about a blog

In ALL, DATING & MATING by Stephanie Klein27 Comments

Tonight you won me with your whistle. It wasn’t a construction worker or schoolboy whistle; it was involuntary and came out with your S’s. Despite quoting Sally and her seashore to prove you could do “s” just as well as the next guy, I like the way you did… as the preppy guy next to me in the collared shirt with the v-neck sweater. You’re adorable; paranoid, but adorable.

You told me “guys night out is bullshite.” That was my “you had me at hello.”  You walked me home and offered me your scarf, and while I might have said, “whatever, it doesn’t matter,” it does. My favorite part of you was when you were sidetracked, and I caught a glimpse of an unrehearsed you, when I caught you blushing. I got to know you in a window, despite script and shoulds and decorum. I like you unrehearsed, whistling, vulnerable. I like you nervous and running away in thoughts and energy. I’m compelled, and awaiting our next meet and greet…

…Then he found my blog, and via Instant Messenger, I got, "I’m a very private person, and well, the things you write about make me uncomfortable."  It was understandable, certainly.  And, I twitched my nose in thought about to settle upon disappointment, but then it hit me. 

"Thank you."
"What?"
"Thank you for showing me you this early on.  I clearly need a guy who can deal, so you’ve saved me a lot of time." 

It’s going to happen, and it’s something I’ve weighed heavily.  I’m a big believer, though, if Mr. Right ever stumbles upon my blog, he’d take it with a wink and a smile.  Then, I’d hand him the book Living with a Writer.  Because that happens from time to time… you know, authors marry and then draw from the frustrations and elations of their lives.  I believe I shoulder a healthy amount of proportion; I know when I’m crossing a line.  And, I never write from revenge.  Okay, almost never.  I’m growing.

Comments

  1. If anything, this blog is one of the more attractive things a woman could do. As if your pictures aren't attractive enough, then you get to read about their inner thoughts. These things come out in writing much better than they come out verbally, at least for most people. What a mistake he made…

  2. Hey, really…look at Nora Ephron and her "Heartburn" novel. Bernstein dealt with it, didn't he?

    She went on to marry Nick Pileggi–he of "Wiseguys" and "Goodfellas" fame.

    I don't know if there's a lesson here; perhaps seek out other writers? They may understand? Who knows.

  3. tiime for me to chime in. you really ought to re-think this blog thing. creative writing is one thing, but sharing with THE WORLD things like taking a dump in front of someone, or the length of your crotch hair, or most recently, the fact tha you don't like men going down on you…its all fine and dandy, but such a turn-off,,really is. the fact you like to publicize this info. is awful.
    imagine a guy introducing you to people, only for them to later read this blog and learn these things about you?? some things are just better left unsaid. being private and sharing life's most intimate things is something you should share with that 'special' someone…not THE WORLD….i repeat..THE WORLD

  4. Well…it IS your blog, and it's your decision to write what you want. I think, though, that you will find a lot of men reacting like the one you've described in this post. And you may write them off as prudes, insecure, or whatever label you may want to slap on them. The thing is, there ARE some classy men out there who really don't want their shit plastered all over the web (I do understand you have quite a following) and who can indeed deal with many if not all issues in life, in general. Just because one doesn't pass the blog test, doesn't mean one is weak or has feeble intestinal fortitude. It merely means one may want to keep HIS side private, but one cannot be guaranteed of that if one enters into a relationship with you. So…I don't know, it may be that you're scaring some good ones away? In any case, I wouldn't be surprised if more men expressed their concern over this issue.

  5. you're amazing. i truly hope there is someone out there special enough to burden the weight of dating a person like you. kinda like with all the unique minds… it ain't easy to find someone who will make you smile.

    but i have faith. not the "i believe in jebus" kind, but i have faith.

  6. Robotnik, I agree. But I'm very respectful about not writing about someone if they're uncomforable with it. I mean, I'll write about them, but I certainly won't blog it. His life can be private. He cannot, however, take objection with the things I write that aren't about him. Well he can, but no one will be happy.

  7. Maybe it's just because I'm a girl, but I think a blog would make you MORE attractive to a guy. Yes, you do share vivid and intimate details of your life, and maybe that makes some people uncomfortable. But, really, I find it admirable, and I think that openness and honesty would be obscenely attractive to a man. (Read: a MAN, not just any guy.) Besides, a smart man would see it as a road map of you. It's like you come with directions. In a good way.

  8. well, Bernstein really didn't have a choice, and for every couple that works like Ephron& Pileggi there is an unfortunate pairing like Katherine & Colin Harrison

    > Hey, really…look at Nora Ephron and her
    > "Heartburn" novel. Bernstein dealt with
    > it, didn't he?

    > She went on to marry Nick Pileggi–he of
    > "Wiseguys" and "Goodfellas" fame.

  9. TC, he didn't but he knew whom he was marrying. Nora came from screenwriting lineage (Phoebe and Henry Ephron known for "There's No Business Like Show Business" and "What Price Glory"). You take your chances marrying a writer, and expect to be either slammed or revered. Sooner or later.

  10. just curious –

    If the roles were reversed, and you found his blog after that evening, and it was very much like yours is, how would you react?

  11. I could either obsess over it, combing through details, analyzing and passing judgements, or I could say, I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist… and just enjoy him when I'm with him… you know, like people. It's willpower and chance.

  12. I really hope that the next girl I date has a blog like this one. I would love to read all about her past, her thoughts about everything from family to…god forbid…sex. I think he was a lucky guy…

  13. For me, an unknown girl with a blog can be attractive, to see her world as she sees it, but if we were to become "involved," I'd back away from reading. One — because hopefully she'll tell me what she wants me to know, and two — so she won't have to edit herself wondering if I'm going to read something on her site and take offense.

    Thoughts and ideas are always a better experience when face to face. I'd hate to read about what a great or bad time she had and not hear about it from her first. Clumsy conversation wins out over good writing.

  14. you dont' care? please. why not just shave your head and gain 40 lbs? obviously you care. from what u write, you're blatantantly obsessed with finding a man.

  15. Stephanie never writes about a guy when she is dating him. I really respect that and think that she is doing the right thing. Plus, she changes the names as well when she does…so no one knows except her and that person.

    You can look at her writing on the blog two ways…personally, I think it is great knowing about what she thinks and feels. If it was me, I would want to know what she has been through and what makes her the person she is today. She is saying that she is an open book and will not hide anything from you. I can't think of anything wrong about that. Now for the bad side…some PSYCHO could take it to the next level by constantly trying to contact her either by e-mail, phone, or IM.

  16. People with something to hide, hide. Those they need not hide anything, do not. It's flattering to occupy someones thoughts enough that they take the time to acknowledge you. God forbid, that someone affects you enough that you share those experiences. But like you said, "Deal".

  17. Well gosh, folks… since we've all weighed in…

    Stephanie, if I had won a blogger with a whissssssstle, and it mattered enough to her, I think I'd trust that she'd treat it the right way.

    If I had won a songwriter, would I react well to a line in a song?? I think so. If I had won an artist, would I react well to an image drawn in charcoal. I would. (As I'm sure Linus did.) In other words, I guess I'd find a way to DEAL.

    Overall, I think I'd like to see a sign in her work that I was there… that I had an effect… made an impression. If it was a bad one, well, wouldn't I find out soon enough anyway??? If a good one, well, wouldn't I say "You had me at 'Thank you.'"

    Maybe he will. Maybe he won't. Hope he does!

  18. I can definitely see all points that everyone is making.

    I think it is awesome to be able to have something like this blog and if it's not about him, then why should he care? He could have someone who is amazingly creative!

    Doesn't everyone google the new person they are dating??? (well thats why I have heard) Finding this blog would be like hitting the jackpot! Alright, alright I have googled a few people but never found anything juicy.

  19. I wonder if having a blog like this would ever work as an relationship insurance policy. Knowing that you recount the interesting/strange/bad (and good) treatment that you have experienced would influence a guy to be decent and upstanding even though he might be inclined to be a jerk (like the falafel/email guy)in order to be portrayed in a better light. On second thought, what am I talking about? Guys don't think that way.

  20. Danny Bee…I'm gonna rush out right now and purchase this unbelievably-original novel. Right now…I'm flying out the door.

    Since when did this blog become an advertising soundboard for shitty books?
    Please, Stephanie, don't let it get to that.
    Please.

  21. Stephanie,

    Someday you may meet someone whose only "fault" is his unwillingness to have his life with you played out on your blog. Is that really an instant dealbreaker for you? I've been accused of being too picky, but DAMN girl!

  22. Chris M…

    Haven't I made it clear… I DON'T WRITE ABOUT A GUY WHEN I LIKE HIM!!! The dealbreaker is when he's uncomfortable with my writing about my past or thoughts that are NOT about him. Sheesh.

  23. Fair enough, though I wonder what you'd write about if you were in a long-term relationship. Eventually, you'd have to give in! (no smileys or "LOL", but lightheartedly, nevertheless).

    The OTHER Chris M

  24. Different tack. The coolest thing about my new blogging hobby is the passion for the writing. Our little blogging community shares this common bond and/or passion for writing. Some of us write, some are read-only, some are both. Each of us have different styles, different themes. Stephanie's happens to be personal. I'm singing an old song, but how many people can move you by writing about cupboards for god's sake (Letterman term)? Sure she's the coolest, and yes I dig her, but for me her writing might just be the biggest attraction. Aren't we all attracted though? Bottom line, if a guy isn't attracted to her writing, her essence, I don't think he's gonna be Mr Right no matter how many doors he opens for her.

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