"Yeah, but I think I’m ovulating."
"What do you mean, you think?"
Do I go there? Do I discuss discharge and the ovulation kit strips I pee on each morning? I think he’ll close his eyes and cover his ears if he hears the word "discharge." Maybe he associates it with being fired. "Son, I’m sorry, but you’re now being discharged." I doubt it, doubt he has ever been fired, and doubt he thinks about work when he hears the word. I think men think of yeast infections when they hear the word "discharge." They don’t think of ovulation. Neither do I, really. I think of how some women I know always wear a panty liner. Who does this? I don’t get it. I can’t imagine it’s healthy to always wear one. But what do I know? I know that I now associate my discharge with ovulation, ever since scouring fertility web-sites has become the thing to do.
It’s funny, actually. When I first moved in here, The Suitor noticed I’d kept many volumes of Martha Stewart’s Weddings magazines. I tucked them into white magazine boxes I bought at Ikea with Erin, once upon a married life ago. I saved the magazines all this time, many years later, not crazed to marry at all, but more for the photos, napkin folding ideas. For the photography I guess. When The Suitor saw them, he didn’t seem terrified (we were already engaged by then), but he did say, "Man, you were on a mission, huh?" I rolled my eyes. Getting married is an activity, well having a wedding is. It can consume people to the point where they forget it’s about marriage in the first place. I was that person a long time ago. And I guess, in a lesser way, I’m that person now. Not about a wedding; ’cause really, I just don’t give a shit. As long as I get to wear a veil and there’s a photographer there to capture all the times I cry, then I’m happy. But I’m slightly consumed with getting pregnant. I’m not stressed or worried, am enjoying the times when I get to say, "I’m ovulating; have your way with me, fast."
"Well, I think I’m ovulating because I’m all slippery, and the ovulation kit has two lines, but it says they both have to be equal in color intensity." Right now, the test line isn’t quite as intense as the control line. It’s getting close though because before, no test line showed up. I feel like it’s the countdown time before Christmas. It just feels like it’s getting closer. I’m going to listen to Christmas music today, despite the spring in the air thing that’s going down in New York City.