busting a pit

September 7, 2005

daily

I actually showered today, which was a plus, but I forget the anti-perspirant, a minor setback. While at Borders, writing, I realized among all the unemployed, that I’d busted a pit.  I smelled like a ripe roasting pan in a non-thanksgiving way.  I had my stink on, and I wondered if I was suddenly more desirable.  There’s something alarming about European women with leg and armpit hair, something rustic and unfeminine, animalistic and base.  I already had the unsightly backpack working in my favor; perhaps my natural odor was releasing other sexual undertones on the level of pheromones.  I’ll say it now, I’ve never ever been attracted, on any level, to a man with wretched keytone breath or ripe pits, but there is a musk that sometimes mixes with the scent of saliva, an overworked hunter smell, that makes me feel alive and in the moment.  It’s something you feel someone should apologize for, but nothing is said aloud.  Everything else is said in that. 

I knew I’d be coming home alone, so I stopped at a pharmacy, purchased some Dove Solid Stick, and went to town, right there.  “Look, I can’t stand to be near myself, so I’m doing this right here and now.”  I then whipped the deodorant from it’s brown bag and wiped it across my pits several times in front of the store clerk.  “My God, you have no idea!”  I said with a sigh of relief, then smiled.  “Have a good night.”  I now smell like an air freshener.  Spring Breeze.  I’m not quite sure what’s worse.

44 Responses to “busting a pit”

  1. RazDreams Says:

    again, you're enchanting. love the depth and breadth of your writing, even about pits. p.s. i forgot my deodorant on sunday. yuck.

    Reply

  2. The Suitor Says:

    I had a teacher in 4th grade named named Mrs. lehrman who used to put on deoderant infront of the class. It still gives me night shivers…ugh. Thanks for reminding me of my youth.

    Reply

  3. The OTHER Chris M Says:

    I didn't smell a thing.

    Reply

  4. lefty_grrrl Says:

    How does one forget to put on deodorant? I've heard many speak of this problem. I must have some sort of consecutive-days-deodorized streak going.

    Reply

  5. Deb Says:

    Oh my sweet Lord girlie girl! Do you know that in primitive times, the men and women went by 'pheremones'—the scent of their sexuality. Your scent of your 'pits' could have attracted "Mr. Right" REGARDLESS if you think you found him or not.

    Sad thing is, you can even purchase pheremone oils online through this company (I don't think I'm allowed to plug) however, I bought it. I bought one to attract women (because I'm a lesbian) and WOW it works.

    I bought one to lure in men…..Oh my, —–it worked.

    It's made out of pheremone oils, from humans. Real human oils. I know, it sounds like it is disgusting, but people, believe me, this smells like beautiful oils–a little musky, but it's very pleasant to the nose. It does not smell like body oder or anything, it's perfume with pheremones.

    Go into your search engines and put these key words in:

    "Pheremones attact men or women"

    Buy this stuff, it not only smells great, it makes you a bit randy! ha! Seriously!

    Ciao- thanks for the great post Steph!

    Reply

  6. hedgie Says:

    right at the check out counter ! thats classic ! haha !

    Reply

  7. Frances Says:

    you could always have the surgery which would eliminate this problem altogether. It's a simple and safe process, and I think you should consider it if you smell awful when you forget deodorant.

    Incidentally, most Asians don't have this problem, so I guess I've lucked out.

    Reply

  8. Jesse Says:

    Steph, you've got to be careful with that. NOTHING is worse than the half-deoderant, half-BO funk. Also, Deb, do you sell pheremone oil, or what?

    Reply

  9. Audrey Says:

    I´m European, but I definitely have my legs and armpits shaved. And all of my friends are as well.

    Reply

  10. Sandra Says:

    Just wait until you get to be older and your deo that you put on that am doesn't work any longer. Yep I'm at the ripe ole age of 34 and my deo sometimes doesn't last all day, which is why I keep some in the bathroom cabinet at work. No one else can smell me (at least no one has said so otherwise) but I still smell me. Ugg!

    Reply

  11. QT Says:

    A big hug from a shaved European who even uses her anti-perspirant! :) Just kidding, I didn't get offended because of your hint at this part of the globe… I love your blog and I'll keep reading it! Bye

    Reply

  12. Jeff Funk Says:

    I've done that before–the forgetting the deodorant thing. It was a day I KNEW I'd need it, too. So I ducked into a pharmacy and bought a little sample stick. I waited till I got into my car before I put it on. That's hilarious that you put it on right there. I'll bet pharmacy workers have interesting things to blog about, don't you think?

    Reply

  13. Cristina Says:

    Hey wait! I can assure you that european women shave legs and armpits, at least in western Europe and with no doubt if less than 50 years old. Maybe 50 years ago they didn't, I don't know, fortunately I'm not old enough, BUT NOW THEY DO!!!
    Ciao ciao

    Reply

  14. StephanieKlein Says:

    I KNOW MANY MANY EUROPEANS BATHE AND SHAVE… didn't mean to imply otherwise. Also didn't mean to imply "right" or "wrong."

    Reply

  15. Cristina Says:

    Thank you Steph for saying you know europeans bathe and shave… I was a little upset..!!;)
    That was sweet of you

    Reply

  16. -jess Says:

    I can't count the number of times I've forgotten my deodorant, but I'm not a heavy sweater so I manage… even though I don't smell, though, I still feel gross if I forget it. Anyways, I've never heard the expression "busting a pit" before, but I love it.

    Reply

  17. Joey B. Says:

    I don't think I'd have applied in front of the clerk, but it's a nice feeling to put on deodorant when you need it, even if it is second application.

    Although I don't know why, if women carry bags everywhere, weighing 30-40 pounds, they don't carry one of those 1 ounce sticks. I'm a guy, so I don't, but if I carried a bag everywhere, I certainly would.

    So today's lesson is that all women should carry a one ouncer in their bag, and everyone should have one in their desk.

    Reply

  18. Ari Says:

    Poor Anderson Cooper wore the same shirt five days in a row while reporting from Katrina, and had a big bug bite on his right cheek. I kept wondering if he at least washed the shirt out, and if he had deoderant. I couldn't bear the thought of dear Anderson having B.O.

    Reply

  19. Dru Says:

    I love the smell of my man's underarms. Weird, I know. But I actually prefer to sniff his pits than the cologne he puts on his neck. I don't know – is it love or chemistry?

    Reply

  20. Island Girl Says:

    I forgot my deo today! I NEVER do this. When I got home from a long day of teaching I smelled of eight year old little boys after an afternoon of playing outside. It was horrible. I could not hop in the tub fast enough!

    Reply

  21. Jeremy Says:

    I forgot my towel the other day and had to take a whore bath after my lunchtime soccer match… I almost left early that day because I couldn't stand myself. I kept avoiding people the rest of the day and then made up an appointment so I could take off early.

    But hey… you are a writer – an artist… aren't you suppossed to smell and be somewhat of an outcast?

    Reply

  22. Deb Says:

    Ha, no Jesse, I don't sell pheremones oils, but let me tell you- it has an animalistic affect on people, depending on which preference of sexual gender oil you are putting on … Try it out- just for an experiment. It's pretty funny. People start coming up to you saying, "MMMMMM You smell SOOOOO good." And they say it with this weird almost, "ATTACK-MODE" look on them. Maybe it can get scary, but it's funny!

    Reply

  23. JoeA Says:

    Now, if they only can make a quick cure for swampass, I'd enjoy summer in the City a little more.

    Reply

  24. monica Says:

    Stephanie,
    What do you mean by "I acually showered today"?

    Reply

  25. industrywhore Says:

    you should shower more. it will make you sleek and aerodynamic.

    Reply

  26. Elizabeth Says:

    You are too funny. We come from entirely different places, but you're exactly like me. I actually laugh out loud reading your blog. I wish there were more women like us in the west coast.

    Reply

  27. Lee Says:

    I'm so outraged at one generalisation that I'm off to trim some bush.

    PS. I thought Julia Roberts was American. ;-)

    Reply

  28. cristina #2 Says:

    i never put on deodorant, but as far as i know. i dont stink. does it really help that much?

    Reply

  29. Amanda Says:

    My fifteen year old sister uses and carries Old Spice in her purse. She loves the smell! I hate to say it, but when I'm in a bind I've been known to slide on a few coats of it.

    P.S. How do I get my name under the post to highlight in blue? Forgive me, I know I was meant to be born a blonde. I'll try checking "Remember my info?". Maybe that will work.

    Reply

  30. Kris (from Greece) Says:

    Hey! I wear men's deoderant because it lasts all day – because men probably sweat more, being men… and then I don't have to worry about my pits at all for that day

    Reply

  31. none Says:

    The google add above the post to sugically "cure armpit sweating" made the whole thing much funnier.

    Reply

  32. qky Says:

    I rarely use those stuff, since I don't smell, even after heavy sweating. I'm surprised that so many people out there could smell that bad without them! :-)

    Reply

  33. Lapogianni Says:

    Sorry honey, but european women DO wax and shave. I would go so far by adding that in general we are also better shaped and more naturally elegant than the common american woman.

    Reply

  34. mnm Says:

    Whew! You must have found you some man if he doesn't mind your funky pits, nor does he mind that his girlfriend tells the world that she rarely showers, gets quite funky and puts on deodorant in the store. FYI, I've never seen a PAPER BAG at Duane Reade.

    Reply

  35. musicandorchids Says:

    all the commenters that say they don't put on deodorant but somehow magically don't smell: you are lying to yourselves. you are the reason that the subway smells bad.

    as for european women being better shaped and more naturally elegant than american women, that may be so but at least we don't smell bad.

    Reply

  36. Claudia Says:

    Armpit smell is genetic: the strength of it, the quality of it, the balance of oil/water in the sweat, etc. Some people are born smellier sweaters. Me and my dad (both redheads, by the way) are like that. We sweat more and we smell more. My mom, and my brother, are much less plagued by smelly sweat. My mom doesn't even need antiperspirant — unfathomable for me.

    Reply

  37. networkchic Says:

    Some men like that raw sort of smell, but I think those are the types that also think it's ok to fart in front of a woman.

    Reply

  38. Shady Says:

    Thank you for noting that European women do shave and don't stink. I hate that stereotype. Not only do European women shave and/or wax, but they take much better care of themselves than American women do. In the US a SPA is a luxury while in Europe it is a normal monthly grooming exercise to see an esthetician. Please! And the same goes for European men who are less afraid than the common American male of losing his so called masculinity. Where is it written that dirty and rugged is manly? Men who trim are in touch with their sexuality. I don't know any woman who wants to be flossing while "going south". So all you stinky people…live and learn. Deo is just a masking.

    Reply

  39. A little irritated Says:

    So now we're bashing American women? I guess that's more acceptable than saying something about a European woman? Not one person has objected to the comment that European women are "better shaped and more naturally elegant than the common american woman." What a bunch of generalized bullshiite.

    Reply

  40. paola Says:

    maybe american women don't need to wax and shave because most of them are overweight and the cellulitis in their legs and armpits does not leave any space for hair to grow..hey..but have you ever seen an american on holiday in europe? oversized shorts, oversized flowered shirts and pink pale tan. that elegance makes you so special! you americans must be joking!

    Reply

  41. Alan B. Says:

    I admit it: I love the natural scent and furry pits. Loved reading this story.

    Reply

  42. Rob Says:

    "I would go so far by adding that in general we are also better shaped and more naturally elegant than the common american woman."

    I think you'll find that is simply a product of eating sensibly :)

    And yes, the "European women don't shave/use deoderant/bathe" is a silly stereotype of unclear origin.

    Reply

  43. Claudia Says:

    "And yes, the "European women don't shave/use deoderant/bathe" is a silly stereotype of unclear origin."

    When I was growing up in Norway in the seventies, not shaving your legs or armpits was the norm for women. As was washing your hair every other day or twice a week. Even as late as 1982-1984, my teenage friends (and me) took baths rather irregularly, compared to Americans. We wore clothes many more times between washings than American teenagers did. Again, this was the norm. After moving to the US I would visit Norway with new, "cleaner" American habits, and everyone made fun of me for being such a priss, needing so many clothes, doing so much laundry. My Norwegian friends visiting me in the US, on the other hand, were thought weird because they wore the same clothes three days in a row, and because they didn't shave their legs.

    All this changed somewhere in the late eighties. Now Norwegians have about the same grooming habits as us.

    Reply

  44. Francesca Says:

    We, European women, teach you how to look like a woman in fashion, in shoes, in wax, in make up so please what are you talking about?????????
    Are you mad??????
    Have you seen the American girls and women going around in Rome???? Simply irresistible!!! very funny they are so out of fashion and style!
    ciao

    Reply

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