who swiped my self control?

In ALL, FOOD LOVE by Stephanie Klein50 Comments

chickenwaffles

There’s this thing called the 4th trimester.  Clothing stores know I’m not about to bounce back into my clothes, but I’m miserable. The lactation ladies insist I cannot diet or my milk supply will plummet. I need 1000 extra calories per day, they say. 500 for each baby, and I believe them (no, I don’t!). I don’t want to diet. I want to eat out at Cheesecake Factory every night. I want to believe the sites that say it takes 8 months to safely get back to your pre-pregnancy weight. Though I am torn. What the hell do they know? I think to myself.  They’re not in this body, or in my closet, where nothing fits. 

I bought four new tops today, and I’m walking around in sweats and the same two pairs of jeans that took me through my pregnancy. How can I keep shopping for fat clothes?  It’s like saying, "Okay, I accept this fatter life. Come on in. Roll on up to my rolls." Giving them prime spots in my closet.  I need help. I need a nutritionist. I cannot do this by myself. I have no self-control right now.  Normally I’d get some coffee and go to a weight commando who’d give me drugs and yell at me. But I can’t do that with babies to feed. Instead, I could join Weight Watchers, do their nursing points program. And while I do love the program, I NEED to be held accountable to one person. I need personal attention. I need a dic(k)tator.

I’m not just NOT losing weight. I’m gaining weight.  "The weight will fall off when the kids come home.  You’ll be too busy to think about food."  Maybe I’m bored now.  Maybe I’m exhausted and confuse it with hunger.  I know for sure a lot of the calories I’m getting aren’t consumed in hunger.  I try to write down what I’m eating, but then, I just stop.  I’m not disciplined.  I’m not motivated.  I’m tired. Shower once in a while, tired.  Too tired to wear makeup, tired.  Eating is the only thing I look forward to.  Everything else is becoming a chore.  I’m even tired of being tired, tired.  And now I’m fat right along with it.  "Don’t diet.  Just focus on eating healthy and mother nature will take care of the rest."  I want to take a shit on mother nature.  I don’t want to eat healthfully.  I want sugar, a lot of sugar.  I don’t want candy.  I want cheesecake and chocolate molten cakes, plural.  I don’t want just a little.  I want Baskin Robbins, bowls of it.  And I don’t know when I’ll stop, when the cravings will subside, when my body will return.  At this rate, I’m screwed.  If you’re in the Austin area and know of a good weight loss nutritionist or doctor, please let me know.

Comments

  1. OK, look at it this way. You're not even supposed to be done gestating those babies yet so you are ahead of the game in the weight loss department! What was your due date? See, you would have those babies in you and you'd still be gaining weight.

    I say, if you're tired, enjoy it now, rest, eat, stretch in bed, take long luxurious baths, check out your body in the mirror now because it will become different again. Because you think your life has changed now, you seriously will never get a chance to eat on your own, or even take a shower, or pee with the door closed, or get a full-night's sleep for… let's see, not to burst the mommy-bubble, but probably two straight years.

    I'm definitely not saying this to be mean–it's just the way it is, and I didn't have twins–I had two kids 18 months apart, and then another 2 years after that, and I have just started feeling normal.

    My oldest is nine.

    So, grab a big-ass bowl of Baskin Robbins and send Phil to B&N for one of those Starbucks Molten Lava Cakes, hop into a bubbly bath filled with yummy soaps, close your eyes, and live in that moment.

    Then, you can remember that moment when you've got two beautiful babies attached to your chest.

    To quote Sully from Monster's Inc.: "Gooooo toooo Sleeeeep!"

    xo

  2. Just a thought to get a breath of fresh air – but maybe start going on a walking program so you can start working on some tone. or a weight program.

  3. most mothers go thru this but you are getting hit with twice the punch since you are trying to keep up the calories for the twins. my weight never just melted off either…for most of us it takes a year or two to get back to a figure that was "somewhat" like what we had before but it will never totally be the same body…how could it? just look at those beautiful kiddos and know that it really is all worth it in the end…but we can still bitch about it…can't we!

  4. I'm sorry you're feeling so crummy. I am 13 weeks pregnant tomorrow and just got off an 8-day run of Baskin Robbins sundaes…not because I wanted to, but because I noticed a new crop of back fat.
    My friends with kids have all said "9 months up, 9 months down." Of course, they're now smaller than they were before they got pregnant…this makes me want to hurt them.
    Hang in there…

  5. oy. i know all about this. the clothes, the lack of control, the guilt and exhaustion. i agree with manic mom though, you are technically ahead of the game. you were supposed to be pregnant now, right?

    if i can offer you a weight loss tip; look at your body in the mirror and tell her how much you love her. "wow, i love you so much, what a great job you did being preg and nurturing the twins." rub your fat places and tell them that you only want what's best for them, which is to be healthy and to lose weight. positive affirmations!

    i always do the ww nursing program after my pregs, maybe you could do that AND hire yourself a fitness guru/dictator. this way you get a great weight loss regimen, group support, and that one person to hold you accountable.

    p.s. i think you would do yourself well by finding a la leche league meeting near you.

  6. Sounds like your hormones are haywire with the sugar cravings. I say eat what you want (you have to listen to your lactation ladies). But can you try to cut down on the sugar? It is just going to make more tired in the end. Can you try gradually to eat lots of fruit instead of sugar? You know, berries, watermelon, melon? I feel I shouldn't even say anything, not having been pregnant or having given birth, but I know how crappy sugar makes me feel. Of course I eat it every day… chocolate chips straight from the bag, etc. It must be hard to get rest with so much on your shoulders and the little ones at the hospital. I am sure you look much better than you feel.

  7. physical activities will pep you up..you won't be as tired, and you'll feel better about your body. do some yoga at home. go for a walk. take your camera out around town (we haven't really had any pictures of austin from you). go out and explore town, all those parks and cafes and bakeries you want to go back to with your kids!

    and, manic mom's right. you're still supposed to be pregnant. eat up, go with it!

  8. I can TOTALLy sympathize…its such a tough stage to be at! I gained and lost and gained and lost weight during my years of breastfeeding 3 babies, and it was an emotional rollercoaster. Initially I lost the pregnancy pounds pretty fast due to brfding, but then my body seemed to slowly re-gain and hit 'critical mass' (about 15-20lbs over my non-baby weight—UGGG!) around 6-8 months. It was hard not to panic!!! But after that, and once the babies started eating foods steadily, the wt started to come off. At about 12-18 mos I was slim again, even with still nursing a couple times a day. Although, its never the same body you start with! I ate 'right' and walked/worked out the whole time I was nursing, beginning around 4 weeks post partum. Not too over-the-top for fear of drying up my milk or getting mastitus (learned that the hard way with baby #2), but definitely to a sweat a couple times a week! In the end my body just seemed to do what Mother Nature had in mind for it to do. The good side is that you will be too busy when the babies are home to dwell on it, too tired at night to think about it for more than 5 minutes, and Phil will not care as most husbands idolize their wives as new moms. Although body image issues are hard to live through, I was much more concerned with staying healthy and doing right by my babies than being a 'hot new mom'. So, I encourage you to stay focussed on what really matters at the moment: getting enough wholesome calories, splurging on a few treats every now and then, buying some comfy stylish clothes a size or 2 bigger, and enjoying the coming months. Down the road this will seem like a small blip on your radar of life and no big deal. Good luck!

  9. When you are done pumping every 2 or 3 hours, you will be less hungry. When you are home, in a routine, with a nanny, you will go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week and you will do something like swimming, which will in 2 months havee you looking terrifically better. And then, over time, you will shed what you don't need. Youve got extra to feed 2 babies. Food never tasted as fabulous to me (sadly) as when I was nursing or pumping. Revel in it now and do somthing about it later, when your body is more equipped for it. And remember that the presence of a nanny is going to help a lot.

  10. Ditto to Jessica's comment: Walk, walk, walk….& then walk some more, particularly when you're hungry. Start with two miles, work up to three, & then aim for greater distance, all at a fairly brisk pace. Your appetite will be reduced by the time you return home & eventually so will your measurements. I've tried gyms, aerobics classes, pilates, etc. & the only thing that I've stuck to (for over 20 yrs.) & really enjoyed has been the original Jane Fonda Workout. It's never been released in DVD & only is available on VHS. The work-out clothes are dated, the music is corny, but you get results with it.

  11. It's only natural to want your body back and to seek comfort in food in a time of stress but the last thing you need right now is more anxiety. You do not need to take on another project. Don't worry about the weight for a while, and though you are dog tired, force youself to go for some long walks. It will do wonders for your mind and help ward off those new pounds.

  12. I had my second child in September at 35 weeks, so I can relate to the feeling of wanting to get back into the clothes in your closet. I think the best thing you can do is to take a deep breath and tell yourself that you will get back into those clothes and feel good again, it's just going to take a while. I bought a couple of pair of juicy pants and shirts that are long enough to go over my enlarged boobs and "squishy tummy", as my 2 yr. old calls it and easy enough access to nurse. Buy a couple of comfy outfits that fit your new body and you feel good in and then you won't have to think about how different you feel. I eat quite a bit too, and I'm only feeding one baby. I found with my first pregnancy, pounds didn't fly off, but eventually around the 8th month mark I could fit back into my clothes. I know all bodies are different, but don't get hung up on the weight. Do what you need to do to feel comfortable and keep feeding those babes. Trust that your body will get back to your pre-pregnancy weight. Don't even dare to try to put on your old clothes, you'll ony be discouraged. Good luck.

  13. How did you lose the weight before? I know your upcoming book is about fat camp and such, so I'm curious as to how you got through that and became a thin woman.

  14. Please, give yourself a break. You're tired? Not motivated? Not disciplined? Stephanie, you're doing something harder than most of us will ever dream of. There's going to be plenty of time to rein yourself in, but for now, just comfort yourself in any way that works until you've built your physical and emotional reserve back up to normal.

  15. Stephanie,

    I feel for you…weight is such a tough issue. But seriously, you just had twins. You have to cut yourself some slack, be more forgiving to yourself, and not feel bad about indulging in some of your cravings. I don't think you should necessarily see a weight loss nutritionist just yet.

    Oh, and I weigh as much as you do, and I didn't have twins…

    Rachel.

  16. It will come off. I have pics of me one month after the twins were born and I was a heck of a lot trimmer than I am now! When the babies come home and you are too busy too eat, the feedings burning tons of calories and you get out there pushin that double stroller, the weight WILL come off. I was your age when I had my twins too so not some 20 year old spouting off!

  17. While nursing baby #2 most of my calories came from chocolate chip cookie dough. I kid you not. I couldn't stay away from chocolate… and I've never been a chocoholic. At about 7 months post partum I was ready for a change and did WW easily.

    Have you talked to your OB about post-partum depression? The tiredness, lack of motivation, and living to eat could all be signs that your maternal hormones are out of whack.

    I'd say "hang in there"… but I know that doesn't really help.

  18. Longtime reader, first time poster. Congrats on your new life! If you can forgive some armchair psychology, it sounds like you feel the way I sometimes feel, and I feel like I have to respond. Now I haven't had kids so I don't know the role that hormones and post-pregnancy play in all this. Also, I'm not talking about finishing off a pint while I'm pms-ing, which I don't think you're talking about either. It's like that times 100.

    Sometimes I feel like I don't just want to eat all that food but I want to disappear in it, have it fill me up until I want to burst, but it feels so good to be that full. I battle with myself before that second or third helping and then just take the whole carton to the couch so I can't keep track of how many helpings I've had because I am so disgusted with my face-stuffing. These times in my life have come and gone but I always realize (after the fact but now sometimes during, which is the reward for hard work I guess) that diving into food eyes closed means I am panicked. Or alone. Or angry. Almost any kind of overwhelmed. The eating feels good for two reasons. First, it's delicious and I love food and it's giving myself excess of things I normally get in "normal" servings. The other part, though, is harder. It's the distraction from my problems that the yo yo provides. I worry about my weight gain. Then I decide to start a plan. Then, my cravings-bordering-on-compulsions and I get together and sabotage said plan. Then I hate myself and think I am a failure at the most basic human function. Then I want to comfort myself from my self-hatred so I do what makes me feel good, which is eat. Repeat. Repeat again. This pattern has been familiar for 20 years. And it keeps my mind and body so busy that I can't deal with or process or have to face the feelings that I am running from.

    I've only gotten some relief from this since working on it in therapy (which I know is not your thing). But I have started to see this eating pattern for what it is to me – a big red flag waving itself urgently in front of my face. And I try not to think about the overeating and try to let myself eat what I want while I think about what is really going on. Am I tired of my life? Jealous of a friend? Scared I will be alone? If any of my guesses sounds even remotely right to me, I talk about it even if I don't think it's the magic bullet. After a little bit of thinking and talking I usually get somewhere. And once I identify what is really going on and accept how I feel (which is usually the hardest thing), then I get some relief. And I can actually feel hunger again. When I am in that stuff-my-face-and-feelings mode, the anxiety and hunger get all screwed up with each other and I've pretty much failed any attempt to control my eating before I even try. Unscrambling those signals is the key for me. And it's hard but so worth it.

    This is my experience and I wanted to share it with you because some of your shared experiences have helped me. Good luck.

  19. Oh girl — do NOT worry about this now. I was the heaviest ever the first six months of my daughter's life. By the time she turned 1, I was 40 pounds lighter — about 20 pounds lighter than I had ever been in my life. The weight comes off. Don't worry.
    But if not…. join WW in six months from now. It'll fall off you like you won't even believe.

  20. I always say the only thing that got me through the first year of my daughter's life is the fact that I self-medicated with M&M's.

  21. Jana–I would find new friends if they're smaller than they were before they got pregnant. What kind of friends are THOSE?

    And "a new crop of back fat" had me ROLLING! Thanks for the laugh!

  22. Ok maybe I am just too wore out from caring for my autistic son all by myself while waiting to have brain surgery for Cushings (which causes you to get fat with a big ass hump on your back while eating a 1000 calories a day, lovely!)but here's my thoughts on your post.

    A: Why on earth do you complain about so much of your life?? You have it a 1,000 times easier than most people. Rest, thank God the beans are alive and well, eat a piece of cake, stop overthinking everything to death and relax a bit on yourself!

    B: How do you know you need a nanny when the babies aren't even home yet? If both you and Phil work from home I don't see why you would even need a nanny that many hours a week. My son was a preemie too so I know that is extra work but geesh ,how about trying motherhood on first before enlisting help. You just might surprise yourself and grow a bit.

    Sorry if I sound really harsh but this is just my honest opinion about your post.I think you're pretty great really, I just wish you would let life just flow on it's own a bit.

  23. It amazes me how women can bring life into the world – those women who are lucky enough to even be able to do that -and yet still be so preoccupied with their weight. Imagine what we could do, and how much more we could feel if that wasn't an issue??? Especially dealing with preemie twins….give the weight issues a break.

  24. It's normal. I can't even imagine breastfeeding two, but breastfeeding my singletons made me ravenously hungry and I did not drop weight right away. I ate like a horse, but made sure to always have a huge water bottle nearby because sometimes thirst feels like hunger (they've told you that, right?)

    As soon as my body felt a little better, i.e. less bleeding (sorry TMI!), I started taking the babes for long, and I mean LONG, walks in the stroller. Even with a bagel in one hand and a latte in the cupholder, the weight started coming off. Nursing really does burn the calories, it's just going to take a while for your metabolism to adjust to not being pregnant anymore and holding onto the weight in a panic.

    I know everyone tells you this and it's hard to believe. I still vividly remember my stretch waist pants – the only ones I could wear – and I want to throw up just thinking about them!

    Have a party when you burn yours. It will happen.

    Now, where do I find one of these weight loss commandos who will give me drugs???

  25. I wonder if your breast milk comes out tasting rich & creamy like baskin robbins? Yummy. Maybe the twins are experiencing sugar highs from all the sweets you consume. I can think of a few ways to satisfy your cravings: dark chocolate, fiber & addition of healthy fats to your diet such as flax & fish oils.

    As an athlete, I think of food as fuel. This mentality generally helps me eat the right amounts & types of nutrients. It might sound lame, but I actually think about whether or not what I'm putting into my mouth is nourishing my body (and for nursing mothers, their babies growing bodies).

    It's sad that most women see food as the enemy of skinny legs & a tight ass or a way to self-medicate.

  26. Stephanie, it's big picture time. Sorry to break it to you – but WW nursing program is not for someone who is literally nursing twin preemies back to health and already has supply issues. Tell yourself whatever you will tell Abby when she struggles with weight, which I assume will be to love the skin she's in. This too shall pass, and you'll have time to diet, but I am sorry to hear that pills are involved.

  27. I feel you, and can totally relate, except, I have no babies, no excuse. I drank a slim fast for breakfast yesterday and by lunch time I was starving and ended up having a larger lunch than I would have had I skipped the shake in the first place. I need a dictator, or buddy too. My workout friend is also pregnant so she is out… and I am alone in my weight loss struggles myself. So I ate ice cream last night sitting on the sofa.

    Good luck to you, Im cheering you on.

  28. I think you're being unrealistic. Your babies have been ex utero barely a month! Geez! I know you demand a lot from yourself, but come on now. I know we're bombarded by images of Hollywood starlets back in bikinis two months after childbirth, but that simply is not normal (what, if anything, is normal about a celebrity's life?). You've got to admit to yourself that it just ain't gonna happen right now unless you, oh, take up meth (that was a joke, people). Losing weight right now cannot be healthy for you or the tots (and I'd venture to say Phil, too–his sanity, at least). You're going to have to buy a new wardrobe anyway, even after losing the weight, because your body is simply different, its weight having redistributed (at least that's what my child-bearing friends have said). I know it feels good to vent and you're likely very hormonal, but you did consider this before conceiving, right? I mean, you knew weight gain was unavoidable and that you wouldn't be a size 6 within a few months of birthing twins, right? I know you have serious weight issues, but you have to remind yourself that you are not overweight "Moose;" you are a Mother who is simply following medical advice to consume enough calories to nourish the two HUMAN BEINGS you and your loving husband created together. If that doesn't put things in perspective, nothing will.

  29. I've posted before and have never said anything negative (at least I don't think so!) — generally, I completely enjoy your insights and lovely writing. However, your obsession with your weight is sometimes too much to take. It seems that no matter what is going on in your life, it comes up as an issue. You have two new babies in a hospital and yet it emerges as a concern again. You write letters to your new children and mention how you'll tell your daughter how to look slimmer in her clothes. I know — it is your blog and you can write what you want. I just think it is so sad to see somebody with as much good fortune and talent as you focus on such an insignficant issue at what often seems like the most inappropriate times. I wish you luck trying to resolve what truly is a major problem for you.

  30. I have always believed that the only thing that got me through my daughter's first year of life was the fact that I self-medicated with plain M&M's.

  31. I can't help you with the motherhood thing, but as far as your cravings, wanting to eat everything sugar, and following a program… read Geneen Roth. Her books are amazing and incredibly helpful!

    Congratulations on having two beautiful babies :)

  32. What a thought provoking post from Amanda.

    "I just wish you would let life just flow on it's own a bit" from Kim is really good advice, Stephanie.

    Oh and if you're feeling down and fat and awful, just re-read your posts about the birth of your beans – plus your subsequent letters to them both (I was so, so frightened that one of them wouldn't make it)Can you see that the weight issue is so not important right now.

  33. I second the comments above regarding the inappropriateness of bringing up topics such as weight gain at a time when your beautiful babies are still in hospital. Get over yourself and remember how desperately you wanted to be pregnant in the first place. I have had 3 children and believe me, in the first few weeks after birth the last thing that was ever on my mind was my appearance or my wardrobe. I know you feel flabby and revolting but this will pass and your time will come again when you will be glamorous and fashionable.
    Repeat this mantra: "this is not my time" and concentrate on the job at hand – feeding your CHILDREN and learning how to be a parent – very hard work.
    the last thing you need is to put additional pressure on yourself to fit into your clothes – if you ask me you are on a fast track to post natal depression.

  34. I am appalled by this post. How can your weight even be a factor in yout head right NOW?? the last time you complained about this you had no idea that your real worry was just around the corner. This AGAIN? When my healthy baby was born and I was overweight from the pregnancy I barely even had the time or inclination to think about my body, much less myself. Motherhood is going to be rough if you don't take a step outside of your own self image issues.

    FROM STEPHANIE: Good for you. Glad you didn't feel the way I do. Think your comment helps anything? Not so much. And as for "Motherhood is going to be rough if…" MOTHERHOOD is rough anyway. It's rough and wonderful; I know this already, so don't bother throwing in an IF for me. We each deal with it differently, and I've always had weight issues… so why the hell would it be any different NOW? My life isn't about ME anymore, but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to feel.

  35. "rub your fat places and tell them that you only want what's best for them, which is to be healthy and to lose weight. positive affirmations!"

    WOW. and here i thought the way to lose weight was by eating fewer calories and going to the gym. my bad.

  36. I saw a nutritionist after my second daughter was born. Both pregnancies had resulted in an overall weight gain of about ten kilos (twenty pounds?) but my more immediate concern was the lingering eh-hem constipation. I'd put up with it while pregnant, and now wanted it fixed. The nutritionist put me on a wheat & dairy & gluten & yeast & sugar-free diet and I lost about thirty pounds in two months. And my daughter, the one I was still breast-feeding, lost weight, too. Turns out the nutritionist was wrong when she told me my milk production wouldn't be effected. Incidentally, she gave me a bunch of herb-based tablets to aid my digestion and I swear that's what gave my baby such bad gas for those few months. again, she'd said they were harmless.

    It's true what they say about your milk production dropping off when you don't eat enough. If you can hang on for a bit longer, at least until the babies have started supplementing your milk with formula and/or solids, then you can go nuts on a cardboard-only diet and lose those extra pounds without risking the kids' development. If you do decide to seek a nutritionist's advice, make sure he/she is a good one and don't let them prescribe any drastic changes.

  37. "I second the comments above regarding the inappropriateness of bringing up topics such as weight gain at a time when your beautiful babies are still in hospital. Get over yourself and remember how desperately you wanted to be pregnant in the first place."

    Here come the sanctimommys.

  38. I regularly read the blogs of women who have 1)Lost 12 pregnancies 2)Lost a baby days after giving birth 3)Just found out that she can not have any more children 4)Had a preemie who did not survive.

    These stories, and so many others, are the wake up calls that I needed to just feel happy that I am a mom.

  39. Sadly, what I'm taking away from this post and its comments is that M&M's are ideal for self-medicating. I'm perimenopausal, and the hypermetabolism which kept me eating what I pleased till age 38 has ground to a screeching halt. So I think about everything before I eat it, not after, and like someone posted, fresh seasonal fruit (which you probably have better access to in Austin than I do in NY) — while no lava cake — is quite yummy, and you can stuff you face with it pretty much with abandon.

  40. My Daughter is 1 yr old. I went to WW once she turned 4 months (april). I ate M$M's the first 4 months and then some. I craved chocolate and chocolate and anything chocolate. It's normal I hear. Anyway at the end of 4 months I broke my foot (bad bad foot break) in recovery till Nov. when I had my second surgery for it. I was given the okay to excersise one month ago…and rejoined WW. As I said she is 1.
    Try to just cherish your babies right now..do what you have to do for them…eat if you want you have the rest of your life to take the weight off. When you have some rest and have them home with some help you can start tryign to get the weight off. It will happen.

    Like others have said they you should still be pregnant and gaining weight. Give your body a break and focus on the beans! You will be thankful you did when they are a bit older, they are what matters right now! And you need to cope however you best cope. This is the most stressful time in your life right now, I imagine. Hang in there. You will do it !

  41. Steph, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m also a woman who’s had body image and weight issues all my life, and it is so ingrained to self hate when we don’t feel like we measure up. I too went to a Weight Nazi, with drugs, and patronizing, and even shots! Weekly weigh-ins and panic that I didn’t lose, then binging afterwards because I had seven more days to work it off. The horrible self-loathing I felt for myself if I gained a pound. Nihilistic I tell you! When I was a teenager, my mother told me, “No man will love you if you’re fat” and “No one wants a chubby girl.” How fucked up is that?? It’s no wonder I have issues today. Ask yourself why you need a dictator. Do you feel more secure if you think you’re being judged?

    I won’t tell you to take it easy on yourself, because it’s not that easy. It took me a LONG time to realize that I’ve been living my life, with body image expectations, according to other people’s standards, not my own. If you really listen to yourself, who are you trying to measure up too? Your mother? Phil? New York and what society says is beautiful or sexy? Your publisher and the image of a successful author? A lifestyle? I still struggle, but I’ve learned to listen what is a healthy standard for me. I would never want to be that 120 lb. woman again, because there’s just too much sacrifice, pain, and self-loathing involved in that zone. It’s fun for a time, no doubt, but I still felt insecure and unhappy. There was always something that I didn’t like. I’m much happier at 140 lbs., where I’m healthy and strong, and I’m truly able to enjoy life, cellulite and all. And let me tell you, confidence is MUCH sexier to a man than being able to fit into a certain size of jeans.

    The only bit of advice I can give to you on this is don’t do this to your daughter. Don’t let her grow up fixated on her body image like your mother did to you. Seriously, your parents sent you to Fat Camp….how screwed up of a message is that to send to a child? I’m sorry they did that to you, because you struggle with it even today. Don’t let your daughter learn from you to hate her body. You need to break this mindset Steph, it’s torture and you know it.

  42. Hi Stephanie,

    My heart goes out to you, because it really does seem like you are at war with yourself. I am sure the crazy swirling emotions you have been feeling about the birth of your children have not helped you to stay centered and take care of yourself. And dare I also say, the cravings for cakes and treats of all kinds are probably in direct corelation to the fact that you probably are feeling so overwhelmed, the only respite you have is eating.

    Can I suggest a book to you? It's called "The Four Day Win" by Martha Beck. Not that you have all the time in the world to read, but it has a lot of great self coaching information on how to banish your inner dictator who makes losing weight next to impossible. Because really, the last thing you need is a rigid program to get you on track. What you do in fact need, is some compassion for yourself.

  43. Stephanie….get those babies home healthy and then worry about your weight…you have so much stress on your right now…be kind to your body…its done a great job…you have lots of time to get back in shape again.

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