pigs in a blanket

In ALL, KNOCKED UP, MARRIAGEby Stephanie Klein50 Comments

I went to SAKS yesterday, mainly to help The Suitor find a suit.  Of course I pulled the whole, "I’ll meet you in the men’s department in a bit," thing, then hit the sale racks.  I can’t help myself.  In Austin, the sale rack is the width of a New York City apartment bathroom.  In New York, there are rows, aisles really, of sale.  I grabbed enough that my arm couldn’t carry much more, then headed for a fitting room. 

All I have to say is, I need a shirt that says, "I’M NOT FAT.  I’M PREGNANT."  Nothing fit.  Things pulled, encased me, really.  My arms feel like sausages, and I promise you, as I rode the escalator, I saw, in my moving reflection, cellulite on my arms.  "Well, that sucks," I said aloud.  But really, who the hell cares?!  I’m a happy pregnant lady!  So I’ll find something with 3/4 length sleeves next time.  And that’s the other thing: there will be a next time.  After the babies, I can worry about my weight again.  But for now, it’s all about embracing being a healthy earth mother, curves, curls, and cellulite.  Why the hell not?  Though, I might just get a blow out. 

And just a reminder… TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!!!  I’m so damn excited!  I’ll be reading a passage from STRAIGHT UP AND DIRTY, followed by a Q & A discussion, and then I’ll be signing books. All the chicklets will be there, as well as The Suitor, and for the first time… my father.  This will be his first ever "my daughter is an author" event.  I wish my sister Lea could be there, and of course my mother, too.  But they’ll be there in spirit, I know.

BORDERS BOOKS & MUSIC
Columbus Circle
(Second Floor of Time Warner Building, above Williams Sonoma)
7 PM

Comments

  1. I look forward to coming to see you tonight! I know what you mean about sales — I always think Lord and Taylor has the best ones though, designer prices reduced down to nothing. Enjoy your short visit back in NYC :)

  2. I was going to be spontaneous and go to NYC for the reading, but I have to be responsbile and not spend tons of money;) Hope it goes well, though!

    The beginning pregnant stage is tough because it's not obvious it's a baby belly and not just a food belly. Not that it really matters. I'm sure you're glowing with excitement so people can tell:)

  3. I wish I could be there tonight but I have dinner plans.

    I hope you have a great time and revel in all of your well deserved glory.

  4. I can not wait to read your book. Good luck tonight and eat all that you want for your babies. I sure did :)

  5. please come to Baltimore and read for us!!!!! I feel neglected ;)

    and I'm sure you look stunning as usual… cellulite and all.

  6. I told the same thing to my friend when she was pregnant. Enjoy the 9 months, eat whatever you want and don`t worry about your weight. Its only time in your life when no one is going to comment on your weight insteed you`ll get: hey, isnt she cute?

  7. Will there be a tour?
    All the best on tonight, I just finished the book and enjoyed every word.
    Thank you-

  8. Can't wait! Do not worry about how you look, you KNOW your fans adore you no matter what. We all consider ourselves part of your 'friends and family' as much as we aren't. Enjoy tonight and you will be fantastic!

    So sorry you are here during the heat wave, or wait, is this usual for Austin as well?

    Be fabulous

  9. Good Luck Stephanie! I am so jealous, when are you coming to the UK?!! I have read you book already, I wish I could be at the Q+A session. It really annoys me that I do not know what you sound like!!!

  10. I haven't picked up the book yet and it has been killing me. Wanted to wait for the signing…

  11. thank you for taking the time tonight. My friends and I will be there. I'm sure you'll look perfect.

  12. Will you be doing any other touring to promote the book? Or only in select, bigger cities? I live in upstate NY and would love to see you read, if that is a possiblity?
    Me and my girl friends are making it our first book club book!

  13. Do yourself a BIG favor: don't pig out during the pregnancy…the results will come back to haunt you. Not, as you probably assume I'm implying, in the looks department…I'm talking about an aperture of a particular size and an object that HAS to pass through it at some point. Do you really want to blow that thing out of proportion? Eat moderately…eat fruits and salads and nuts and lean meats. My girlfriend (European; we live in Europe) ate wisely and we got a nice smooth three hour labor as her reward. Plus she looks absolutely STUNNING now…people assume our daughter is her niece. Meanwhile, her short, spherical best friend is 6 months pregnant, eats like a varsity wrestler, and just got news that the kid is already 'big'…
    Trust me! This 'eating for two' bit is semantics…because one of the two you're eating for is not another adult, it's the size of a tadpole! Keep that Fetus slim! It'll pass like a watermelon seed through greasy lips! You're gonna wanna thank me afterwards…

  14. That is so exciting about your book! Congratulations and have a fantastic time. As for being pregnant and the issues that come with it, you've got the right attitude girl!

  15. Good luck on the reading, and congratulations with the babies! Enjoy the pregnancy; I'm sure you've never looked better.

  16. You have a heart as big as Texas and writing talent to match…and with those eyes and curls who is noticing your arms? No one! Wish I could be there but here are many cheers for tonight and this exciting time in your life!!!

  17. I'm swinging by early to say hello but I have to go to a bday dinner tonite. I'll be giving your book as a gift.

  18. Good luck tonight, and congratulations with the babies. Enjoy your pregnancy; I'me sure you've never looked better!

  19. Yep, I eat like a horse when I'm pregnant and gain like 60 pounds every time (4 pregnancies so far). I watch my weight carefully when I'm NOT pregnant, so I "go to town" when I am. This is not healthy, and I hope that next time I only gain about 40. Anyway, I have a yummy 5 week old and I'm on the WW nursing diet now. As you can imagine, I have a lot to lose. If I didn't give myself the license to pig out, I wouldn't have so much weight to deal with afterwards! My advice to you; eat healthfully, eat well, eat for twins (!!!), but skip the cake. AND AND AND…enjoy your (new?) zaftig body. I always feel the most beautiful when I'm big and pregnant.

  20. OK. First of all, I'm so pleased to see you enjoying your developing body. It gives me great hope as my hubby and I head towards TTC. I am desperately trying to be comfortable in my own skin. Second of all, Steven's advice is sound, but you have to remember that everyone is different. There are many factors affecting labor and delivery and simply eating healthy isn't going to insure a smooth labor! My sister's baby girl was 6 lbs 5 oz and she STILL was in labor for 14 hours. *steps off soapbox*
    Last but certainly not least, we demand pictures!! Belly shots, whatever.

  21. Does your dad still live in Manhasset? Whistling while I work tonight and wishing you luck — not that you'll need it. Congrats!

  22. Good luck tonight! Will be looking for you when you come to Chicago.

    P.S. That Steven Augustine person terrifies me. Please disregard everything he said. Feed that baby and yourself.

  23. i just devoured your book and i felt like i could have written it myself, except though probably not as well, but with the same amount of adoration for food. it felt good to know i wasn't the only one who was duped by a good looking, good-for-nothing liar. and that there is bliss afterwards.

    many, many congrats from one of your many, many groupies :)

  24. Ooops! To clarify (minus the comedic hyperbole this time)…I certainly didn't mean to 'diet' during pregnancy. I only meant it's better not to use pregnancy as a license to gorge…getting your fill of nutrient-rich (non-junk) food is NOT the same as blowing up…but you know that, of course. I'm just clarifying so you aren't legally liable if a person of a literalist persuasion either A) goes on a grapefruit diet when pregnant or B) becomes, uh, terrified.

  25. Hi. I read you daily, and am touched by your writing!
    Just wanted to say good luck with the babies :) And good luck tonight! Have fun.

  26. Hell, I'm not pregnant and I've got worry over my hams. That's a tough place to firm for anyone but I understand the obsession. Apparently, mine are acceptable but they look a lot bigger when you obsess. Just get some barbells and start lifting until you birth out the kids and then you'll have living barbells. Fancy that! you'll probably be anorexic six months after you give birth from all the running around and mothering. Or get one of those boxing bags and beat it all the time. That way you get out your aggression while at the same time training your hams.

  27. Actually Steven, is was not so much the reference to dieting which had ME terrified – more the graphic use of the phrase "greased lips" as an analogy.

    But that's just me.

    Cheers to a healthy pregnancy, Stephanie. See you tonight.

  28. I heart Saks, but please – you're a New Yorker – they don't do maternity. Here you go.

    Liz Lange Maternity is $40 and under.

    Where: 958 and 960 Madison Ave., nr. 75th St., When: 8/1–8/3 (11–6)

  29. Wow, you're such a great writer. I can't believe how awesome your writing is. I particularly like the SAKS stuff at the beginning.

  30. i read about your book and your site in People. i really like your blog…..you are able to verbalize things i think and feel but can't express…good luck with everything :)

  31. what did labosseuse mean when she said TTC? am i losing it?
    I certainly believe in being healthy whilst being pregnant. My friends gave birth to 8 lbs. and 10 lbs.'ers and are proud of that, but I think that is honestly huge. I think the mother gained too much for each pregnancy.

    I heart lord and taylor. too bad we won't have them for that long…..

  32. L&T is on it's way out because nobody can muster the psychic energy to go there. The motherships are Bloomingdales, Saks, and if you're a total rich bitch (lucky you) – Bergdorf Goodman.

    As it has always been, and will continue to be.

  33. Have a great reading & book signing. Unfortunately, I can't make it uptown after work. I remember that stage of pregnancy when you look fat but not yet pregnant. Awkward indeed. Carrying twins, however, you should be looking pregnant in no time! Much better matenrity clothes these days than when I was pregnant.

  34. Just finished the book last night. I was sad when it had to end, but am glad that I can read here daily. I can not wait unil I hear about an Austin book signing. I'll be there with bells on! Oh, and about your arms-don't even worry another second about them. They will be the strongest, most defined part of your body once you've toted those babies around in their car seats for a couple of months. Keep us updated on your pregnancy-(I'm one of those weird women who loves to hear and share about all the crazy, can this still really be my body experiences that come along with pregnancy.)-I'm sure your spin on pregnancy and motherhood will be hilarious.

  35. damn you who do not support lord and taylor!
    long live them forever.. especially manhasset

  36. Good luck tonight! And don't worry about the extra 'baby weight'—-you'll lose it faster than anything when you're running after your little ones after their born. My sisters all lost their baby weight once the kids started running around like lunatics…(hehe)

    God bless!

  37. Amanda B is right. A fetus will develop independently of how the mother eats. Steve is also right…to a point. You should eat healthy (gorging on junk will benefit neither you or your babies) but for the love of God, don't ignore your cravings. When I was pregnant I ate alot of little meal that were nutritous all day long BUT when my body demanded chocolate or ice cream or whatever, I indulged it…just in reasonable amounts.
    Even if I can understand where Steve is coming from, it is a bit grating to read advice on how to eat while pregnant coming from a male. No offense to Steve (it drove me nuts when my husband did it to me too) but really, you've never been there and have no idea what our hormones go through. Yes she should eat right, but no matter how healthy she eats, nothing is gonna be sliding out of there like a watermelon seed through greasy lips. I don't care if she lives on brussel sprouts and soy beans…that will NEVER happen. Giving birth is simply not that easy, no matter how well you take care of your body when you are pregnant.

  38. good luck tonite steph…man I wish I could be there. What are you reading? I have read the book covere to cover and would love to know what it is that you will be saying.
    love kat
    p.s I was the same with both my pregnancies. Spent my whole life battling my weight and when I got pregnant the first time I had just lost 55 lbs so of course I just went "hog wild" and gained it and an extra 10 ( for luck) back. Then gave birth to a 10 lb beautiful baby boy..by c section cause his head was too damn big! Ahh well, all worth it and then some. Finished with child bearing and now am at a healthy weight ( for me ). Thinner than I have ever been in my adult life…very happy and proud. Just saving my pennies for a tummy tuck and boob lift. HaHa

  39. I love your healthy attitude towards your body and the pregnancy.

    Good luck tonight!

  40. Okay, completely non sequitur, but Stephanie, the site looks fantastic. The incorporation of your photography is so eye-pleasing. I'm thinking of taking a photography class for fun and because me own site needs some adornmentSee link in URL).

    Do you (or any commentors)have camera recs for a digital neophyte? Something preferably around 300 bucks (unless that price is delusional).

    Thanks.

  41. Just to clarify something said in comments here, it is my understanding that, assuming the mother is not malnourished, a fetus develops to a size and at a pace that is independent of how much the mother eats. The body is designed to give the baby as much and only as much as it needs in development, and the mama gets the rest. There is no such thing as "fattening up" a fetus. Big babies are born for various reasons, but not because "the mom ate too much." Eat healthy, take care of yourself, but please don't worry about "keeping that baby slim."

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