gym crush

In ALL, LIFE OBSERVATIONS by Stephanie Klein19 Comments

The elliptical machine is the least painful pursuit of sweat at the gym; it’s the exercise I can sustain for the longest period of time, so for me, it’s the most efficient cardio I can do.  Sex is pretty much outlawed at the gym I’m afraid.  Though my trainer did, once upon a deck of pounds ago, encourage me sometimes to lay on my stomach and work my back muscles, scissor kicking my way through the air.  She didn’t realize it made me climax each and every time.  Damn good times.

While busy suffering on the elliptical machine, I got to thinking, how many of these single people at the gym are online daters?  Her screen name handle would be HeadOfTheClass because she always needs to be in the front of row of Power Core.  I’m more of a, where’s the corner kinda girl.  The guy who robes himself backwards in the locker room, putting everything, including cufflinks on before underwear is either gay or well endowed.  The people who don’t wipe their sweat off the machines will make you sleep in the wet spot.  Gym cell phone users are never in the now and always believe the really good moments are happening to other people; they might as well be the middle child.  The dude who grunts too loundly while completing his sets will annoy the shite out of you when you’re that close to orgasm by chanting, "that’s right baby.  Come on baby, yeah."  Shut the hell up will you?  This isn’t about you.

Then there’s the gym crush.  You’re suffering, your dashboard draped with a towel so you needn’t stare at how much longer you’ve got to suffer through it.  Instead you stare at hot, across the gym, the one who you can swear keeps looking up at you.  You work harder.  He’s looking.  He finds subtle ways to come closer, nearly touches your machine when he leans over to check the score on one of the television screens in front of you.  Instead of touching you, he returns to complete his next set of reps.  Nothing will come of this, except a better work out and an exercise in fantasy.  Gym crushes are a good time, and come nightfall, at least they provide the makings of a few extra burned calories.  Yum.  My gym bag is so packed and ready.

Comments

  1. Climbing out of a swimming pool with the help of my butterfly-sore arms has had the same (scissor kicking) effect on me. God bless the female body!

  2. The towel over the dashboard…I usually do this so nobody bothers me when the clock goes over 30 minutes during peak hours. I pay my dues…let me finish my run! I habitually do between 35-40 minutes, and you could not believe how often this one yenta approaches me rudely and actually slaps the arm of the treadmill a few times when the clock says 30:10! Can I get a cool down??? I said CAN I GET A COOL DOWN!!!

  3. MATTY RUBES: that yenta should slap YOU down. 30 minutes includes a cool down-besides that extra 5 minutes is not going to prolong your life, or make you more attractive to the honeys. ANd at peak times PEAK TIMES…fuck I swear I'd kick you in the balls at 31 minutes 31 minutes-that outta cool u down!

  4. MATTY RUBES: that yenta should slap YOU down. 30 minutes includes a cool down-besides that extra 5 minutes is not going to prolong your life, or make you more attractive to the honeys. ANd at peak times PEAK TIMES…fuck I swear I'd kick you in the balls at 31 minutes 31 minutes-that outta cool u down!

  5. there is such a thing as the gym face. you almost can't make eye contact, the hair plastered to face sweat phenomenon. i have actually made some great gay male friends at the gym, because i take a lot of dance classes.

  6. Tomasina…sweetheart! There is no need for profanity or testicular contact! As far as my 35 to 40 minutes on the treadmill goes, you can do one of the following about it…

    A) get to the gym earlier (I snooze I lose!)
    B) slap the treadmill arm like a yenta
    C) make out with me
    D) realize that those same 5 precious minutes that won't make me live longer will not make you any later.
    E) make out with me

    cheers,
    matthew

  7. I am unable to find a gym crush. It's disappointing.

    All the gym frequenters where I live are more interested in themselve and their arms than they are with anything else. I just can't find it attractive.

  8. I took my workout outside when a guy I dated for a very short while but turned stalker-ish started going to my gym this spring. could feel him watching me when I worked out. freaky. I'm hoping he's gone by the time the days get shorter again.

  9. Matty damn if you didn't make me laugh, and a part of me DOES want to make out with you- but not before I TEACH YOU THE ETIQUETTE OF GYM EQUIP!!!!
    Stop it, it may make me late, I'm not a damn executive like you are- you FREAK I'm a lowly secretary who has her routine timed down to a science your 35 minutes will make me late, and I may get fired you won't! If you have enough time to do 35 to 40 minutes on the tread chances are you spending to much time in the gym and not enough time lovin the ladies…Cheers, right back at you HONEY! mouuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaa that's me kissing you after I double sign on the eliptical

  10. My gym is the "gay gym" so there is lots of yummy eye candy. Pretty, brown, shiny, muscles.

  11. I can't believe scissor kicks make you come! The Roman Ab machine has made me come for years. I always have to do it at the end of my workout, otherwise I'm useless. Thought I was the only one.

    PS. Ready for Eric Schaeffer's new tv series??

  12. I think it's totally unfair that women get such pleasure from going to the gym when all I can possibly expect to get is the ecstasy of endorphens, eye candy, … and tired.

  13. hrm, I remember doing chin-ups with my legs folded and I get a little shiver in a very nice spot.

    Now you've made me want to go to the gym to try the scissor kick thing and to see how many 'online daters' I can spot.

    I would so be 'the girl that fights others off to bring you home, then makes you go on top coz she's tired' – I am soo lazy when it comes to sex! and the gym for that matter.

  14. You never know… I met my boyfriend at the gym… 2 years later, we're still together! But I do remember when he was my gym crush, I was working out 6 days a week always hoping he would be there.

  15. I can totally relate to the orgasm as a result of exercise. I can actually remember being in gym class in 8th grade even and getting such a "sensational" feeling when holding myself up on the bar. I'm not as weird as a I thought. You are awesome for being so honest. Oh and I have a quite a few gym crushes as well but they seem to mostly be shallow. Oh well. Great to fantasize about as you said.

  16. I can totally relate to the orgasm as a result of exercise. I can actually remember being in gym class in 8th grade even and getting such a "sensational" feeling when holding myself up on the bar. I'm not as weird as a I thought. You are awesome for being so honest. Oh and I have a quite a few gym crushes as well but they seem to mostly be shallow. Oh well. Great to fantasize about as you said.

  17. I can totally relate to the orgasm as a result of exercise. I can actually remember being in gym class in 8th grade even and getting such a "sensational" feeling when holding myself up on the bar. I'm not as weird as a I thought. You are awesome for being so honest. Oh and I have a quite a few gym crushes as well but they seem to mostly be shallow. Oh well. Great to fantasize about as you said.

  18. I can't remember a time when I didn't have a workout crush. My first taught me Judo arms slaps for falling safely that must have saved me hundreds of times. I was 4 and she about 9 and a black belt. A Chinese girl at a fairly rough dojo in Times Square, NYC. So much easier to give that extra effort when there's a cutie near by.

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