my most obnoxious post

In ALL, BOOK PUBLISHING by Stephanie Klein50 Comments

Blogger and photographer Stephanie Klein’s STRAIGHT UP AND DIRTY: The Life of a Young New York Divorcee, a humorous tell-all tracing the author’s return to single life as a “firm, fashionable, and let’s face it – fetching” twenty-something, plus a memoir based on the author’s childhood experience at Fat Camp, to Judith Regan at Regan Books, in a major pre-emptive deal (including TV/film rights), by Diane Bartoli and Joe Veltre at Artists Literary Group. UK rights are with Patrick Walsh at Conville Walsh. Artists Literary Group will represent foreign rights, on behalf of Regan Books.

It was a Sunday, God’s day of rest.  Clearly, God does not rest on Sundays; she makes phone calls to me.

I didn’t even know my book proposal for Straight Up & Dirty went out on Wednesday.  I was still waiting for confirmation that the cover looked presentable.  Friday morning, my agent asked if I was sitting down.  “An absurd amount of publishing houses want to meet you.  They all loved it.”  She said “loved it” as if I were a molten chocolate dome cake.  Meetings were inked into calendars for the next business day.  Monday, booked.  Tuesday, booked.  House to house like an Avon Lady.  That night, I hit The White Horse Tavern and then Salon.  Hard.  But I didn’t do dirty; I did whiskey… and champagne.. and Florent until 4am?  When did that sneak in?

On a hungover Saturday afternoon conference call, Judith Regan asks me, “So what do you envision for the cover?”

“Please, for the love of God, it cannot be pink.  Pink makes me want to vomit.  And no loopy letters or caricatures of pointy shoes or shopping bags.  Besides, I’m a redhead; pink is so not my color.”  When we hung up, it was decided that we’d still be meeting on Monday afternoon.

Now fast forward to Sunday.  My date and I just walked through the construction site that is now Crapass Central Park Come Orange, thanks to The Gates, to find ourselves on an excruciatingly winding line for the coat check at The Museum of Natural History.  “My God, they’re slow.  I feel like I’m at Duane Reade.”  We survive Slow and Slower, and between telling him “I never do museum dates” and “I hope you know you’re an exception” I feel my phone vibrating.

I’m on a date, so I’m not about to answer it.  It’s probably the girls ready to recount our Saturday evenings.  They’ll understand.  The buzzing doesn’t cease.  “Do you mind if I just see who it is?  I know it’s rude, and I’m really sorry.”  Reader, please take note.  All I did for the rest of our date was apologize.  “It might be my agent.”  I’ll never get used to saying that; I giggle every time.  How affected.  My agent.  It’s so  Entourage.

You hear yourself doing it.  “I’m so sorry.”  And you want to stop hiccupping it, but you can’t.  I do the same thing when I’m sick and someone takes care of me.  “I’m sorry I’m sick.”  How dumb.  It’s not like I want to be sick, but there I am apologizing for being helpless.  So on a date, I’m sans phone for all of 10 minutes, apologizing for being on the phone the whole time.  At least I know he’s a good sport.

He was mid-sentence over our dinner at The Park–we were sitting on the floor by the fireplace eating polenta and lamb—when I pulled the, “I really have to take this.  Hold that thought.”  I genuinely felt sorry.  Thankfully, that was the last incoming phone call.  “I have to call my mom.”

All is fair in love and writing.

Comments

  1. I just found your site a few days ago, and from the back entries I've read, it sounds like you absolutely, completely deserve this. How awesome! Congratulations. I love your site and photography, as well!

  2. WOW ! CONGRATULATIONS !! awesome !! its about time that the rest of the world find out what an awesome writer you are ! i look forward to seeing the book at Barnes and Noble ! enjoy the day !

  3. I've been waiting for this news! Every time I visit your site, I wonder, "When is she going to have a book deal?"

    Congratulations!

  4. Ah bliss! I'll be able to have your sparkling wit on paper in a volume and in my hands in the near future!

    Congratulations to you, and to the rest of the world (now more people can experience your writing)

  5. "Relax." You hate that word. "Timing is everything." I hate those words. I guess my marriage proposal's gonna now look like a devious sugarmomma plot. I'm also thinkin' your VDay gift is most assuredly spoiled by now. My timing sux.

    To the true matter at hand, I've been telling my friends and family since October, when I first 'met' you, that this day would come. I had no doubts, and now it's come true. Hell, you've been dreaming about this since the 4th grade. And now the wait is over. But this is only the beginning. The "someone to share this with" is coming soon, too. How do I know? Let's just call it Strange Magic.

    CONGRATS, GIRL!!! YOU DID IT!!!

  6. And we all knew you when…Keep it real girl, keep it real. But seriously a little bit of grace and blessing was due to you, and I'm happy that you got an ass-load instead. I'll read the shit out of it.

  7. …this does mean you're getting a book published, correct? I is dumb mid-westerner.

  8. Congrats!!! I'm sure the book will be as addictive as the Blog….It's your time to shine!

  9. Congratulations Stephanie!

    Certainly well deserved and well… I cannot wait to read it!

    Make sure you come on a book tour of Australia! :)

    Woohoo!

  10. congrats steph. i have recently discovered your site, and instantly was impressed with the high quality and creativity of your writing. by the tone of all the responses above, it seems that i am not the only one. looking forward to reading the books as i wander the isles of my favorite books stores.

  11. Congrats, Stephanie!!!! All your loyal readeres are going to be so friggen proud of you! I'll be the first one in my town to own it, and make all my friends read it! You totally deserve this……

  12. You are one of my favorite daily reads. I don't comment much anywhere, but had to make an exception to say Congratulations. It is well deserved and I can't wait to buy a copy.

  13. I never knew someone else's triumph could make my shitty day a whole lot better. I don't even know you and I can't help smiling for you. Job well done, Stephanie!!!!

  14. Well done!! I can't wait for the day I see your book in bookstores here in London!!

    Thank you for inspiring…

  15. Congrats congrats congrats! Cheers to you for having the courage and determination to realize your dreams. Not to be cheesy, but you really are an inspiration.

  16. Congrats, congrats, congrats! Can't wait to read it! You deserve all good that comes your way!

  17. Kudos to you — It ain't easy in this town — Gives all us office-types some inspiration that great achievements come to those who work hard, struggle and survive.

  18. Nice work! Agents are just the beginning – next stop, the iron tirangle (accountants, bankers and lawyers). Enjoy! I have a question though – will there be anything in the book not already on the blog? Congratulations.

  19. Bloggy — I cant believe it!!!
    This is so freaking exciting. I am so proud of you but I do have two questions.

    1. Can I play myself in the TV show?
    2. When do you want to set up a meeting for me to be your publicist?

    YO GO GIRL!

  20. I have been reading for a while (thanks to plantation) but haven't ever commented yet. I figure what a better time than now. I will definitely be buying it the day they stock the shelves with it! Congrats! I am so excited for you!

  21. You've had my rapt attention ever since I read your update in our college's alumni bulletin. See, someone did check out your blog. Now, there will need to be a new entry. Congratulations, this is well deserved.

  22. No one could be prouder than me. I always knew you were special from the time in your crib, at 9 months old, when you would stand up and scream, arms outstretched to be picked up, when it was bedtime. You would scream for hours and get soaking wet. Sleep was not on your agenda. You have followed a life long dream to be a writer, and always managed to keep your feet on the ground. This is something you have always wanted to do. I can remember the conversations we would have about life etc. Through the good times and the bad times I would always tell you to write because you loved it like nothing else. You were meant to be a writer. It was carthartic for you as it should be for most people who are willing to go inside of their own mind. I can recall in high school when there would be a homework assignment due in a week. You'd be so motivated you would stay home on a Friday night to get into the task and have it done by Saturday morning. But, most of all the story I remember most was when you were in middle school, and up until then all your teachers would say she could better etc. and then you asked me to "quiz" you for a Social Studies test. I asked you if you read the three chapters and you told me no. Then I said don't waste my time until you read the chapters. I then proceeded to teach you how to study using 3 x 5 index cards to write down the facts, dates, names, places etc. After you did that I quizzed you. You were so proud when you came home with the highest mark in the class. That is when you got hooked on learning. Well, my darling daughter you haven't stopped learning and we never do. Keep up the good work and keep following your dreams. All my love….Daddy

  23. This is all great. Then I had a flash-image in my head of a bloated Ms. Klein, 30 years from now, sitting at a Key West, Florida bar, craming oysters into her mouth and drinking herself to death. Please don't go this successful author route, ala Hemmingway…unless we can meet at the bar and I can buy the drinks ;)

  24. Babe, I'll do the translation into german, ok? ;) Can' wait to become a copy writer anyway! Steph, I am truly happy for you and wish you all the success, money, fulfillment and love you deserve! Best wishes, Jules, "the 'little, sweet' girl from germany who adores "anne of green gables" as much as you do"

  25. hi stephanie,

    congratulations!!!

    i´m julia´s boyfriend, you know the "little, sweet" girl from germany who adores "anne of green gables" as much as you do. ;)

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