Needy is a five letter word, for the record–not four. I’ve spent so much energy steering myself away from it as an "aware" adult that I feel calloused. What’s so wrong with having needs and wanting? In all my lovely hormonal splendor, I’ve been thinking a lot about needs and believe many of us are fixated on one need over any other.
The need to be loved is a universal, and much of our behavior stems from this need alone. After this, though, I think it depends on our childhood wounds.
I know someone who needs to feel respected above all else, who maybe deep down worries he’s not worthy of that respect because he’s insecure about where he comes from. Someone else who needs, more than anything, to feel like her contribution matters, that she’s valued–perhaps because deep down she fears she has nothing to offer, that the world would go on the same without her in it. I think we need most what it is about which we’re most insecure. So we need to learn to give that to ourselves first.
I am desire-focused in my needs. When it comes to romantic relationships, yes, I want to be loved, but that’s never really my focus. My ultimate goal intellectually might be to have a loving equal partnership, but my NEED isn’t the same. What I need, and always will, is to feel the infatuation stage that’s experienced at the beginning of a young relationship to feel truly satisfied. When I see how head over heels mad people are for each other, I look to recreate that excitement in my own relationship. I need it. I need to feel courted, to have a suitor, to feel like the person I’m with feels like he’s the luckiest person in the world. Even if I do want to use the bathroom with the door open. And I want to feel the exact same way. I need that passion, that explosion, every once in a while to stay afloat.