likeness leads to liking

In ALL, INTROSPECTION by Stephanie Klein10 Comments

I have a beautiful stomach. It’s white and smooth and sinks concave, exposing a shallow bowl of skin, hollowed to my hipbones. I feel desire so strong, sometimes it masquerades as hunger; I can feel it there, warm and purring. I like watching it move, pulsing in pleasure. I smell my odor; the deodorant has worn thin and ineffective as I rub myself. I am seexually attracted to myself, to my stomach and odor, the way I breathe and quiver. But I’m sometimes not enough, so I evoke thoughts to help the pleasure along, like singing on a trip. Lately it’s a strong hand pressed into my back, practically marionette strings. I can’t see the hand; I only feel the warmth and strength in it, as though I could collapse my weight into the palm, and it would still catch me. I fantasize about safety. Even in my seexiest thoughts, I conjure security and crave for it to press into me.

There’s nothing as seexy to me as a man taking what he wants. That strong hand feels safe, protective, and upon thought and dissection, even selfish. But I understand about that, and give way to it, feeling safe, powerful, and good. I can get lost, even as I type this, eyes closed, in the thought of a man with his arms around me, his hands pressing me, pulling and pushing me in a kiss, all while I’m really very still and going nowhere at all, that kiss can be ecstasy. A metroseexual does not kiss like that. A man with lust and passion kisses like that. And I’m afraid lust and passions have way too much mental real estate on my block.

Sweet is fine. Sweet is slow and steady and usually wins the race. Sweet is never fantastic. Now, here’s my admission. I draw and pull too much emphasis on lust and passion. I gravitate toward it like it’s all that matters. It governs my decisions; you’d think I had a penis. It makes impractical decisions, makes me want to wear a short skirt without panties to the supermarket. I don’t know how to get over its importance. Maybe I need to go shoe shopping, some track shoes for the pole vault. I can hurdle this. I can.

Okay, I can’t. I’m stuck all day in my head, lazy with seex and drunk on my thoughts, the rich spasms of my stomach as I climax over and over again. Maybe I just need a boyfriend. Playmates don’t bring you soup and movies when you’re sick—don’t ever learn your Starbuck’s pick, that you hate licorice and like your Matzoh ball soup without noodles. Boyfriends fall asleep and wake up too early.

I worry that I’ve never fully loved a man solely based on who he is. I weigh how he treats me, and how he feels about me, and when I like that bit all right, I jump right into “I love you.” And once that gauntlet is thrown, there’s no rewind. But you meant, I love you… really as… I love everything about you that loves me. I love everything about you that looks like me. I love that you love that song, too. It’s catchy. It’s also kinda wicked witch talking to the prognostic mirror. We love the reflection, the “likeness leads to liking” thing. The birds of a feather two-bit. I don’t know what it is anymore to really truly even like someone.

Perhaps the only way I will fall in love is to fall in like first. And how boring is that. Put it right up on the table beside the sweet, will ya?

Comments

  1. Here's a good story. My friend Mandi hasn't had it easy. Her mother died when she was 11, her half-sister recently passed way at the tender age of 4. Mandi has been through the ringer in the dating market- online, horrific blind dates, 1 long term relationship (in which she never felt butterflies but was in b/c she feared being alone). Now finally at 28 she has just met someone who is awesome- They just click(for the 1st time in her life she is truly satisfied with a man). He's very sweet plus the passion is their(great in the middle of the afternoon kitchen sex). I know it is an elusive combo sweet plus passion but it does exist.

    I know you question if you will ever be able to love a man for who he is but maybe that is because you have never met the one for you. It will be something you don't have to question it will just be right.

  2. love the whole post. good thing you changed the tone towards the end 'cause i was beginning to pack a chubby here at work

  3. This post is one of the most erotic things I have ever read. And that's saying something…

  4. Prognostic mirror…. ….

    If likeness leads to liking… can likeness lead to loving?

    Of course compatibility does weigh in to a degree in a relationship, but is it everything? Can’t you love more than the reflection? I love how you take your cappuccino with extra foam even though I take mine without. I love the way you blast your favorite song in the car even though I completely loathe the song.

    This is why I’ll never understand women. I recall one of my more tragic endings to a relationship. I remember reading one of her final letters. She dedicated a song to me. With stark clarity, I remember those gut wrenching lines that were bolded and capitalized for emphasis. “Excuse me, think I’ve MISTAKEN YOU for SOMEBODY else……SOMEBODY MORE LIKE MYSELF” ( I guess that’s one more song on my soundtrack) Many a night was spent contemplating these words, analyzing them, dissecting them, trying to understand. She said too many differences hindered our relationship and thus was the cause of why we couldn’t work out. Too bad for me, I loved each and every one of those differences. They made up who she was. And I loved her. So she was practical and I was illogical. So she was quiet and reserved, and I was outspoken. She loved pasta and I despised it. I loved her with a passion. I guess that isn’t enough. I guess she’d prefer the mirror over the man.

    Loved the post.

  5. Brilliant and profound introspection. And yes, erotic. Falling in like first doesn't necessarily exclude lust and passion. Rather I think it builds a strong foundation of trust. Lust and passion is fantastic with trust.

  6. Lust, love and sex cannot be explained by any one person. Even if one had the ability to get into ones head who is to say that you will be able to connect on the same level. As close as you get you will never be close enough to share your feelings, emotions, pleasure!!!

    This is how you feel and no one can say "i know" they can only say "i can only imagin" and get close but never near enough.

  7. likeness leads to liking, really? no 2nd thot?
    re-reel(supose u did) The Net with Sandra Bullok & see how it sways u. U'll seek fall in luck.

  8. Today, the Ohio GOP had some fun at Brunner's expense by pointing a story in USA Today that airlines largely are eliminating paper tickets in favor of those issued electronically. The newspaper reported that by the end of this year, more than 99% of airline tickets issued by travel agents are expected to be electronic, or e- tickets.

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