crapass central

In ALL, LIFE OBSERVATIONSby Stephanie Klein10 Comments

I despise sunny days in the city, especially near this crapass park. I should move to the West Village, so I can shop and get drunk on filthy martinis while I’m outdoors. I need to move. Being anywhere near a park is just a reminder of what I don’t have. SPACE. There’s no space in this city, and I never feel it more than when I’m near the park full of it. On bright days, everyone comes to enjoy the space, overcrowding it and depriving us all of any privacy.

The park is full of people, doing things they should be doing indoors. Like holding hands, and wearing their children like necklaces. They’re running. Isn’t that what the frickin’ treadmill is for? I don’t even like dates in the park, on blankets, even if there is a guitar. You know why? It’s just not me. I fcuking hate Central Park. I’ll say it again; it’s crapass. These sunny days keep me from movie theatres and bookstores out of guilt. “How could you be inside on such a magnificent day? You’ll have all winter to do that.” I don’t care about trees or parks or rollerbladers. I don’t want to submerge myself in it. A lovely day like this is for lounging by a private pool and planning a barbecue. It’s for gardening and looking through magazines only for the pictures. I don’t want to be near runners or families or idiots laying around in bikinis thinking they’ve got it good. You’re sharing all this space with all these strangers, and you’re dressed so intimately doing it. All these people are sharing their intimate moments in such public spaces. They’re sweating, bonding with their families, and stripping down to underwear alternatives. Get a room.

Comments

  1. the last time i got a room in manhattan, i looked out the window and saw two people looking in. it's all a public place there i'm afraid.

  2. yowsers.

    Did a certain someone get run over by a jogger or a roller blader in the park this weekend?

  3. I'm apparently in the minority b/c I love this post. It explains nearly perfectly why NYC should only be enjoyed in short bursts and should not be lived in unless one has gobs of money–in order to fly out of it on a moment's notice to find space.

  4. you despise sunny days? sounds like someone needs to strengthen the dosage of their anti-depressant medication

  5. HELLZ YEAH. i feel the same way. i grew up by the beach and i always hated the beautiful days b/c then EVERYONE from the ends of the earth come flocking to the beach, all decked out in bad swimsuits and annoying loud talking and litter. i don't hate beautiful sunny days, i just hate what it does to my environment. i wish that on gorgeous days like that, the city would suddenly become deserted and i could go outside and enjoy the peace and sunshine all by myself. as fucking selfish as that sounds that's what i want.

  6. HELLZ YEAH. i feel the same way. i grew up by the beach and i always hated the beautiful days b/c then EVERYONE from the ends of the earth come flocking to the beach, all decked out in bad swimsuits and annoying loud talking and litter. i don't hate beautiful sunny days, i just hate what it does to my environment. i wish that on gorgeous days like that, the city would suddenly become deserted and i could go outside and enjoy the peace and sunshine all by myself. as fucking selfish as that sounds that's what i want.

  7. HELLZ YEAH. i feel the same way. i grew up by the beach and i always hated the beautiful days b/c then EVERYONE from the ends of the earth come flocking to the beach, all decked out in bad swimsuits and annoying loud talking and litter. i don't hate beautiful sunny days, i just hate what it does to my environment. i wish that on gorgeous days like that, the city would suddenly become deserted and i could go outside and enjoy the peace and sunshine all by myself. as fucking selfish as that sounds that's what i want.

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