“It doesn’t matter whether you’re selling Jesus or Buddha or civil rights or ‘How to Make Money in Real Estate With No Money Down.’ That doesn’t make you a human being; it makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are – just to find out, for no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it’s not a conversation anymore; it’s a pitch.” –Quote from The Big Kahuna (based on the play “Hospitality Suite” by Roger Rueff)
So you’re on a first date, and you want to cut through the weather talk. So you ask… what? What do you ask? What are good first date questions which leave you with insight as to who this person really is? How do you cut through the clutter and actually spend time with someone real? Hell if I know. I’ve been on many a date, thinking it went swimmingly, assured there would be a second date, only to never hear from him. Please, I’d never call him. The man should ALWAYS pursue the woman, otherwise, he’s really, genuinely just not that interested.
Do you have any regrets?
If your idiot date says no, “I live life without any regrets,” ask for the check. Integrity is a product of regret; it builds over time because you pick something from your past that you’d like to do over, but you can’t, because it’s too late. “So you pick that thing up, and carry it with you to remind you that life goes on, the world will spin without you, you really don’t matter in the end. Then you will gain character, because honesty will reach out from inside and tattoo itself across your face.” –The Big Kahuna
If you knew you would be stranded on an island, what three movies would you take with you? If you both answer this question, you will learn what kinds of movies you’ll have to watch through the course of your relationship… There are those that might add porn to his list, and others who would add “An instructional movie on how to survive on an island.” Right there, in that difference, you’ve learned a lot about how your date thinks. Mine: Little Women, Good Will Hunting, The Shawshank Redemption (if I could have a fourth, it would be a comedy… but it’s too hard to choose one)
If you had three wishes, and you can’t wish for more wishes or anything having to do with money or world peace, what would you wish for? 1. To always be able to eat whatever and however much I’d like without ever having to exercise, and I’ll always be healthy, strong, fit, and thin. 2. To have a very happy and healthy close-knit family including an amazing husband, and three kids, with several grandchildren nuggets 3. To move easier and more swiftly through rejections and loss.
What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do? Walk away from my marriage
Name your top 3 favorite bands. (aka what music do you listen to?) 1. Barenaked Ladies 2. REM 3. Indigo Girls (gasp)
Do you do any (bad) drugs? If he actually admits to anything at least you know he’s honest. I’ve never tried any drugs. The jury is still out if I’d ever date anyone who does.
Can you be in love with more than one person at the same time? This question doesn’t have a right answer… but it does give some insight into top level views on love and how people justify things.
What are deal-breakers for you? Liar’s and mamma’s boys
How often do you talk to your mother? Enough said.
If you don’t like your date, how do you let them know? Do you just never call or do you tell ’em at the end of the night? I won’t call him back, and I prefer not being called if he’s not interested. The whole, “I just don’t think we’re a (gagging at this word) *match* but we can be friends” is unnecessary. If someone doesn’t call you back it means s/he isn’t that into it. Next. Don’t whine that you need an answer. You have the answer; pay attention to it.
If you do like your date, how long do you wait to call them? I like when he calls right away. Here’s the whole deal with this. Listen up. If a woman is digging’ you, she wants you to call. If you do it right away or wait a while it won’t matter. She already likes you. If she isn’t diggin’ you, she doesn’t want to hear from you anyway… but some girls get anxious if even the guy she didn’t like doesn’t call, so some boys work that angle. At the end of the day though, she still won’t dig you after your next date. You can usually tell right away if you like someone.
Most of the answers matter, and some, despite not hearing what you’d hoped for the answer, you decide to grant a second date because of chemistry, because of want and instinct. Because you know that your rigid checklist hasn’t worked so well for you in the past, and sometimes you just have to let go, get beyond the “good answers” and just live it. It’s scary, but it’s fcuking hot as hell. And I look good in red.