anne of green gables

In ALL, LIFE OBSERVATIONS by Stephanie Klein18 Comments

You know, the crapass song by TLC, Unpretty, about a guy buying you a nose or hair isn’t all that off.  I mean, you can buy a certain amount of stuff from Mac and actually feel better.  Of course I mean Apple Mac, not drag queens in make-up Mac with names like Viva and Glam.  Though I must admit, a good day at their counter is akin to wearing all black and losing a good ten pounds. 

Today I bought another iPod, with 2 years of apple care service… oh, and an iSight camera.  And still, with all this product, I’m not happy.  I’m sick of music.  I’ve OD’d on it, lately.  I have so much music on this computer, 12 Gigs, that I’m sick of it.  You know what happiness is?  It’s Anne of Green Gables, when you’re thin and can order in Deluxe.  It’s onion rings, my dog, and Anne Shirley. 

3dvdcollectlg_1I came home tonight, now actually, at 2:59 am, and I said to Labrinus, "Baby, you’re sick of this music right?  When the hell will ‘they’ wake the f*ck up and put Anne of Green Gables on DVD?"  (Thanks to those who commented and made my lazy ass look for it on Amazon.  God bless DVD packs!) I swear, my life has been quite sad since I’ve given up my VCR to good will.  Actually, they wouldn’t even take it;  "it doesn’t work."  Whatever.  I tell you what… I have a porn collection that’s collecting dust now that there’s no VCR in the hood.  Maybe I’ll ask my neighbor if I can borrow his.  Love thy neighbor and all.  He has a friend, who, tonight, stopped me as I was about to leave, to tell me, "You look too good to go out without an umbrella."  God bless little boys from 1980 who have a thing for older women who want to feel good… especially on rainy days of frizz and with a lack of porn.  I mean, I can’t even work out in this weather.  Truth:  I used to work out on an elliptical machine that I purchased for my apartment.  I watched porn while I worked out.  Here’s the thing… having to pee, wanting to orgasm, is very close to the ecstasy you could (but never do) feel while working out.  It was my motivation.  It’s like climbing the rope in school… unless there’s some release, there’s no point.  That’s just me. Wait, actually, climbing the rope in gym class felt really good.  A friend of mine asked me once if it made me "tingle."  Mouthwash makes me tingle; climbing a rope makes me randy.

Okay, no more drinking for me.  Anne Shirley can’t even come to my rescue… Damn, where is good TV when you need it on DVD?

Comments

  1. Hi Stephanie!

    Been following your blog and am really taken by your writing!

    Re Anne of Green Gables on DVD–they already have it here in the UK (although it's really expensive for some bloody reason). Maybe try Amazon.co.uk?

  2. Err… I meant to add that you need to cut and paste the link above into your browser…

  3. Came across your blog recently and I'm loving it.

    Just needed to post a comment after reading this posting because I'm from Prince Edward Island (the home of Anne of Green Gables). I'm now living in Toronto and this post made me think about home and just made my day.

    I hope you find it on DVD!

  4. Imagine what Marilla would say if she caught Anne drunk on currant wine, watching porn on an eliptical machine.

  5. hahahahahahahhaaaaa! Ari… that made cracks me up. (My mom always compares me to Anne, I'm not sure if that's cause of my drinking or not.) Steph, this post is totally hilarious. You are insane. :)

  6. I saw Megan Fellows on CSI Miami two weeks ago. First time I'd ever watched it, and there is my dear Anne Shirley, looking quite rough (though she'd just narrowly escaped a torturous murder). I elbowed my boyfriend, and said, "Oh my God, do you know who that is??? It's ANNE SHIRLEY!! You know, Anne of Green Gables??" Blank expression from the boyfriend, of course.

    The generation of Gilbert Blythe lovers, like me, salute you! We are kindred spirits.

  7. the best bit of anne of green gables is when she dyes her hair green, don't you think?

  8. I remember Megan Follows from a movie a long long time ago inwhich she played a goalie on a small Canadian town boys ice hockey team. I thought she was cute as hell. She also appeared on ER when Carrie Weaver was first getting accustomed to being lesbian. Useless trivia.

  9. After Def Lepard came out with Hysteria, that was the zeneth for popular music, it's been a free-fall since then.

  10. I can't believe you didn't know it was out on DVD, Steph! When I came back from the US to Germany in 2001 there was a shiny package of the Anne trilogy on VHS waiting for me. I have my Anne moments at least twice a year. right now I'm in more of a Winona phase…I was watching Reality Bites last night and I will continue with Lucas tonight. BTW: I found THE Songs for my summer: Dakota by Stereophonics & Somewhere else by Razorlight. Check them out! Greetings from the northern shore of Germany, Jules

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