wedding date

In ALL, LIFE OBSERVATIONS by Stephanie Klein18 Comments

People I know are getting married, MARRIED, and I can’t even find a date. Jennifer keeps offering, but I was hoping for a man. The problem is, you don’t want to bring just anyone to a wedding. As the maid of honor, I’ll have duties; he’ll have to be cool about being abandoned. And I’ll apologize too often about abandoning him, so he’ll have to deal with that too. And he can’t want to dance the whole time, or not dance the whole time. He’ll have to have a tux and not tell me where it came from because we really don’t care. And he has to have that ability to make me feel beautiful and wanted, to touch my arm, to stare at me and get caught doing it, then produce a wry smile. He has to get my anxieties and make me laugh at them, know that for a girl who was once married alcohol and vows might make me… oh I don’t know, want to throw myself in front of a meat truck. And he can’t smell or have a small penis incase I get drunk. And I will get drunk, like you read about in medical textbooks beside photos of damaged livers. Rage.

Comments

  1. When I get drunk I always start talking about sex such as "one night stands sucked for me" or "there are good men out there" or "why doesn't he love me?" or "how does it feel for a guy to get a blow job?".

  2. Wedding Date Reply:

    Qualified, but ineligible.

    An occasional dance? Check!
    Tux? Yup!
    Arm touch? More natural than you could know.
    A stare and a wry smile? Gotcha! I'm great at wry.
    Smell? Nope.
    Small? No again! I'm great at… well…

    Single? (Sorry… And I was doing so well.)

    "Why don't I meet single men?" you once asked.

    "Why didn't I know I could be so interesting when I was single?"

    Rage? (Sigh) Lament.

    Qualified, but ineligible.

    Have a great time!

  3. why do you need a date? what about the statistic that like 50% of couples meet at weddings? keep you options open.

  4. why do you need a date? what about the statistic that like 25% of couples meet at weddings? keep you options open.

  5. "I can't even find a date." The question is why do you feel you NEED a date? Maid-of-honor or otherwise. If there's no one worth taking, go solo. Hell, I'll be in your fair city in a month serving as my brother's best man and I'm not bringing anyone.

    Of course, that's mostly because I do not want to inflict my family upon any potential dates. And there are ALWAYS single, drunk bridesmaids to fill any void.

  6. Allright, put all that on a T-Shirt, walk around Manhattan for 5 minutes, you'll be set.

  7. 3 possible opportunities to find a date at a wedding (why try beforehand? You'll be working harder than you need to)

    1. Meet somebody outside church before wedding.

    2. Meet somebody inside church before wedding.

    3. Meet somebody before reception.

    4. Meet somebody during reception.

    Ok, so that was four…

  8. this guy sounds more like The Perfect Man. if you find him, steph, take him out to more than the wedding.

  9. Sacred goddess Stephanie, who can pass through this temple and not yearn to drink from the carafe of love and to serve you more of the same? Now imagine the effect you must have on those who must surely experience enchantment from just your presence, much less a word or a kind, but, nonetheless fleeting, glance. You have 'presence' and effortlessly command attention. You can ordain to others; so why not ordain yourself divested from the pedestrian requirements and limits that bind the lesser mortals. You can go alone.

  10. I understand the need for a date at a wedding, but as a former maid of honor, I know you don't really have much time for guys. You're at the mercy of the bride– and my friend was a really really low maintenance one. I totally forgot that the wedding day was my husband's birthday– didn't even tell him happy birthday till the next day on the drive home! (And have yet to completely live that down). So it would have to be a very secure man to not mind you being completely caught up in girliness. I second (third?) the folks who say try to meet someone fab AT the wedding. And if that doesn't work, you can always head to some great bar after in your great dress (hopefully it's great) and meet someone there. You'll attract them like bees to honey if you're sitting there all gorgeous and sad.

  11. When's the wedding? If it is soon, then you won't have that connection that you are looking for.

    You are really looking for a relationship and as you know it doesn't happen overnight. It progresses over time.

  12. "EVERY SINGLE PERSON WAS INVITED WITH A DATE… "

    UGH! That sucks… but there WILL be cake. :) If in doubt, sublimate. :)

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