Last night, I went through a guided visualization exercise. I had to picture in my mind a safe place. I imagined the family room den from the house in which I was raised. I was relaxing on the green sofa, looking out the sunny windows at a small tree I used to like to watch in the wind. Okay, now you should see a figure. Invite that figure in. Focus on the figure. Mine was a tanned bald man who might have also had long hair. Very business in the front, party in the back. How can my guide have a mullet?! No! This is all wrong. Wait, now I see it, he’s bald. It’s been decided. He wore a brown leather belt saying, "Jesus Loves You." He was very tall with wise warm eyes and a soothing voice. He reminded me of my eighth grade global studies teacher, Mr. Bob Brandt. I asked him to sit with me on the sofa. "Please tell me what you’ve come here to say," I asked him. Then I listened. He looked me in the eye, taking both my hands. His were warm, brown, and square, covering mine. "Be patient," he said after some thought. "Love yourself. Be kind to yourself, and just be patient. You have everything you want. Stop being so hard. Just be patient and forgiving of yourself." I opened my eyes and said it aloud, "Be patient." I have to let go and trust everything will be okay. I’m so in love and so lucky to have someone on my side, even when it seems we’re looking at it from different angles.
I closed my eyes again and asked my bald guru, "Well what should I do?"
He closed his eyes for a while, then opened them with a response. "You should start drawing again. And take yourself on more of your artists dates, the ones where you went somewhere new by yourself, with your notebook, exploring." My God, he was right. I’ve stopped doing that, stopped going out on my own, without my friends. I need more of that in my life. I’m signing up for a drawing class at the 92nd Street Y while I’m at it. Tonight, I’m heading out alone, too. Then I’ll meet my friends for drinks afterward.
I love this idea, that I can seek advice from myself through visualization. Not so crazy about his fashion sense, but what the hell? God bless us everyone, even those who dream about men with "Jesus Loves You" belts.