For the first time in my life, I don’t think I have the words to drape over these horrible feelings of pain. I feel betrayed, completely rejected, ugly, lonesome, foolish, and week. I have no strength left for feeling second. My throat hurts from crying all day. I need another Hugh Grant movie and a new nose…. mine is too stuffed. I can’t breathe. I’ve been outside all day, studying the clouds, trying so hard to remind myself that it’s not the end of the world, there’s a whole universe out there. And I know I won’t remember this pain in a few weeks. But my feelings aren’t convinced. I feel like I’ll always be picked last. For sports, for teams, for plans, in this life.
Picture this scenario. Two dudes at a bar. One guy is feeling an insane need to speak to a woman across the bar. So his friend is a sport and goes for the ugly girl to help his friend out. I know there’s a clever name for this wingman, but I don’t know it. I feel like I’ll always be the ugly girl to everyone. And no, this didn’t happen. There was no wingman. Yet, I still feel like the leftover chopmeat in the fridge. Days like this, I hate my red hair, despise my freckles, and all of manhattan. I don’t care how good I am at any of my creative outlets, cooking, or friendship. I am terrible with rejection, and even worse when I feel betrayed. I am hating every single second of this day. I am just miserable. And can’t stop sobbing. And I know I’ll be fine again. It’s just human, and well, I’m a little too human today. Not to worry, I’ll be supergirl again soon… ya know, once I’m out of tears.