When I was born, you started writing in a black book you kept in your armoire. I think it had gold-rimmed pages. When I grew old enough to know you had the book, I wondered what you’d written in it. I was an embarrassed teenager and worried you were writing about my getting my period. I probably threw a fit and demanded you show it to me. Because that’s what I did when I didn’t get my way. Okay, so it’s what I still do today, but Phil’s helping me work on that. Which is nice, having someone who helps me to learn to grow into a better person.
Life is so short, Dad. I stood graveside near you and Carol recently, and I came home that night and wrote the following in my black book, the one I keep in my armoire (like father, like daughter):
Today I stopped worrying about my life. I heard about the life Carol’s father lived, about the life he lead in a quiet witty way, and the people he left behind, people who know how much he cherished and honored them. I stopped worrying if I was doing things right or by the book. Who cares? We have so little time here.
I remember putting a pebble up my nose and having to go to the ER the day we moved into East Williston. It seems like yesterday. I remember Grandma and Grandpa taking me to The Straton for onion bread the day Lea was born. Grandma trying to split my cake slice with me. “Stephanie, you can’t eat all that. We’ll split it, and keep our girlish figures.” I wanted to yank the plate back and to tell her to get her own.
I wish she were alive for this joy. I miss her so much. I’m thankful I can share this with you, with Grandpa, with my family. This is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. All my dreams are coming true. The writing, the love, the family. This is everything I’ve hoped for. I just never imagined it would come, really truly arrive, the way it has, by just doing what I love. I am so very blessed.
I hear so many older people say they can remember when I was a child like it was yesterday. Time goes by so fast, and this is mine. It’s up to me how I fill it. I choose to fill it with Phil. He’s my family, too. And now, it’s not just you, Phil, and me. Now there’s more to consider.
You always cursed me with, “I hope you have a kid just like you.” Well you know what? While that might be a big pain in the ass, I couldn’t wish for anything more. A stubborn petulant child with a huge heart and the best dad ever? I’ll take it. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my entire life. Because with Phil, I KNOW it’s right because he’s just as big of a pain in the ass as I am… but we love each other. And in all honesty, he’s felt like family long before we discovered we were blessed with this pregnancy. So now, in just one day, you’re learning that you’re gaining a son and will soon gain the title of Grandpa. I love you with all my heart Dad.
February 1st, 2006 at 7:37 am
wow.
February 1st, 2006 at 7:39 am
Holy %&*#!!!!!!! (Monica nearly swallows tongue) CONGRATULATIONS!!!… All of the good stuff couldn't have happened to a nicer person.
February 1st, 2006 at 7:53 am
*jumps up and down for you both!!!!!!*
I'm not even going to edit…holy shit!!!! Ha! Stephanie, Phil, congratulations! This complete stranger is absolutely grinning with happiness for the two and soon to be three of you!
Am I ever glad I didn't speculate yesterday, today's post feels like a reward for being a good girl!
Sending a bajillion and one hapy thoughts and great vibes out to you guys! And Stephanie? If indeed there is a ring, will we be lucky enough to see pictures of it? Or is that too invasive? And maybe some pictures of your home? My gosh, I'm actually giddy.
I better go have a cup of coffee….
Hurrah!!!!!!!!!
February 1st, 2006 at 7:55 am
Goodness.. I scratch my head at the 'past tense' in that post!
February 1st, 2006 at 8:16 am
Awwww. Good things happening! If and when you ever feel blue, come back to this day and remind yourself how happy and lucky you are. Sometimes we forget. But I hope you told your Dad directly and not by blog!
February 1st, 2006 at 8:19 am
Congratulations! After reading this site for a long time, it's really nice to be able to share your happiness at such an exciting time.
February 1st, 2006 at 8:21 am
CONGRATULATIONS! I am so happy for you! Its just proof that if you believe good things will come to you, and it couldn't have happened to a better person. Best of luck. And I do hope that she/he is just like you. We need more people like you in the world!
February 1st, 2006 at 8:22 am
wow, I am so touched.
and of course: congratulations!
February 1st, 2006 at 8:23 am
i like that deannabanana, " a reward for being a good girl' – it does feel a bit like that!
i think amanda better eat her words eh!?
congrats you – what amazing news!!
February 1st, 2006 at 8:32 am
you've brought tears to my eyes this morning… what a wonderful announcement. congratulations!
February 1st, 2006 at 8:32 am
Hey, congratulations.
February 1st, 2006 at 8:34 am
Doesn't the past tense mean that this is a reflection on something that happened in the past? That its not something currently happening to you?
February 1st, 2006 at 8:53 am
WOW..I am just floored by your admission today!! Being a mum of 2 little ones I can't wait to see the effect this has on your writing. Pregnancy does funny things to people!!
Good luck Stephanie!!
kat
February 1st, 2006 at 8:55 am
OH MY GOD!! Wow. COngratulations, Stephanie.
Except, yeah, I am confused about the past tense filing. Is that because you are remembering the book? Oh well. Congrats.
February 1st, 2006 at 9:06 am
Wow! Thats wonderful news
Congrats to both of you! You`ll make great parents 
February 1st, 2006 at 9:06 am
[Broad smile; present tense.]
February 1st, 2006 at 9:07 am
YIPEEEEEE…WOW!!!!! Awesome….scratching head…really????
February 1st, 2006 at 9:08 am
I wrote it in the past, but yes, we are engaged. More to come on the "how" and "when" front in the coming weeks. And thank you very much for all your kind and wonderful congratulations!
February 1st, 2006 at 9:10 am
How exciting!!!! Congratulations! What a way to tell your dad you are going to have his grandkid! I am sure your parents are swelled up with pride!
February 1st, 2006 at 9:14 am
That's really freaking awesome…just wow!
February 1st, 2006 at 9:25 am
Congratulations.
February 1st, 2006 at 9:27 am
Congratulations and best of luck!
And it's nice to read his name, and not his 'title' or nickname.
I secretly hope you share all the details of the proposal and finding out you were pregnant… *crosses fingers* I love romantic stories
Happy for you
February 1st, 2006 at 9:39 am
What happy news!!! I've been reading along without commenting but couldn't let this go by without sending my congratulations and best wishes. ~ Lori
February 1st, 2006 at 9:40 am
Awesome news. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. Take care of you.
February 1st, 2006 at 9:41 am
You are truly blessed. You have your own family and a life that is starting, not a new chapter, but a new book. I couldn't be happier for both of you.
February 1st, 2006 at 9:45 am
This is a great post! Being a frequent reader it's great to hear the happy, wonderful, exciting things your life is bringing to you. I, as I'm sure everyone else, feel like I have this far away pen pal.
And, being 4 months pregnant myself, (our first) I can say that this is a strange but awesome journey!
Congrats x 2 to the both (well 3) of you!
February 1st, 2006 at 9:50 am
what excellent news, good for you! as a long time reader, it's a very strange feeling to be excited and happy for someone who i've never met and who wouldn't know me from adam! just one question, how does it feel to have such a big reversal in fortune in your life? or indeed, does it feel like a reversal of fortune or does it just feel like 'life'?
February 1st, 2006 at 9:51 am
congratulations!
February 1st, 2006 at 9:59 am
Wow!! Congratulations – you'll have lots to write about now! You are so good at keeping secrets! Pictures?!!
February 1st, 2006 at 10:10 am
HOLY MOTHER……!!!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!
February 1st, 2006 at 10:17 am
Congratulations Stephanie & Suitor!
Stephanie, you are truly an inspiration for this reader. I wish you nothing but all the success and happiness that you so rightly deserve.
February 1st, 2006 at 10:18 am
I knew it! I could feel it coming! Well, congratulations! I am happy for you. But you have to PROMISE that you will keep your writing style the same.
I'm so very happy for you and Phil. So very, very happy.
February 1st, 2006 at 10:21 am
Congratulations! What fantastic news for you and your family!
I wish you all the best!
February 1st, 2006 at 10:40 am
Congrats!!!!! I've been reading for a while, keeping comments to myself, but I am elated for the three of you. How wonderful!
February 1st, 2006 at 10:57 am
congrats on your latest chic accessory!
February 1st, 2006 at 11:02 am
Terrific, Stephanie. Much happiness to both of you for years to come.
February 1st, 2006 at 11:05 am
With sooo many troubles in my life is refreshing to taste a bit of someone's happiness. There are going to be a LOT of changes in your life now. As a young mother like you, the advise I can give you is try to be more patient every day because when the blessing of a child come to us is when we start having lot situations when we need to stop thinking about ourselves and more about them and the behalf of the family. Motherhood is not glamorous at all but is the most fulfilling and nurturing experience.
Enjoy it! The best wishes for your family!
February 1st, 2006 at 11:10 am
WOW, I've been reading for awhile but never commented, your a true inspiration & I'm happy for you!!
February 1st, 2006 at 11:19 am
Congratulations. I am so happy for you. I wish you and your family all the best.
February 1st, 2006 at 11:23 am
wow. that one really surprised me. you'll have a pain in the ass just like yourself and it will be great.
my daugther has been very challenging in different ways, and i wouldn't change a thing.
by the way, pregnancy is the absolute perfect time to forgive you body for not being perfect because you have a fabulous little person growing in there.
congrats a thousand times over.
February 1st, 2006 at 11:25 am
Oh my god!!!! Congratulations! I know its weird but I actually got teary eyed. I am so happy for you and Phil and the new little one. Its definitely weird to be this excited for someone you don't know, but I couldn't be more elated. Just keep posting and yes its improper but we do want to know every little detail and maybe some pictures??
Again congrats.
LaToya
February 1st, 2006 at 11:27 am
I actually got goosebumps as I read faster and faster to get to the news…I'm so very, very happy for you all!! Baby days are just too splendid to describe – the memories of those soft, warm, lovely little bundles makes the 3 teens, and all the teen drama I deal with on a daily basis, infinitely more tolerable. Congratulations Stephanie…and thanks for sharing!
February 1st, 2006 at 11:29 am
Wow…congratulations! Pictures and the story PLEASE!!!
February 1st, 2006 at 11:36 am
Congrats to you! Looks like everything is falling into place in your life isn't it? All my wishes for the best….
February 1st, 2006 at 11:43 am
Stephanie and Phil-
Congratulations on the engagement and the pregnancy news! That post was beautifully written and must go down as an all time favorite post.
Looking foward to hearing all about this exciting journey.
February 1st, 2006 at 11:57 am
S, You are solely responsible for getting me into this blogworld. Thanks for that. I now check in with yours most every day. Congratulations on all of your good news, very happy for you.
S.
February 1st, 2006 at 12:12 pm
Wow — amazing. Congratulations to both of you, and the rest of your families. You created some great luck for yourself, which is fantastic.
February 1st, 2006 at 12:15 pm
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 1st, 2006 at 12:18 pm
Doesn't the fact that you shared the bad times make the good times that much sweeter? Good work.
February 1st, 2006 at 12:21 pm
what a lucky baby- it's got so much loving coming to it… congratulations to all of you!