Here’s what I don’t like about blogging. I don’t like the people who comment about misspellings or grammar. Save us all. I don’t have an editor or a penmanship brain. Deal. I don’t like that I’ve stopped recounting my days and weekends because I worry I have to “say” something worth something. Something entertaining. I don’t like how people assume who I am, that they know all about me, that “I leave so little to the imagination… what’s left to learn?” I don’t like that people miss the fact that I never write about work or my friendships. No one ever hears about my relationships until they’re well over. Yes, it comes with it, so does my bitching. Deal.
I have mannerisms, cadences, real curves that extend beyond the S in my name. I’m a person, and so many people comment, posting anonymously, thoughts they would never dream of saying in front of another human. It makes me worry about people… how they hide and behave so destructively. Here’s what I really don’t like about blogging… I don’t like what I learn about strangers. I don’t like learning how cruel people can be when trying to caption it as “funny.” It’s actually not funny; it’s cruel. And I can finally post this because lately, no one has actually hurt me. Most of the time, it does hurt. Maybe I’ve just grown so used to negativity, that it no longer stings. That’s what I don’t like about blogging. It’s just another thing you have to develop a callous for. Another wall you have to build after you’ve gone and made yourself vulnerable.
In hebrew school, in 4th grade, I remember when Mrs. Weiner said, “always behave as if God is in the room.” I loved that idea. I loved the idea that someone was watching… a witness to the cruelty. Karma would come to my rescue with a blue cape and red gloves. I loved the idea that God witnessed everything because I was mostly the victim back then. I am not proud of all my behavior in life. I wish in so many ways I could be different, but I’m a good person. I don’t belive I do anything with the intention of hurting anyone, and it’s very hard for me to understand the malicious, mostly jealous, but malicious behavior I’ve seen aimed toward me and other bloggers.
I don’t like that it’s become entertainment. That I have people reading and analyzing, trying to figure me out, or put me down, or tell me how much they love me. This blog wasn’t about you, but now it is. I don’t like the stalkers that come with blogs. Criticism, being called self absorbed… big fcuking deal. Here’s a newsflash… it’s a blog, mine is STORIES ABOUT MY LIFE… it’s all about me… you come here and read it. Yes, it’s self absorbed, but there’s a difference when it’s a blog that allows for comments… it becomes a dialog. I listen. And in the listening, I’ve learned that I’ve made a difference in lives, just by sharing mine. And that’s what I love about blogs. I’m warning you now though… this blog is getting a new category titled “Daily.” So I can still write for me, my moments, so when I look back on this blog, I can recall what or who I did that week without worrying how it’s written. Okay, that was for you. The rest of the dailies are for me and Jon Stewart.