the bachelor “issue”

In ALL, DATING & MATING by Stephanie Klein50 Comments

Cover_1I phoned my new Austin girlfriends.  "You should totally come with me.  They’ll also be photographing Austin’s most eligible bachelors."  I was scheduled to arrive at a sports bar for a photo shoot with Austin Monthly Magazine.  "The Bachelor Issue."  They’d be photographing me and then shooting the men.  My single girlfriends agreed and arrived in their trendy Wednesday best.

"Last year’s bachelors were such a disappointment," one of the girls said.  And I of course assumed she was talking about their looks.  I guess when you hear "most" eligible bachelor, you think calendar men.  I think dynamic men, accomplished, and sure easy on the eyes.  But what really makes one a "most eligible bachelor?"

See I know a single guy in Austin who’s eager for a real relationship.  As a friend, I know he’s a nice guy, affectionate, sweet and probably communicative in a relationship.  If he were furniture, he’d be a lazy-boy recliner.  But when he speaks, as a woman, I cringe.  Last time we were together I asked how work was going.

"It’s going.  I mean, I’m still working for a living, which I guess is fine for now, but really, I’d love to get on welfare."  Dear lord.  What woman wants to be with a guy who’s got no ambition?

"Don’t you want to make your mark on the world?  Do something big?"

"Nah.  I leave that to you creative types.  I’d like to never have to work, or to take a job where I could get away with doing as little work as possible."  I cannot bring myself to set him up with anyone.  "Come on," he says, "you’ve got to have some hotty to set me up with.  No one fat.  I don’t like the fatties."  Ew.  Now I want to smack him, but the thing is, he really is a good guy, but I cannot imagine setting him up.  I’m certain he’d take her for fast-food.  The boy doesn’t understand going out to restaurants where linen draped across tables is the norm.  "What, like that meal you just paid for, do you really think it was 50 times better than a McDonald’s cheeseburger?  Is it really worth paying 50 times more than a perfectly good cheeseburger?"  You can’t teach this.  The thing is though, he’d make a great father and attentive husband to someone.  Just no one I know. It’s exactly why I invited the girls to the bachelor photoshoot.  Eventually though, we got too hungry to stick around and wait for each man to arrive, so we headed across the street for mini-burgers and corn dogs.  Not a far cry from McDonald’s after all.

Comments

  1. That's such a great photo of you. I've been tracking Straight Up on Amazon…fingers crossed for you to crack the double digits soon…then on to singles…wooooo…

    Also…was reading the August UK Marie Claire when I come across the 'cool new word of the month':

    Furkid.

    Methinks I've heard this before.

  2. "The boy doesn't understand going out to restaurants where linen draped across tables is the norm."

    Is this really true? When I first started dating my wife, I was sure to go to 'nicer' places. Once we got comfortable, a Friday night date might well be meeting at the laundromat and eating at the local diner while the clothes were washed. And even today, 100 years later, we still spend a lot more time at the diner than at tables with linens. And I would bet that about 90% of America does as well.

  3. I know a man like this. Isn't it sad that there is more than one in this world? He is a great guy besides the fact of not appreciating anything fine in todays society. Oh anyhoo – I like the olive green eye shadow. Great photo!

  4. I wish you would write about how you have made friends so quickly….is it living in a "community", through sports or a favorite watering hole? Please do tell! Great pic!

  5. I had a boyfriend just like that… very sweet and nice and funny, but going nowhere and not bothered at all about it. That wasn't the only reason things didn't work out, but it certainly contributed — I felt shallow for feeling this way for a long time, but it's depressing to be with someone who has no ambition and feels helpless about themselves. It killed my momentum and excitement about what I was doing too. Despite all his good qualities, I had to do what was best for myself in finding someone who was moving forward, someone who would challenge me to be better. Shallow and self-centered? Maybe, I don't know. I hope your friend will find someone, though. I think someone who's more secure than I am could probably deal with that kind of thing and be ok.

  6. I complained to my boyfriend about how we don't go out to dinner enough. That night, he took me to a Boston Market. Do you ever get the feeling you're living in a sitcom?

  7. I fear leaving New York City because of guys like the one you described. Hard core ambition flies out the window when you cross the Hudson River!

  8. As a guy, when I was younger (eg 23) "passion" was all about seeing how much sex (and in how many positions) I could muster with my then-girlfriend in one night. But as I got a bit more experienced in life (eg when sex was not the end-all, be-all I'd been led to believe it was) I realized that passion is about doing something — anything — that actually says to the world: "this is who I am, this is what I've done, and if you don't like it, kiss my ass."

    It doesn't mean you need to invent a cure for cancer; it doesn't mean you've got to fly across the world in a single-engine prop plane; and it doesn't mean you need to write a best-seller. It means, essentially, that you need to do something that makes you proud of who you are.

    A friend of mine has a similar lack of ambition as your friend; he'd willingly collect welfare and coast through life rather than work. I can't understand it. Whatever it is we do in this life, it's got to have some measure of our own personal stamp. I hope your friend decides to live life rather than survive it; I doubt mine will. I feel badly seeing him struggle, and while I doubt I will ever understand it, I hope I never do.

    Great post.

  9. Maybe, just maybe, America and the UK will realize that "Furkid" is a made-up word, and adults don't make up words.

    Go ahead: Tell me I lack a sense of whimsy. Tell me I am unforgivingly harsh. I take pride in being able to use the language I have available to me to convey the things I need to convey–without resorting to childish nuances.

  10. Bravo Stephanie on everything. Love the design of the new site.

    As far as this guy in Austin, there are so many of them around. Guys without clues. It's okay I guess. Leaves that many more women for me ;)

    Though it makes me want to kick some of them. They are such good guys, but with mixed up sensibilities. Not that you have to spend the benjamins on the girl all the time, but do it up and enjoy. Applebees is for when you're in the mall and need something to eat. F

    ar too many great restaurants in Philadelphia to enjoy.

  11. Banana Esq…Boston Market, hilarious. It's nice that he listened and acted though. You're halfway there. Maybe next time you'll hit up a Bennigans!

    Stephanie, how did you make friends so quickly? Please tell. I thought I was the only one who had trouble with this.

  12. great picture first of all….i have 2 very good friends like that. we grew up together and i know how good they are yet i know i could never set them up with anyone i would actually be friends with. it is really sad actually i want them to be happy and it would be nice to like the women they end up with. how do you teach someone these things? i dont want to be rude but they will have to learn what a woman will respond to!

  13. I second what LisaMarie said, how have you made friends so quickly? I moved to the Austin area over four years ago and have made, hmmm, maybe two sort of friends. Maybe it's because I'm so shy, or too picky? Who knows!
    I like the eye shadow, it's funky.

  14. What I love most about the English is their ability to seperate work from pleasure and unlike in America, you are not what you do. Art, music, history, science and literature….these are the things that matter and not how far up the ladder you are. Last but not least, whatever happened to the lib movement? Can't women love a *nice* guy and take care of their own career?

    Gotta go….the big mac is getting cold!

  15. Clive, there are American women out there like the one you describe. Apparently Stephanie's just not one of them.

  16. Oh boy, I dated someone like that. He never saw the point of nice things. He rolled his eyes at my handbags and blue boxes. I loved him so it was fine not enjoying the finer things in life. When it came down to it though, it went far beyond "things".
    Afterall, if a man doesnt care to notice the difference of an amazing burger…whose to say he'll realize how amazing *I* am?

    (beautiful picture)

  17. I too would like to know how you went about making friends. Time to take a more proactive approach instead of hoping I will happen across someone worthy of the title instead of a string of aquaintances.

  18. I think pregnancy agrees with you… despite the throwing up, you look fantastic in that pciture – just glowing!

  19. Clive and DooPoo—it isn’t that work or career should define a good man (I agree that there is much more to life), but I bet even European women don’t want a man whose biggest aspiration is to be on welfare. You can appreciate art and music all day, but it doesn’t pay the bills and I’m not going to pay them for you. Know what I mean?

  20. You can't teach class but the right woman can cultivate him. My Mother always says, "A woman attracts her equal." When I push, I need someone to push back. When the friend you are talking about pushes, he might just lay down. I've dated the door mat. I've been the door mat.

    The door mat is out to dry.

  21. Huge Fan wrote in part " women don’t want a man whose biggest aspiration is to be on welfare."

    Not even trust fund welfare??? LOL

    p.s. the Euro welfare system is far different than it is here in the US. Anyway, I still say that how a man loves a woman is far more important than what he does for a living. Women can provide money for themselves.

  22. You look awesome in that pic! Very different than any other picture I have seen you in. Maybe it has something to do with you being TRULY happy! :)
    Jen

  23. I had not thought of trust fund welfare…you may be on to something there!! :) Just kidding. I think that might even be worse!

  24. I've dated Mr. White Linen Tablecloth and while I savored lots of delightful food I always seemed to end up feeling empty in the long run. I'm now dating Mr. McDonald's, who while he doesn't aspire to welfare doesn't define himself by his job and the fancy meals that money can buy. I've never been happier. He may not know thread counts or appreciate linens but he's the most loving, attentive, appreciative man I've ever known. I can buy my own dinner when I want but have yet to know where to buy such love.

  25. Kelly, haven't you ever heard of a portmanteau? Language is alive, breathing and evolving as it always has and always should be.

  26. Men, such as this, are not necessarily unambitious but inseucure. They're afraid of failure and feel they are too old, or don't have the resources to persue something totally new.

  27. I'm not sure the point Stephanie was trying to make came across. The point is he is still living like he is in college- barren domain, happy hour deal specials, cheeseburger because it's cheap rather than getting a steak because he might just like it. This is not a commentary on whether someone who likes linen dining is a better catch than someone who eats at Papaya King. Or maybe I didn't ge the point across either…

  28. The Bachelor issue…two words, Bobby Bones. Now that's a bachelor I'd like to meet. Best radio host here in Austin. Hands down.

  29. I would respect you (a lot) more if all your photos didn't have your boobs hanging out.

    You are a strong, successful, intelligent woman . . . do you really have to resort to this? And what of being coy? Sex sells but, I am not buying it. In my mind, you've sold out to sell, rather than relying on your writing talent.

    Just one person's opinion.

  30. I think the dude needs to move to Jacksonville, Fl. I lived there for 10 years. Plenty of women who could appreciate him. Only over there, it's Hardees where biscuits are king. And yes, you look fab.

  31. Amen, JoeyB and dcgal. Those who judge books by their covers — as beautifully and creative Stephanie's is in the USA — deserve to look for thread counts in sewing baskets. Real Simple.

  32. Wow Cor, I didn't see sad eyes at all. When I look at that picture of Stephanie I see peace. Long sought after, hard-earned peace within.

  33. I am your makeup expert, and I am not really down with the shag carpet green shadow either. It's fun, but…stick to the plums my love. I know, "but they're boring". So what?! They look better than that nonsense.

    If you want fun, try Indigo Moon at Estee Lauder…if they haven't gotten rid of it seeing as they put their new shadows out. It's BRIGHT purpley-blue. It looks cool as liner on top.

    How's NY? Stay cool. And too bad the guy doesn't like the fatties; how ironic that he likes to go to Micky-D's?! Yeah. good luck Batman.

  34. Gorgeous picture. What makes one eligible? Not involved. Has a handle on life with as little baggage as possible. Is it out there?

  35. Stephanie,

    I just came home to find your book had arrived in the mail today from Amazon. I am SO excited to get started on it, but first I wanted to send my congrats on the book, and wish you good luck in the whirlwind of media exposure you'll be getting in the near future. Now let me open this box…

  36. Austin is a counter-culture center, filled with musicians and dreamers. Perhaps you should return to NYC for the white linen guys.

  37. The mantype can only get away with that behavior up to a certain age. There are boys in high school that know better than to let those words come out of their mouth around a female. Last time I checked, "lazy" was wasn't a very desirable characteristic. Lazy does not = swexy. Swexy is ambition, desire, passion but not necessarily money. It is a grownup man that would never say he would rather be on welfare. And what kind of asshole with all that lack of ambition declares he doesn't want a fattie? His redheaded friend should set him straight…

  38. I think to those of us who "get" Stephanie, the point was well made. Great pic, Steph. You look Fab!

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