chew the fat

In ALL, BOOK PUBLISHING by Stephanie Klein50 Comments

I feel like I shouldn’t be writing about this because it means I’m admitting something.  No one wants to read about how it feels do they?  I mean, people like reading what they can relate to, so my writing about being recognized, loved more, plagued with more anonymous inconsideration… well, frankly, who cares?  But then, this isn’t about you, so fcuk it.

When people ask me how my life has changed, I just shrug.  It hasn’t really.  I mean, I’m still coming home to Linus every night.  Yes, sometimes I get the "Are you Stephanie Klein?" thing.  But overall, it’s still me in here, ya know.  Yeah, these events, articles, deals, whatever, they’re all happening around me, but really I feel like an observer to it all, as well.

Great example: right now.  It’s 6:49am on Saturday.  I still haven’t slept, reading emails, catching up on my blog reading, and boom.  I hit a blog entry on my friend Derek’s site about me.  I hit this place where I’m "Stephanie Klein" this object that stands for something, being written about in windows.  That is how my life has changed.

When I lost a lot of weight, it took a long time for my brain to catch up to my body.  My shape fit into smaller sizes.  My head was still a fatty, and to this day, if I overhear someone make a fat remark on the street, I assume it’s directed toward me.  Thin didn’t really cozy up to me.  "Oh, my God, I can’t believe you were ever fat.  You look like you’ve been thin your whole life."  I hear the words come out of his mouth, but inside, I’m thinking, "Yeah, right.  Okay.  Whatever."  Because it’s still ME in here, looking out.  It’s me in here, the girl who hates to shower because it means having to dry all this hair, the girl who looked out of her bedroom window in the middle of the night, looked up, and wished to be “happy, healthy, and thin” at 11:11 since I was eleven.  It’s me in here.  You don’t all of a sudden change just because people begin to notice you. 

Men noticed me when I was thinner.  I felt the difference sometimes, giddy with an offer to dinner with a cute boy, but deep down inside, I was Moose, and that hurt.  Like, fetal position hurt.  It was an ache so deep that it hits me still, even as I write it.  I think it makes me feel more human.

Thin might as well be “celebrity” because it doesn’t change the deep stuff.  Yeah, I’m in The New York Times, but “it” hasn’t hit yet.  And, I hope it never does. I’m just doing my thing, and I’m not afraid of challenges, though I do find the really mean comments hurtful sometimes.    Mostly, I don’t understand where they’re coming from and what the writer’s goal is in conveying his/her nasty remarks.  What, to make me feel like shit?  That makes you feel good?  Please, this isn’t an after school special.  It’s easy to be courageous behind a cloak of anonymity, try doing things you’re proud of, things that take real courage.

You know the first things that go through my head aren’t the excitement I’m feeling.  It’s now having to deal with more assholes.  A friend just called saying, "Just read it.  You must be really happy."  I am.  It has nothing to do with the really nice article Ms. Rosenbloom crafted.  At the end of the day, this isn’t about attention, an abundance or a dearth of it.  It’s about doing what I love.  Being recognized for it feels extraordinary, it does, but really doing it, actually writing, is what really matters to me.  Getting paid to do the thing I love most in life is a dream.  The kind where when you wake up, you try really hard to fall back into just so you can ride it out a little longer.

The excitement comes in waves like pain.  When I first learned The Times wanted to write a piece about me, I was surprisingly calm and matter of fact about it.  What it would mean for me hadn’t settled in yet.  It’s a story; it won’t change my life.   Whatever.  I’d hang out with a reporter and my friends.  I wouldn’t have to worry about what I wore or how my hair looked.  Then she told me there would be a photographer.  "Unobtrusive," she promised.  How exactly do you go to a bar with a bigass camera and remain unobtrusive?  Exactly.  I’m obtrusive all the time.  Payback.

Then my friends began with, "well you don’t know what she’s writing.  I mean, what if it’s all bad?"  Believe me, on some level, that’s a fear too. But it was not substantial.  I put it out there because this is just who I am.  If you want to hate me and spend your time complaining that all I ever write about is a whine laced with sobs about not having a guy, then you’re not reading my writing, not all of it.  And that’s just the thing.  Just because you read something I whipped out in a matter of minutes doesn’t mean you know a thing about who I am.  You won’t know me unless you KNOW ME.  That’s just the way it is.  But, it’s nice to know you’re trying, even if it is to only be infatuhated with me.  I can live with that.

Comments

  1. has anyone ever called you Pippi Longstocking?
    (even though you dress waaay better)

  2. Oh WOW ! A *big* article in the Times!

    Well done!

    Congratulations! What a great account of 'you'!

    You should be *very* proud!

    Now I have to get back to my Macaroni and Cheese – that great story interrupted my Saturday night in PJ's! :)

  3. congrats from berlin, germany. a book, a movie and a sitcom whow happy holliday with the millions for the rest of your life…
    ;o) be happy and make it best

  4. Congrats from Australia! You're internationally famous now, people will recognize you even when you travel abroad ;)

  5. congratz from CHina! well that's where i'll be tomorrow.
    TIs 5 am. Can't believe i have been reading and posting on ur blog for past 3 hours. Never understood why people like to chk stranger's blogs. I couldn't even read my friend's blog…May be you are indeed different.

  6. not sure which word i'm looking for here…impressed, humbled, proud, thankful, deserved, finally, yes, true, unbelievable, poised, start, sophisticated, too, meaningful, sharing, substantial…i'll just say "speechless" and leave the words to you.

  7. Just read the article…came across it in my daily NY Times check. Congrats…I can't imagine having strangers talk to me while on dates…or waitresses telling me they love me. Get ready to lose your anonymity, g-friend. Good luck and well done.

  8. Great article. It's nice to see great things happening to good people.
    Congrats and cheers. Champagne for breakfast today…why not?

  9. Well, Steph… I guess you could always move, but I can't think of anywhere people wouldn't know you. I often wonder about celebrity and how you can get away from it all when everyone knows you… Let us know how that goes okay? :)

  10. found your blog from the nytimes article. after skimming the first few entries, they don't strike me as that interesting, but perhaps i haven't read enough?

    take a look at this blog http://bryanboy.typepad.com/

    he's a genius. just my opinion.

  11. Usually the Times has arguably solid opinions about most things… I'm finding myself glazing over your (recent, anyway) blog. When do you write something interesting? Your writing is somewhat annoying when you write to "your audience."

    The Times also has a habit of writing to make things look better than they actually are. I guess that's what writing is.

    Regardless, I hope you find what you're looking for. Since someone threw a book publishing deal your way, you can't be doing too badly.

  12. Congratulations Stephanie. I've quitely read your blog for quite some time. Bask in the glory and ignore the nay-sayers like Ross, remembering that not all celebraty is a positive experience. Keep doing what you do and we men will keep wishing (um, sometimes anyway) to end up an entry in your weblog some day. ;)
    Just remember when all of the royalties start REALLY rolling in that I am your biggest fan in need of a sugar momma.

  13. Saw this on NYTimes.com today (Saturday). Interesting! – and I've learned a few pointers, like that some chicks don't like museum dates (filed away that one).

  14. Congratulations!

    So, now the big question: Who will play you in the TV show?

    If they try to give you Jennifer Love Hewitt with some bad red dye-job, please promise me you'll tell them to "fcuk" off and storm out of the meeting.

  15. i guess i am not sure if your point is that you were crying out of happiness or sadness. I would imagine it would have to be happiness, for the publicity, as i cant believe that someone who publishes the most intimate details of their life would possibly be shocked (in a sad way) when the information was published in a newspaper. So, if its crying out of happiness, then i am happy for you, as you seem to have gained more acclaim. If you are crying out of sadness, shock, and awe, then i guess i just dont understand.

    "Mom, I just can't believe this is my life." Then I lost it and became tragically girl in the best possible way. I began to cry.

  16. Having read the article in the Times, I checked out your blog and read on until I found something interesting. I didn't, really. You are so very normal that you are boring. It's not a bad thing, really. But I wonder, why we are all so interested in the normal, in the mundane, in the longing for a cheeseburger at night? To spend this much time writing about yourself may seem self-absorbed, but I think reading it shows we are all self-absorbed. Everyone is looking for confirmation that being mind-numbingly boring is ok.

  17. Gambatte from Olympia, Washington. My friends are used to saying, "so I was reading Greek Tragedy, and…" now, knowing it's not an Oedipus reference. In the eworld, you're my cool cousin in NY making it in the big time.. and my squeal for joy was audible for all this morning when YOU were the top story in the Fashion & Style section.

  18. Congratulations Stephanie!

    I've been reading you for awhile now and absolutely love your stories and your writing.

    I too want to know who will play you in the sitcom. Who do you want to do it? :)

  19. I have the perfect girl for the role of Stephanie Klein in the series. She'll be the Sarah Jessica Parker to Stephanie's Candice Bushnell.

  20. Hey there Stephanie. I actually discovered your blog here via the article on The New York Times' website!

    It's actually kind of an inspiration to see that someone can score a major publishing deal and all that awesome stuff with a blog, something that a lot of people look down on or find useless. In fact, just last week a writer friend of mine received an e-mail from someone who had put down the entire idea of a blog because she wasn't interested in "writing without pay." You have definitely become proof positive that it can, in fact, pay off.

    Congratulations on everything. :)

  21. Like a fine wine, you are getting better as you age (and better looking too….wow!). Mazel Tov on your newest found fame.

  22. long time reader, first time poster, friend of MC. gee, that sounds sleazy… oh well, Congratulations!!

  23. "Mostly, I don't understand where they're coming from and what the writer's goal is in conveying his/her nasty remarks. What, to make me feel like shit? That makes you feel good?"

    – how is it different then when you write shitty/mean entries on the people in your life? its still communicating, its still expressing your feelings. Ever consider that people's comments arent solely to make you feel like shit, but actual expressions and emotions to things they find offensive or stupid? Its just like when you go on a date and come back and write something rude, something they will probably see eventually (whats the point, to make them feel like crap?). And its probably just as hurtful to the opposing party. When you shit on a movie/book on your blog (which you have, like Tony Danzas show) was it solely to hurt the author/host? No, you were simply expressing how you feel. Maybe consider that when a person comments your blog is "boring" or "self-absorbed," they actually mean it (opinions)! Just as people who comment that its "inspiring" mean it. Why differentiate?

  24. I enjoy your blog, however, your insistence on misspelling the word "fuck" is incomprehensible. What is wrong with writing "fuck" if that is, in fact, what you mean to write. Typo's are forgivable, but the intentional misspelling, in a veil attempt to demur the word, is absurd. Your open to publicly disclosing your sexual enjoyment of Pam, but when it comes to the word fuck, you're shy?

  25. I heard about you and your blog through the times today… and find the whole thing very interesting. I am amazed by others and their rudeness with jealously over your good fortune. As far as the misspelling of words; that is a part of your style and Chris can go fuck himself as far as I'm concerned! Way to go young lady!

  26. Because she wants to. Get over it, you jrek off.

    By the way Pippi, I love when you say holy motherfcuker. It is fcuking hilarious!
    It makes me smile, and for that, I thank you.

    I do not pretend to know that she prefers to write it that way. I just think that she does it that way because she does. Overanalyzing everything in life takes the L of it. Overanalyze life, and you just get if.

    (technically ife, if you overanylize this)

    By the "if" I mean: "what if this", "what if that". Who cares? I mean, to a certain extent, yeah I can see that. A person can not help but ask "why do you", or "why don't you". But analyzing why she does or doesn't spell the word fcuk correctly. As John Stossel says on 20/20……….

    Give me a Break!

    Take her posts for what they are.

    A melting hot, slightly blackened, buttered, velveeta cheese sammich.

    YUMMY!

    http://abcnews.go.com/2020/ABCNEWSSpecial/

  27. Stephanie, I tell everyone about your site. I'm sure you make several bloggers jealous. Oops, I mean envious.

  28. Found your blog from the Times article and I enjoyed reading it so far. I find myself thinking that I wish I had more friends like you – you seem like such fun!
    Your spirit clearly shows in your writing. I can't wait to read more.

    Oh and you are completely correct – you do have fabulous hair.

  29. Chris Barnes or Chirs Barens – if you bothered to even read the blog properly and the orignal post that was here, it is because things called filters block sites with certain words spelt that way. The only absurb thing is that you care so much about something so minor.

    Comments from people like Anne are so refreshing to read rather than the usual wah wah moan moan about this blog – if all these people think they can do better or are more superior, then I suggest they go write their own blog so they can share how great they are with everyone. Pfft. Stephanie can write what she wants – it is her blog. Not yours. Not mine. Not Googles. Hers. It is like telling someone what to write in their diary. And if people do find it boring, morose or self-indulgent then I don't get why they bother to post and waste such precious time on someone they feel that way about.

    Stephanie, post all your want – post pages of pics of yourself and your wonderful friends, post pages of ramblings of what you ate for breakfast and who you saw on the subway. Write about your mum and dad, fat camp and mean people – this is your site and your life. Live it and write it your way.

    I don't 'know' you and never will but I am one of many that enjoy Greek Tragedy and for that I will always return.

  30. Hey Stephanie,

    I am new to this blog, but like it already-a new addiction, along with all of the political blogs I read. Having been in the "fat kid" going to smaller kid shoes, it really is going from one head to another, isn't it?

    Here's a few words of wisdom from a few of my fav songwriters-"It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got"-Sheryl Crow

    und

    "She's gonna dream of the world she wants to live in, She's gonna dream out loud"-Bono

    Good luck-and if you ever want to relax and hear a little bit of a good singer/songwriter(acoustic), feel free to drop a scroll from the heavens of fame.

  31. *humph* all these strangers… I feel weird commenting… I can't imagine that this doesn't change your posting habits in some way. I post in a way that is acceptable to my audience, but you post for around 10,000 people… How can you not edit for content? Oh yeah, I forgot, you're Steph, you got this down pat…

  32. Nothing has changed here. It's still mainly like a million other blogs. I guess because the girl is cute, or cute enough. Good for her, I guess.

  33. Strangers always love us for what we've accomplished, ignoring the fact that, by definition, that very accomplishment no longer touches us
    -Ned Rorem, letter to Glenway Wescott (August 31, 1967)

    As they say in all Bohemian tragedies …. comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred ;-)

  34. You have gorgeous hair. I don't know how you can complain about how long it takes to dry! Most women would kill for thick, beautiful hair.
    Kyla

  35. I gotta say, I wasn't sure about your blog at first–I mean, I was reading it almost every day but I couldn't decide whether the content was sincere and interesting or just satisfying some voyeurism.

    The fact that I'm still here, still reading, and definitely empathize with the ups and downs of Stephanie's fate makes me believe there is something really special going on at greek tragedy. it is the experience of watching a charismatic person in the act of becoming. It is autobiography, but in real time, not in retrospect. Which just makes it that much more, how do you say, *relevant*. I await your book(s).

  36. Oh Stephanie…!

    A write up in the Times style section does not an 'arrival' make. Perhaps when you have released your book(s), spinoff shows, cookbook, bleh bleh bleh and consider them successful then you will have cause to *gush* all over your site. I think perhaps you're getting carried away… but then this is your site and you're self promoting exploits have worked well thus far.

    "Yes, sometimes I get the "Are you Stephanie Klein?" thing. But overall, it's still me in here, ya know." Truly shudder-worthy!

    You're a poor man's Candace Bushnell and that's being charitable.

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