repeats

In ALL, LIFE OBSERVATIONS by Stephanie Klein9 Comments

My first job in Marketing, I worked for Juno Online Services. While I was there, I worked with a man named Bob Cherins, a white haired marketing man from Livingston, NJ with a mission: ugly sells. "Better that, make it double ugly." Bob was in marketing, speaking to creatives who rolled in at 11am four days a week. We’d need a day off to replenish our creativity. His double ugly mantra meant sometimes to grab a pair of eyes, you have to break some rules. You can’t follow clean modern lines; you need to break through ’em. It was about the time when everyone encouraged everyone else to "think outside the box." Be the box; hack around the box. I was quite content with my own red box.

To double ugly it is to beat ’em over the head with obvious. Just look at the chicken cartoon, with the little ol’ chicken lady who bops Fog Horn on the head with a rolling pin, to drag him away, unconscious, to marry her. The rest of the hens just clucked in the barn. It doesn’t get more obvious than a rolling pin.

"If something is free," Bob lectured, "say it often. It’s not like we’re ashamed of it." So be ugly at every opportunity. Sell. Sell. I see it all over the streets of Manhattan, and I’m not talking billboards. Everyone is out there selling themselves. Some people even do it in a leopard print.

It’s autumn in New York, so they blanket themselves in trend. They drip broaches, hug in fur, and drape a peasant blouse over their spray-tanned shoulders for good measure. They scream, I’m fashionable in a very ugly way; I’m about to get ugly.

It’s my birthday party tonight. I’m celebrating not quite being 30. I’m not ashamed of it, so I’ll repeat it. POP BURGER 10:30PM, 9th AVENUE and 15th Street. Please come. I feel like you guys are my buddies cause you know gobs about me. I’ll be the redhead, cause I’m good at that.

Oh, and in case you missed it, I’ll hit you on the head with it… I want to find a boy to lick. Oh, and just try to tell me it will happen when I stop looking for it. Buy me a drink, say it to my face, and stand back.

Comments

  1. Wish I could also be there and I live just about 3 1/2 hours away! If I leave now, I'd be there by 1am, that is if I can find a parking spot. HA!

    I've been selling myself ugly for the last 3 days. I'm disgusted with the corporate world, but that's my problem!

    HOWEVAH… Have a wonderful, happy birthday celebration! And look for the boy. He'll be waiting for his licks. *L*

  2. I really feel bad about missing your bash, and if god have given me the ability to be in multiple places at once, I would've been there to toast ya.

    Happy birthday, Steph.

  3. (sung off key and entusiaticly)
    Happy Birthday day to yoooooooou
    Happy Birthday day to yoooooooooooooou
    Happy bithday dear stephanieeeee
    Happy Birthday day to yoooooooou!

    I just found out eakier this year that that son is copyrighted so just my luck the riaa will come bust down my door for puttin it on the web for you…lol

    But seriously Happy Birthday. I would be there isf I could but Asheville NC is quite a distance for NYC.

    We'll be celebrating here for ya though!
    Danado

  4. Happy Birthday honey!I wish I could come buy you a cocktail to help lubricate your evening however I'm stuck shivering in Edinburgh at the moment(Scotland's having abit of a cold snap……why are you not supprised?) I hope you get so drunk you wake up with bruises you don't remember getting,which I find is the true test of the night before and all its adventures!
    Happy Birthday,me and many others will be with you in sprit,Samantha.

  5. i kinda regret not going now – i almost did – but i had a race to run in the morning. i'm sure it was lots of fun … happy birthday!

  6. Happy Belated Birthday! I was on the road yesterday, driving driving driving. Pffht! So I missed the all-around birthday wishes. I hope you found someone lickable. And/or bruise-able. And if not, at least had some great wine. :)

  7. HOPE YOU HAD A DELIGHTFUL DAY MISS KLEIN,

    THOUGHTS WERE WITH YOU BUT ALAS AN OCEAN TOO FAR
    FOR ME.
    WRITE THE GODDAM BOOK PLEASE…………..
    MAY THE COMING YEAR BE FILLED WITH SUNSHINE FOR YOU JUST LIKE THE SUNNYNESS YOU BRING INTO OUR LIVES
    MATT HAYWOOD

  8. Hi Stephanie, sorry we weren't able to hook up. It was just too difficult to manuever my group of women to Pop Burger. We ended up at the Bubble Lounge. I had a drink to you, though.

    Happy birthday. We'll share a drink to it next time I see you, dear.

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