I was referred to as "game," as in, "Dude, you’re messing up my game." I guess it should be flattering, being called "game." It’s better than being called chicken. Still, suddenly, I’m drinking a non-chardonnay drink, and I’m some guy’s game. Flattering?
It’s so not.
It’s common, actually. And no one wants to be made to feel common. I mean, there’s good common, right, you know, Kraft products. Sure you’ll eat a rare steak from Sparks from time to time, but it’s not nostalgia; it’s no Mac’ ‘N Cheese. Kraft is home across America… that’s common. And while I grew up, my mother didn’t do Kraft, but somehow, because it’s common to America, it has become my nostalgia, too. It’s contagious. What’s common to you becomes comfort.
We’re attracted to what we know, to the familiar, even when the familiar isn’t good for us. We all, in one way or another, are looking for home. We cling to common, so sometimes, when someone makes us feel common, despite our immediate urge to honor our flight mechanism, we stay, because it’s what we’re used to. We know we should leave, but we stay out of comfort.
As soon as someone treats us differently, honors us, makes us feel special, we become stressed, or overwhelmed. It’s not what we’re used to. It’s change, and even good changes are stressful. And we’ve been complaining for so long, wanting to be treated differently, and when differently walks in, we lower our heads in submission and fear. A whimper might even escape.
Women don’t want to be taken to the place where everyone knows his name. I know you think we’ll be impressed, but really what we’re thinking is, he’s been here so many times, and he has memories here already. It’s one thing if it’s his favorite little spot, and he knows you’ll love it because of who you are, so he wants to share it with you. They’ve got great fries, or the best little truffle sandwich. He has put thought into it, not picked it because he was there the night before and couldn’t think of anything else. It would be different if he wanted to introduce you to his friends, show you off, but there’s a difference between planned and lazy.
New places mean uncertainty and vulnerability. We don’t want 1-800-FLOWERS or bouquets of candles, cause we know that’s what you do. It’s your power move. That’s your common. Common can just be lazy, and we like effort. We came to think that we’d bring you to such great new heights, and you would sore above common. You’d extend yourself to another person. We all want to feel special and unique, but it’s tough in a lazy world of 800 numbers, habit, and Kraft products.
Do I really give a shite where he takes me? Well, no, as long as I feel safe, I don’t care where we go. The company is all that matters, but ever notice how common assumes an unmistakable likeness to “come-on!” As in, make a little effort you lameass. You know text messaging your ex-girlfriend on our date makes me feel common… as in a common fool. It’s disrespectful, to all of us. And we teach people how we want to be treated.
Here’s the rub. When we are treated right, we’ve got nothing to complain about anymore. And what fun is that? I mean, I’m a helluva complainer, so perhaps; just maybe, we create things to complain about. So we can make ourselves feel more common… because common is comfortable.