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In ALL, RAISING HOPS INTO BEERS by Stephanie Klein34 Comments

FRIEND:  So how’s motherhood treating you?

STEPHANIE:  Hiya friend.  So I’m sitting in our living room, drinking some wine, watching the kids cry in their bouncy seats.  Phil and I are getting blood drawn tomorrow for life insurance.  They send someone to your house to collect urine, blood pressure, and yeah, blood.  So I haven’t eaten much today, but then I remember there’s some leftover pizza in the fridge.  So, duh, I dart for it, heat it up quick, then proceed to eat a square.  "What are you doing?!"  Uh, eating.  "Cheese?  You’re actually eating a glob of cheese the night before your cholesterol test?"  Does he actually want me to answer?  Uh, yeah.  "Stephanie!"  What?!  "Don’t eat that!  It’s going to skew your results and it will cost us an extra few hundred dollars a year."  Abigail, I say, I now know where you get it.  You’re my little nut job, just like your control freak father.  THAT, dear friend, is how motherhood is. 

*And if someone even goes there, to that cloying place of "you’re drinking wine and neglecting your children," I suggest you go eat a crayon. 

Comments

  1. I think, according to this, that motherhood is treating you nicely, and if the wine is red and good, then there is nothing to add, I'd apply for it too

  2. "Clink", (that would be the sound of MY overflowing wine glass touching yours in a resounding, 'amen')

    I have a very lovely enclosed porch and the 'walls' are windows on all three sides. It overlooks the backyard, (that's completely fenced in), a swingset, sandbox, playhouse, and various other things identify it as the playground of my kids. On Fridays, a mom… or two…or three, will come over and the kids are in the backyard playing. We, the moms, are on the porch having our little wine tasting party. So, no eating crayons on this end :)

  3. The bouncy seat is one of the best creations in the land of babies- next to the boppie. And while I might not enjoy wine- I do enjoy a nice beer every now and then while the wild child is playing out back- with me supervising of course. Motherhood is good.

  4. I hear crayons can be quite nutritious. ;-)

    Hope all the tests come out ok.

  5. you tell Phil that all the red wine counteracts the cheese. hasn't he ever heard of wine and cheese? geez….

  6. Can eating a piece of cheese of having a glass of wine the night before screw up cholesterol results?

    Is that true? That sounds fishy to me.

  7. My stepmom told me that when she was raising her two during the 60's she always kept a bottle of Boone's Farms in the fridge and that she would take a swig around 10 a.m. That and her Mahjong games in the afternoon kept her going. Cheers!

  8. MeeeeeeOWWWWWwww…Somebody's on the defensive…
    As for the test, I'm sure that one pizza dinner isn't going to skew the results. Please…
    My current gripe: I'll tell you this: my ob/gyn has given me the green light to have a glass or two of wine a week now that i'm in my 2nd trimester. Do you know how many people will give me the evil eye over THAT one. Screw 'em. I'm living for me and my baby, and all the arses out there with nothing better to do that rain on my (our) parade can kiss my (ever increasing) ass. Hee hee…

  9. Barbara E, you always make me laugh.

    Stephanie, sounds like a relaxing night – a wine and cheese party, even.

  10. It's not the drinking of the wine, it's the drinking of the wine while "watching the kids cry." That's the part where you get judged. And hey, if you hadn't written it, there would be nothing there to judge.

  11. Red wine always sounds good. I'm sure the moms know enough not to over do it. Unfortunately when my kids were young, my ex did the drinking for both of us so I didn't get the benefit of a relaxing glass of wine. I'm doing OK now though!

  12. I love the crayon comment. Why people feel the need to throw in their negative two cents is beyond me. Wine on!

  13. Jenn: yes, its your body "practicing" for breastfeeding, with little beads of colostrumforming on the nips. . .i am 15 weeks this week, so i'm sure its gonna start for me soon too… SY

  14. Cloying? Are you sure?

    FROM STEPHANIE: Yes, quite. It's uninteresting and sickening all at once. "I'm sure you're a great mom, but drinking. Tsk Tsk, and while the babies are crying!?!" Say something new. Said with sugar or malice, "Neglectful Mom" is so last season. Babies cry. They're developing their Idol lungs. It's fine. And so is my use of cloying.

  15. Oh please, I would have suggested doing something else entirely with that crayon.

    By the way, (sadly) I'm a broker and eating a slice of pizza isn't going to make or break your test results. And anyway, if things come back really off, just request a do over.

    FROM STEPHANIE: Interestingly enough the results did come back… and uh, we think they confused our results.

  16. Phil and I wonder if they've accidentally confused our results. His cholesterol is normally about 270. He's on Lipitor for it. Prior to this round of blood, exactly two weeks earlier, my cholesterol was 174. Now it's 202. Is this possible? In only two weeks? Whereas Phil's came back at 165, when it's normally in the 200's. Even Phil thinks they've confused our blood work. Could cheese be the culprit after all (It had been 12 hours since I last ate when they drew the blood)? How very strange. And creatine in the urine. Bad news. Bad kidneys. One of us is a mess. You know, somewhere other than in the head.

  17. For Gods sake get off the lipitor Phil. That stuff can kill your kidneys. I lowered my cholestrol with proper diet, not always easy, but worth it for the whole body.

  18. Stephanie, could you point me to the posts where you talk about how you met Suitor? And one more question: you talk in that interview about being a dater, not just single; how did you meet people? Just curious.

  19. Hahahaha….I'm laughing at Barbara E.'s comment.

    I say stuff yourself with cheese & wine!

  20. I love it!

    Random question for all the mothers out there: I'm 5 months pregnant, and I'm lactating…is that normal? (I know off topic, but I thought a good place to ask…if not, my bad.)

  21. How did you stay thin living in NYC if you went out nightly for wine and had chinese take out 4x / week? Tell us your secret. And for not being hungover at work!

  22. Diet adjustments can't always lower your cholesterol, although they do help. For familial hypercholesterolemia Lipitor can be a very helpful drug, that can lower risks of cardiovascular disease. Just giving my two cents…as a med student. but check with a real doctor…

  23. jane,
    lifestyle changes may not do much for a cholesterol of 270. request a do-over, stephanie and check w/ your PCP. there are a lot of options for hypercholesterolemia these days, and sometimes you need the meds.

  24. AAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Thanks, this is the Stephanie we know and love :)

    I had stopped commenting, because frankly, all I kept wanting to say was, do you want some cheese with that whine?

    But this post restored my faith :)

  25. i just read this out loud to my father and he laughed hysterically. he rarely ever does such a thing, so thanks. :)

  26. Hi Stephanie… i know you might think this is not anyones business but get The Suitor off that Lipitor… please read this just so you know some details:
    http://tinyurl.com/36crv

    BTW great site, great book and very cute kids!… if you ever come to Rome again I can bring you to some really good restaurants!

    Take care and cheers! (nothings better than a good glass of wine!)

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