits for it to rain rather than get up.

  3. Things that are lazy:
    – circling the parking lot at the gym for 10 minutes to find the best spot
    – not answering the door when I know it's just the UPS man so I don't have to walk down a whole flight of stairs
    – giving clothes away to charity that I bought and never wore because I'm too lazy to drive to the mall (though someone is being helped by this, so maybe this one is excusable)
    – eating pasta out of the pot so I don't have another dish to wash (even though I have a dishwasher)
    – Watching one channel because I'm too lazy to get up and get the remote that fell on the floor

  4. I'm as lazy as a monkey paying Pam's sloth for a share of her mangoes and other tropical fruit delicacies.

  5. i'm as lazy as…

    an old fat man…laying on the couch wearing a stained wife beater and boxers…my feet are up on the coffee table and i'm so fat and lazy … i've got one hand resting on my exposed big ol belly and the other one playing with my self!

    hahahahah…that was fun!!!

  6. Saw your Food Network cookie swap tonight. It aired 9pm EST and I thought it was great!!!!

    I'm as lazy as a celebutante………..(but only some days)

  7. Not sure about lazy – but to quote my 98 year old grandmother…

    "I'm as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine".

    Never knew quite what that meant, but it seems appropo somehow.

    FROM STEPHANIE: I had a friend from fat-camp who said things like that all the time. I'm sure she spent her days making them up, as there's no way an entire family said all the things she came up with. "Well, suck the cream off a polecat's teats!" Wha?

  8. I am as lazy as the person on a long haul flight who will not put their seat into the upright position without being asked, when meals are served.

  9. not wanting to empty the trash on my computer's recycling bin because its too much work.

  10. lazy as a tabby cat

    completely off topic, but I have 2 questions:

    1) is there a photography book you can recommend for
    a beginner digital SLR owner, something you found useful perhaps?

    FROM STEPHANIE: This will sound mean, but it's not: your manual. Far too many owners don't read their manual, fully. Understand every single option, then look up all the terms you don't understand online. You'll be shocked at how much you learn this way. I will post a link to a few good books in the future, but for now, how about
    Complete Digital Photography.

    2) is there a book on writing that you can recommend?
    Oh, there are so many. It depends on what type of writing. Fiction or non-fiction? I can post on this again if people would like. And perhaps I'll create a small favorites section for things like this.

    Thanks. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

  11. No one is as lazy as my ex – wouldn't get his lazy ass of the couch to get himself another beer – he'd ask the kids to get it! Sooo tacky.

  12. I'm as lazy as…my dog who stares and my through squinted eyes as I get ready for work. Damn I wish I could stay in bed all day like she does. Lucky S.O.B.

  13. Ooh Kim took mine. I was going to say, I'm as lazy as the people in my office building who take the elevator down one floor even though it is only a half flight of steps. So now I have to think of something else…. An outdated hockey reference? I'm as lazy as Pavel Bure waiting by the blue line for the perfect pass with no notion of ever playing defense.

  14. me.
    pretending I can't smell the poo because the nappies (diapers) are upstairs…

  15. When I read it, I immediately thought, "I'm as lazy as… f*#@!".But to f*#@ means to actually exert yourself, if you're doing it right ;). I dunno, it just came to mind.

    As far as sayings like that, I had a friend who used to say, "he's as gay as a blade on Sunday…"

    I have no idea what the hell that meant!

  16. Katie:
    she has recommended the book "Bird by Bird" before… it's by Anne Lamott (I was almost too lazy to look that up) and is a helpful place to start.

  17. Susan's "lazy as a 250 lb nanny from the islands" did not sit well with me. But then again, racism is a laziness of sorts.

  18. i'm as lazy as my fat fluffy cat when he props himself up against the couch cushion to bathe.

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