Dear Dirty Di,
I met a gorgeous guy named Andrew at the arcade. He was smiling at me. I gave him my number, and he called me three times today. He is fifteen, and he dresses preppy. He has a deep voice, and I’m going out on a date with him tomorrow. We are meeting at the mall. When I see him, I’m going to give him a kiss. I’m not going to be shy. I’m going to put my arms around him. I’m going to be very forward. I’ll grab him by the collar and give him a kiss! I can’t wait! I’m so excited. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.
P.S. We’re meeting at the mall at noon, and then we are going to the movies at 2:00 to see Sea of Love, which happens to be a movie with a lot of sex. I better get a hickey! He is soooo cute.
Andrew came over today, literally. No one was home. We were in my room, and he was kissing me really hard. Then we got to second and sloppy second. Then I went farther than I ever went before. I gave him a handjob, and he gave me one, too. What I mean is, he fingered me. That’s not nearly the bad part! Then he ate me out! Then he wanted me to give him a blowjob. I said no! Then he tried to FUCK me! I said, and I quote, "No fucking way." Then while I was giving him a handjob, he came all over me! My neck and my chest and my chin and my hair. It was sooooo disgusting!! It was getting flung across my body! Ewww! Anyway, then we went downstairs to the "new room." We kissed some more. I got a few more hickeys, and then I walked him to the bus! When I got home, I was doing my homework, then the doorbell rang. It was Andy. Turns out the bus didn’t accept bills, so he called for a cab. While we were waiting, he was kissing me. Then he undid my pants, fingered me again, was about to eat me out, when the doorbell rang. It was the cab driver. We kissed long and hard, and he grabbed a tit. He said he loved me, and then he left. It was so vile. I called him up later and told him I’d never done that before and thought we were going too fast. He agreed and said that he wanted to see me on Friday night. We are going to Laces Roller Rink. I can’t wait! I got Billy Joel tickets!
Stephanie (The Experienced)
–October 1989, Age 14
I’m writing my second book, MOOSE, which means I’ve been spending a lot of time digging through camp letters and diary entries. It’s fun combing through it all, wondering what I’ll use, what this says about that time in my life. People seem to be amazed that I’ve kept it all. I only wish I still had all the letters I wrote and mailed to friends back then, from camp. I only have their letters, written to me, in response to what I’d sent them. It’s why people shouldn’t bother writing letters. Someone else ends up with a record of your life.
I realize the things I wanted then, at twelve years old (that’s when the entries start), aren’t that different from what I want now. The basic needs are the same, wanting to be liked.