chicken shite

In ALL, LIFE OBSERVATIONS by Stephanie Klein9 Comments

I didn’t show up to his Saturday night party because I was “chicken shite.” He phoned me at 5am on this Sunday morning to tell me so.

He was right.

For the most part, I like to avoid situations where I foresee myself getting upset, feeling rejected, and leaving feeling uglier than when I came. It’s like being a plus sized woman walking into a fashionable upper east side boutique. The sales lady pretends to hunt for a size 14 pants, though she knows they don’t carry anything upwards of an eight. Even approaching the store you feel worse than if you’d stayed in bed.

In this particular case, chances of the aforementioned scenario were in my favor. He’s a flirt for one; and it’s his party so really that has to be okay. Cause when it’s “your” party, “you” can do whatever you want. “For the most part” is mostly yours. I would have left defeated, feeling alone, and certainly our correspondence would have ended. I expected the worst.

“I can’t believe you didn’t come. And I’m calling you now to give you shite for it before I forget tomorrow.”
“I told you I didn’t want to come.”
“See me this weekend then.”
“The weekend is over.”
“See me Wednesday.”
“Well, we’ll see.”
“You’re such a chicken shite. I have to go.” Click.

The question becomes, why would I put myself in a situation where the odds were stacked against me. The probable risk was higher than any reward, but perhaps by not even showing up, I lost it all before I even had it. I don’t know. Isn’t it a sign, when I fear that much that the guy will disappoint me that there must be signs cluing me in that there’s a reason I feel that way? Aren’t I better off with a guy I’d never worry was kissing some girl at a party other than me? There are men I’ve dated where I’ve always felt safe; it had nothing to do with looks, and everything to do with devotion. Any man who makes me guess is guaranteed to have a shorter show list, a list where my name won’t be crossed off. I’d rather be with someone I trust from the start than someone I worry about from day one. And it’s not in my head; it’s in the signs. In the way he surveys a room when you’re together, muttering a bit about his ADD. I know I want a gentleman, someone true to his feelings, who shows loyalty, even before there is a cause to. It’s just something you feel. It’s gut. And not following you gut instinct is chicken shite… or at least it leads to a dead alley of “wrong” and “I told you so.” Still what do I want with a guy who waits until 5am to tell me I’m chicken shite. “I really want you there” goes a long way. I guess putting it on the line makes us all a little chicken shite sometimes.

Comments

  1. Trust your instinct.
    Why didn't he call you at 11? At 1? Why wait until 5? Talk about chicken shit.
    If he really, really, really wanted you there, he would have called a handful of times before 5. Forget about the "maybe she'll think I crazy for calling, maybe she'll think I am coming on too strong, maybe she'll show up in a few minutes". Maybe he should read (or grow some) the BALLS post. Shit or get off the pot!

    Bygones…..NEXT!

  2. Follow your gut, Stephanie. You clearly made the right choice. But don't totally give up situations where the odds are stacked against you IF you think the person's worth it. If that's the case, then the reward is well worth the risk.

  3. Totally agree with Michael R. That guy is the one who is chicken shit. He should have at least called sooner. So what if it would have made him appear to be coming on too strong. That is the risk a guy has to take if he really wants you and wants you at his party. He had every opportunity to call hours earlier and passed them up.

    Many people miss the signals until it is too late. You have stated that you have already seen them, which is huge. I know it is early, as you would have been writing about him a lot more often. However, if you don't think that you can trust him now, you likely never will.

    And the NO BALLS comment is right on. BALLS would have been leaving his own party to come pick you up because he really wanted you there.

  4. Hey, I've been reading your blog for quite a while and all your entries about the fancy Manhattan parties, the famous beautiful peops, the pictures of happy people with colorful drinks, etc. have just confirmed that no matter what the grass may seem like over here or over there, we are all, fundamentally, lonely by nature.

  5. What a fucking PUSSY. I would have done what Tom said. You need to walk away from this one Stephanie, he sounds like he's all about HIMSELF.

  6. i feel like i'm playing devil's advocate here, but just remember that the boys have their share of insecurities too. i respect the trusting-your-gut thing, but i just know that after you get burned a few times, sometimes our intuition starts to jump the gun in terms of telling us to run away. you should cover your emotional ass as best you can, but sometimes you have to be brave and just give someone a chance to prove your gut was wrong.

  7. Forget that he waited to call until 5 a.m., people, and acknowledge that he called Our Beloved Ms. Stephanie Klein a most unkind name. There are more tactful expressions of one's disappointment than "chicken shit." A man should adore a woman. "Chicken shit" is not adoration.

    Next.

  8. God, I am watching Chris Noth on an old Law & Order. I can't believe that he did that to his friend! Okay, maybe I can.

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