sunday blues

In ALL, NEW YORK by Stephanie Klein24 Comments

“You know who I think is a slut?”
“Who?”  My cab driver, I am certain, is Martin Landau’s beatnik twin.
“Paris Hilton.”
“Yeah, that’s news.  Can you turn on 1010 Wins?”
“I just had two ladies in my cab who told me she wears blue contact lenses.  She has brown eyes, but she wears those contact lenses because she’s jealous of her sister who has naturally blue eyes.”  I own blue contact lenses.  Actually, mine are turquoise.  I should wear mine today.
“And you believe that?”
“Yes, those women were southern," he says as if "southern" means "scholar."  "They told me they have Poland Spring water in Georgia.  You’re drinking city water with 80% profit.  That water comes from Maine.  How can they have it in Georgia?  What they want is the little guy.  Always after the little guy.  And in the subway, you can eat there, but now you get a $50 dollar fine if you drink and eat.  Bringing more men, servicemen underground.  They fined you this way, and that way.  So I work on Sunday because there’s no limousine commission working on Sunday, and I don’t want to get fined.  My brother told me to get a haircut.  But I won’t do it.  This is me.”
“I hear ya!”  I’m a big believer in, "this is who I am.  Deal."  Even if he does have facial hair that resembles something you can purchase from your butcher.
“Yeah?”
“You gotta be you.” 
“Paris Hilton has to be a slut then.”
“All righty then.”
“Football and hockey are too violent for me.  I’m glad the Astros won.  They’re in it now, you know.”  I didn’t know.  “Now they have a chance at the series."  Clearly, now they’re in it, but taxi day is past tense.  "Golf," he continued,  "you put a little ball and you chase it.  What a silly game.”
“What about boxing?”
“Oh, that’s fixed.  Totally arranged.  I don’t bother.”
“Nascar?”
“Dangerous sport.  Dangerous sport.  It’s all who’s going to put up the money for a $50k car.  It’s all games.  Baseball must be alright, bet wise, because they eliminated Pete Rose.  He was almost as slutty as that Paris Hilton broad."

Comments

  1. For the record (and because I may be the only New Yorker who actually knows this) it's NASCAR, not Nascar. It's an acronym for "National Association of Sports Car Automobile Racing."

  2. I've been reading this blog since I read about it in the New York Times a couple of months ago, with mixed feelings. Sometimes I love Stephanie's entries and sometimes they leave me unimpressed. What ALWAYS impresses me is that she is turning the stuff out- she is writing and putting herself out there in the process. Brava to that, I say!

    I felt compelled to comment because that quote from the cabbie on Pete Rose "He was almost as slutty as that Paris Hilton broad." has made my day…possibly even my year (or at least my post season). As a life long baseball fan, Rose is my truest, most despised villian and I've never found a way to articulate my feelings for him. This was priceless! Thanks!

  3. I don't want to seem negative, but I'm not sure that there is a crying need for a review of a passing, almost nonsensical conversation with a cabbie. Although perhaps the fact that this is what makes it into your blog is an indication that everything else is going well in your life, there, nothing else to write about.

    But to be honest, this is hardly blog-worthy. But your previous one about your father was quite interesting.

  4. I once had a cab driver pull to the side of the road because, "I have this crazy urge to read your palm". Which wasn't nearly as weird as the day that another one turned around and said, "I've been smoking a lot of crack today."

    Never boring.

  5. only two things to say…anyone who considers golf "a silly game" has either never really played it, or has, and was awful (as are many of us who continue trying anyhow). to dismiss it as "silly" is kinda "silly", no? and as far as NASCAR, i can't hardly think of a greater waste of fuel resources. now, if NASCAR took some of their loot and helped explore other fuel options (which i'm sure to now hear that indeed they do), i'd be all for it for those who like that whole "speed" thing (which i kinda do). nothing against it, just seems like alotta gas goin' down the tubes. anyhow, that's my 2 cents. thanks, and continued success.

  6. Ain't people great? I love that kind of conversation, with odd twists and turns that ALMOST make sense.

  7. Put one of your good photos up, this one isn't you either. You look stuck-up, which you're so not.

  8. This person made a comment yet provided a fake email address. Please repost with a valid email address.

  9. i love random cab conversations.

    i've noticed this before but never mentioned it, i figure it is always nice to read a compliment…that being said, you have a gift for writing dialogue.

  10. Oh that's rich. Those wacky cabbies. What WILL they say next?

    HIlarious….ehm……

  11. Bernie-The amount of gas used in NASCAR by 50 drivers is probably a fraction of the gas used by 80,000 spectators attending a football game. What's next? We're using too much wood in our baseball bats?

  12. Joey B.. and how many spectators go to a NASCAR race? And from how far do they travel? And what kind of camper/Jacked up pickup truck do they drive to them?

    Good argument though.

    I love cabbie conversations.

  13. Okay, I usually never insult people. Here it goes….

    Fielding Melish had pointed out your error in "NASCAR"…

    Steph–I'm so proud of you that this was an error—which means to me……………………., you are NOT white trash!

    *Applauding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

    I think that cab drivers are extremely bored, and lonely sometimes, which makes them ramble on to no end. They need a blog…

    Great post. :)

  14. Since I seem to be the resident NASCAR expert: (1) NASCAR races have 43 (not 50) drivers; and (2) some tracks accomodate well over 100,000 spectators (Indianapolis can accomodate close to 400,000); and (3) some fans have some outrageously large RVs.

    But, in the interest of fairness, the gas used by fans in driving to NASCAR races is easily made up with the gas not used by fans in driving to dentists.

  15. The slimy gel you're looking for is called "WET Form Fitting Gel" by Sebastian; it's especially good for wavy/curly hair right out of the shower. You can save time from the spray booth nonsense by trying Jergen's natural glow moisturizer. You'll probably find both at drugstore.com.

  16. Someone notes that this entry may not be "blog-worthy." I disagree. Steph, while I realize that many read to learn the dark secrets of YOUR life, I also relish the color you find in the life around you. So many step over flowers…or weeds…and never even see the difference. You make a point to take notice. I like that.

  17. I agree with McMahon. Totally blogworthy and entertaining. Why do people feel it is your duty to write what they want to read and not what you want to write?

  18. I love how this world is full of fascinatingly imbalanced folks like this particular taxi driver. Even better, you capture their essence and write about it here. Good on ya!

    I WOULD like to know where he comes up with the $50K figure for a NASCAR car. Um, maybe in the dinky racing league. Or maybe for the little net that covers the driver's side window (doesn't that compromise the aerodynamics, though?)

    I'd better stop writing: I'm starting to sound like a hack. L8r…

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