mint chip

In ALL, DATING & MATING by Stephanie Klein36 Comments

You said you had another call.  “I’ll call you right back.  I have to take this.”  I knew it was work.  “Fifteen minutes” you said, but by then, my make up was off, my sweats were on, and I was under the covers waiting, phone in hand.  I q-tipped the receiver.  Before long, you phoned.  Linus was barking.  “Hold on,” I instructed, “someone is at the door.”  Someone was you, on your phone with a smile and ice cream, knowing the whole time you’d be here.  There never was work, only your desire to be with me.  I knew I loved you then because I never had to ask.  You just knew. 

In high school, after some melodramatic, Fine! fight that ended in the slam of a receiver, I sat in my dark bedroom, lit dimly by the orange street lamps, and imagined each car I heard approaching would steady and roll into my parent’s pebble driveway.  He never came, but I’d always hoped it was him.  I hated awaking to the 7:09 am alarm to actualized disappointment.  A phone call would apologize and mend, but deep down, nothing was going to replace the surprise, the unexpected, he could never give me.  He wasn’t for me because he didn’t know, couldn’t read my crazy mind. 

I haven’t changed all that much since then.  I’m the same girl, listening to the hallways, with hope in the romantic, in the every night, in the us.  It’s the warm milk memories that never make sense that somehow always do.  It’s getting up in the middle of the night and looking, without knowing what you’re looking for. There aren’t any answers, but there are, and your body is looking for them, searching through papers and drawers, between sweaters, looking for some answer, some insight you miss in the normal upright hours between lattes and calendar items.  I want the unexpected, a crazy straw, and cheesecake in the middle of the night off fingers.  Again.  I want middle of the night, never makes sense the next day.  I want linger and nonsense. 


  1. I'm new to the blogging phenomenon, after living a somewhat spartan lifestyle (to follow the greek theme) for the last few years. I'm appalled to admit to the level of fascination they inspire in me. I've been searching and linking from blog to blog for hours everyday for the last two weeks and I can report that- Bloggs are egocentric, self indulgent and extravagant by nature- and so they should be I might add- yours is interesting because it doesn't pretend to be anything other than that and you actualy have something to say that most of us can identify with (if not in circumstance in emotional flavour and expression)- too many blogs are so safe and boring that they read like grocery lists and 1950's non-fiction. Cheers

  2. I used to get calls like that while I was at work. He'd call from home, 350 kilometres away, and ask me how my night was going. And then he'd say "look out the window" and he'd be standing there, big smile and a bunch of flowers. The night manager was right when he predicted I'd marry that guy.

  3. As you already know, we (men) can't read your (women) minds. This really doesn't have to do with reading minds anyway. It has to do with wanting someone who is romantic. Someone that doesn't stop thinking about you, can't wait to see you, and wants to be with you no matter where or when.

    There are plenty of guys out there like this. You will find a guy like this once again.

  4. imagine dating stephanie?? yikes !! what a train wreck. i have a friend who dated her for about a month, so i know.

  5. My boyfriend used to do that all the time before we lived together…we'd get into a fight and he'd just show up after or he would just show up for no reason at all. It definitely makes you feel loved. I don't know why a girl wouldn't like that. Trainwreck? please…

  6. I love reading Stephanie's stories but I think I have to agree with lindsay from Even though I don't think that I have the qualification to say what is critically good writing, grammar and content (I'm no english major), I know that I like to read it and I am kept interested, however, you need to check your ego at the door. I'm sure that the reason that people critisize you so much is mostly because they are jealous but also in part because you seem so sure of yourself (I get 10,000 hits a day or something). Confidence is good but not TOO much. But really, who cares what the people say, I'm sure you don't. Maybe I would be on a cloud right now also if I had a book deal and all these great things coming to me because of all my accomplishments. Congrats! Keep up the good work!

  7. Am I the only one that has any sense? These stories are mind-nummingly boring. She is so high and mighty about herself, it makes me sick. Even though I am in prison, I consider myself a better person than her.

  8. What's strange to me is that guys as a whole always say, "We can't read your minds!" and act righteously indignant about the whole thing, but when you find the right guy…he CAN. And why would you settle for less than that? Can't fault Stephanie for knowing what she wants.

  9. Emily,

    It is not about a guy reading your mind, because we can't. However, a guy who does what you want is someone who is compatible with you. He is similiar in thought and he wants the same things.

    Ideally, everyone wants someone that will put you ahead of them. That is true love.

  10. Emily,

    It is not about a guy reading your mind, because we can't. However, a guy who does what you want is someone who is compatible with you. He is similiar in thought and he wants the same things.

    Ideally, everyone wants someone that will put you ahead of them. That is true love.

  11. "…actualized disappointment."

    That is the perfect statement to describe the coming back to consciousness from a sleep that allows you to briefly forget the pain. Bravo.

    I am that same girl, hating to admit it, hoping that every time the cell rings, a text beeps, or my inbox has new mail, it's him…

  12. Another great post… It reminds me of when I would take off after a fight with my ex, always expecting him to come after me, and he never did.

    And it reminds me of my boyfriend now, who knows what I want and need before I even have to say it.

  13. My pastor asks every person who is about to get married why they want to marry that particular person. Usually he hears, "Because he/she makes me happy!" beep. wrong answer. He's looking for the right answer, which is, "Because I want to make him/her happy." The love is in the giving and the serving, not the getting.

  14. Victimized by the fairy tales one was told when they were a child of the Prince coming to save the woman locked in her tower? Is the woman so helpless that she must wait for the prince so that through him she will have her happiness? Afterall, that is the story played out over and over again. So rare that you have a female hero in any storyline today where she does it without using a man as a crutch. I guess the ice cream is only good when the man brings it – possibly out of guilt for something else he has done.

    You want to *make* someone happy? Make yourself happy because if you are allowing your happiness to be directly related to the happiness of another, I'd say you have got a problem. If you are happy, those that love you will be happy for you. Of course pleasing the one you love plays into that you say, and you would be right, but only to an extent. You can't spend your life trying to please someone else. That's more codependent than healthy.

  15. I don't think any of us really change what we want from love. We may get cynical to a certain degree, but inside all of us is that teenager eager to be loved.

  16. Boy – THAT entry brought me back. I can remember, sitting on my front step having long, meaningful conversations with my little dog, slowing getting drunk on cheap wine, waiting for his car to pull around the corner…..which of course, it never did.

  17. Justin, Your attitude invites solitude. Go for it if that's what makes you happy. Ironically,there's a lot of joy to be found in giving. I'm not talking about giving to a perpetual suck-hole. That's where discernment matters.

  18. Out of curiosity, was the mint chip man your ex-husband? (I guessed that it was because of the "Again" comment)? If so, doesn't that prove the futility of wishing for hollow, empty gestures like showing up on your doorstep with ice cream? Even if not your ex-husband, this is obviously someone you are no longer with, so the "mint chip" event really doesn't prove his compatibility with you, at all. Don't look for ice cream. Look for a much, much deeper connection, even if not as exciting as a midnight visit.

  19. It's not ever going to be "this is it" over ice cream, the restaurant he picks, or if he makes his bed daily. It also won't be "this will never work" because of any of those things. My blaming our incompatibility on something small is just a symptom that something else, something bigger, isn't working. Sometimes it's timing and little to do with the person. Other times, it's intuition, so we point to something tangible, even if it's not what's *really* going on.

  20. M Fox, we may or may not be saying the same thing. It's unclear to me, and given the imprecision with which I am likely to post a comment on any given blog, it very well may be that I inadequately expressed what I was stating or misunderstood. I agree that there can be great joy found in giving, This is something I tried to state in my initial comment.

    "If you are happy, those that love you will be happy for you. Of course pleasing the one you love plays into that you say, and you would be right, but only to an extent." That second sentence is to imply, pleasing the one you love can bring bountiful happiness. But as you say, this also must be tempered.

    Sorry if I was unclear. Sorry for taking up space with another post, Stephanie. I'm going to refrain from posting going forward. Too time consuming and causes too much confusion. Enjoy. Best of luck.


  21. Stephanie –

    This was beautiful and struck a chord.

    It never fails to amaze me how many people try and preach at you on your own blog. This though, is why we blog. Because we want people to read and comment so we can flip them a cyber-bird and go on with our day.

    Keep it up.


  22. Yes! This is what I have been trying to say. All this time!!! And here you have summed it up in 3 paragraphs. Excellent work.

  23. I can't tell you how many times I peeked out the window, looking for that man to be waiting below with a boom box playing "In Your Eyes."

    And I love those surprises too! One of my most glorious moments in love came with a "sorry I can't make it, I have to work" phone call. He'd told me he'd sent something over to make it up to me. I looked out my door and there were a dozen roses. I thanked him profusely, on the phone, and he asked about the card. I didn't see one, so figured I'd dropped it outside. When I opened the door again and looked down, I saw his feet.

    2 1/2 years and 3 broken hearts later, I can still smile at that.

  24. The whole thing seems like ice cream. Delicious, creamy, great texture, melts on the tongue, you swallow, and the moment passess.

    An ephemeral romantic nite should happen to everyone once in a while.

  25. If UrbanBarbara didn't say ice cream, I would have thought she was talking about giving a bj. Now I never thought I would ever quote Paris Hilton, but because of the imagery UrbanBarbara…"that's hot."

  26. my mint chip is an unexpected happy birthday call from her. that's my doorstep with flowers.

  27. hands down, your photographs are the best reason why digital photography has gone in the wrong direction. now EVERYONE thinks they are a photographer.

    those are the kind of photos my grandmother takes in her garden.

  28. dk, that's your opinion and you're entitled to it. I like Stephanie's photographs. I think she's an amazing photographer who can grab the moment at the right time. Not everyone has that talent.

    I agree with many here in that everyone needs to have a little mint chip at least once in their lives. I used to say that things like that weren't necessary but it's good for the soul. Many of my exes never did it. One did and I will never forget him.

  29. Ya' know, when it's all blogged and done and the comments are sifted through, you are one beautiful person.

    Hugs and hot chocolate for the brave girl.

  30. I have to disagree DK. I happen to love the photos as well. You are obviously a boy.

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