Spicing things up

hundreds of facts all about me

In ALL, INTROSPECTION, MY LISTS by Stephanie Klein

Stephanie Klein’s Greek Tragedy lives here at STEPHANIEKLEIN.COM (so please update your bookmark or subscription feed)

1. I wet the bed until I was in 6th grade.
2. I ate dinner with Jack Nicholson. There were 5 of us. I don’t recall if he actually ate, but he didn’t talk.
3. I get diarrhea more than a normal person and have no qualms about sharing it with everyone in the shorthand version ‘rea.’
4. Chris Noth (Mr. Big from Sex in the City) asked me out on a date, while his friend (my date) was in the bathroom.
5. Anyone who can play acoustic guitar rocks my world… as long as they sing, too.
6. I don’t like vibrators, but I love dirty talk in bed.
7. I’ve been known to dress up as “the other woman” complete with wig, contacts, and fake name all in the name of “keeping things exciting.” (see image above)
8. Julie Tesser accidentally broke my nose in the 4th grade. I never got it fixed.
9. I had a pet bird that committed suicide by sticking his head between the cage bars.
10. My sister forgot to feed her pet gerbils, so one died. Then, the one that was alive ate its dead friend.
11. I have never tried a cigarette or done any drugs, including marijuana.
12. I don’t know where Wyoming or Montana are on the U.S. Map. Oklahoma, neither.  Okay, now I know where Montana is because my sister moved there.
13. I was always afraid of ducks when I was little. Their feet scare me.
14. The second toe on both my feet is longer than my big toes. It’s called the Royalty Toe.
15. I once weighed 168.5 lbs. And wore a size 16 pants, a men’s size 36.
16. When I drink alcohol the bridge of my nose turns bright red.
17. I still worry about my weight but I somehow manage not to puke up my food after every meal like most of Manhattan.
18. I was a vegetarian for 9 years until I was tempted to eat a chicken nugget.
19. I lost my virginity when I was 15 to a boy named Eric Fink.
20. I hate tuna fish or salmon out of a can, but I will eat both as fillets or sushi.
21. I won’t date anyone who can fit into my jeans.
22. I hate the gynecologist. Nearly every time I’m there, I faint out of fear.
23. Receiving oral sex does nothing for me.
24. I got alcohol poisoning when I was 14, and I didn’t drink after that until sophomore year of college.
25. I can touch my tongue to the tip of my nose
26. I hate barbecue chips and sauce, but I like dry rub ribs from Memphis.
27. I hate learning history.
28. I have always excelled in math, even though I was an English major.
29. I love karaoke.
30. I have never shoplifted.
31. I have never lost money gambling. I always win at Roulette.
32. I am ¼ Greek, ¼ Puerto Rican, ¼ Russian, and ¼ Austrian
33. I was raised Jewish, had a bat mitzvah, went to Hebrew school, yet my mother is Greek Orthodox.
34. I once worked cold-calling people at home to sell Chimney Cleaning Services.
35. I am a distant cousin to the person who sings the theme song in the movie Manequin (Nothing’s gonna stop us now—Starship)
36. I know all the lines in the movie “When Harry Met Sally.”
37. I have seen every single episode of Three’s Company.
38. A photograph of me appeared in Newsday when I was protesting power lines
39. When I’m sick, I stay home and watch the entire Anne of Green Gables series.
40. Yes, my hair is naturally red, and no you can’t make me prove it.
41. The same day I had all 4 wisdom teeth pulled, I ate eggplant parmigano. No swelling.
42. While ordinarily I am not a pious person, sleep away camp was a religious experience.
43. I had an abortion, and it’s more than just some item on a list.
44. On a stormy night, when I was 9 years old, I said aloud that I wanted a sign there was a god. I turned over a deck of well-shuffled cards, and I pulled out 2 aces in a row, then I put the cards away.
45. My dad is my best friend.
46. I wear a 34C.
47. I detest any type of beer, including Apple Jack.
48. I had the opportunity to cheat on my SATs. I didn’t.
49. I called in sick to work one day because I was up all night playing Final Fantasy.
50. I have tweezed my entire pubic area because I was bored.
51. “Woman on Top” was the worst movie I’ve ever seen next to “Nothing But Trouble”
52. I met Dr. Phil and spoke with him at Da Silvano
53. I find Angelina Jolie very sexy. My friend Rachel from college went to high school with her and said she was very weird, dressed in Goth stuff.
54. “Playing by Heart” and “If Lucy Fell” are wonderful sleeper movies.
55. I met Eric Schaeffer at the premiere of Wirey Spindell. I walk around my apartment quoting him to my dog.
56. I have never been to New Orleans, Las Vegas, Chicago, or Texas. But I want to.
57. I own a cordless dewalt drill and keep it in my bedroom.
58. “Lovey Dovey” is a terrible expression. Don’t say it.
59. Thunderstorms are sexy.
60. I don’t like pizza. I’ll eat it, but I don’t like it.
61. I love when my change purse is mostly quarters.
62. I love getting lots of earwax on a q-tip.
63. I don’t understand people who eat onions like an apple.
64. New England Clam Chowder is my favorite type of soup. Soup served in bread bowls is good, too.
65. I should have named my dog Linus, “Templeton” after the rat in Charlotte’s Web
66. I like to watch boxing, and the only time I like to watch hockey is when they’re fighting.
67. I don’t understand how any woman can be seen in stockings and sneakers, even if it is a commute. There is absolutely no excuse for this.
68. My favorite ice cream flavor is Mint Chocolate Chip, BUT it has to be from Baskin Robbins’s or else I don’t like it.
69. Meryl Streep came up to me in a museum and told me she liked my hair.
70. I don’t have much tolerance for the pharmacy counter at Duane Reade.
71. I had a huge crush on my teacher Vincent Emilio in high school.
72. I don’t understand people who do touristy things in any city.
73. I have never balanced a checkbook.
74. I’m an exceptional cook.
75. I cannot bake.
76. I love cold sheets.
77. Grilled cheese sandwiches, tomato soup, and chocolate milk is a perfect rainy day meal.
78. My favorite flowers are peonies, ranuculus, and French tulips. I think roses are cliché.
79. Favorite Snack food: Crunchy Cheese Doodles
80. Favorite Candy Bar: Twix
81. I love too many restaurants to ever pick a favorite.
82. Sharon Olds is my favorite poet.
83. John Irving and David Sedaris are my favorite writers.
84. I own way too many chick flicks for my own good.
85. So I married an axe murderer is one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen.
86. I once had 2 therapists at once (not including the multitude of friends who are my therapists when the real ones aren’t around)
87. I have a sister who has the same color hair as I do, except hers is completely straight.
88. I let my dog lick me in private places but this reads way worse than it is.  I don’t get off on this.  I don’t even get started off it.
89. I am attracted to men that make me go crazy… and I hate being crazy.
90. I watch movies. All of them. All movies have been watched by me.
91. I find it disturbing that someone I’m dating would ever want to film me having sex with him.
92. I can climax from having intercourse. Normal sex.
93. I like fancy things. Fancy men, fancy clothes, fancy food, even my fancy dog.
94. I changed the words to Steve Miller Band’s Big Old Jet Airliner to Big Fat Red Vagina.
95. I have a tough girl attitude, but really I’m a soft turtle inside and worry that the simplest things will make me cry.
96. I like oysters and caviar, but I hate Foie Gras.
97. I like pointy shoes and broaches
98. I like ladylike church hats but never find an occasion to wear one.
99. I like seex in the morning when I’m still half asleep, whether or not I’ve brushed my teeth.
100. I love warm laundry.
101. I like the smell of gasoline, tennis balls, dry cleaning, and roasted chicken.
102. I like to draw using a grid.
103. All the things I’m good at in no order of importance: drawing, photography, cooking, seex, writing, singing, storytelling, fishing, giving good advice and shopping.
104. I’ve been married. We’re still going through a divorce.
105. Once, make that twice, I let a guy watch me pee because he thought it was hot.
106. When I get hot, the hair around my face gets kinky, frizzy, wild.
107. It takes a whole lot to make me sweat even a little.
108. When I have a fever, my cheeks turn pink.
109. When I get my hair straightened, I attract a whole different set of men who want to get in my pants because I look so hot. I like that, but at the same time I hate it.
110. I claim to like to play video games, yet I never do. I’d rather watch a movie I’ve already seen.
111. I have slept with multiple people in the same day, not all at once.
112. I call people “dude” and begin many conversations with YO.
113. I let my dog crap on my floor because I’m too lazy to walk him.
114. I don’t care about a guy’s muscles.
115. I hate when I’m dating someone stubborn with no fashion sense. Shoes and belts do matter.
116. I keep an enormous jar of jelly beans on my desk at home. I never eat them, yet I always need to refill it. Hmmm. Can Smelly, Jennifer, Abtin, Michael, Erin, and Lea be to blame?
117. I love the idea of being a tourist in my own city, but I’ve never done it. See number 72.
118. Despite it all, I love Martha Stewart.
119. People are always shocked when I tell them Oprah is my role model. She is. Really.
120. When I was little, I picked my nose and wiped it on the wall. My mother called it “The boogy Patch.” One day, she found a booger on the dining room table. I said, “I swear it wasn’t me. Lea did it.” To which she responded, “No, it couldn’t have been Lea, cause she eats hers.”
121. I worked as a food critic while at Columbia University, and then I worked at Zagat’s reading and sorting through all those surveys.
122. I believe in Karma.
123. I don’t like the smell of sunflowers. They smell like dead.
124. I like the idea of camping.
125. Barenaked Ladies move me deeply.
126. When I have children, I’m going to have make your own taco night.
127. I like summer: lemon water, eating under awnings, dog runs, jam jars filled with wildflowers.
128. Enough with Audrey Hepburn.
129. It sounds nice, the idea of naming your freckles. I don’t do that though.
130. What type of people buy and then go fly kites?
131. I love pattent leather Todds.
132. The sound of a muffled baseball game on the television puts me at ease.
133. I adore pom-pom socks.
134. I don’t think I’ve ever had a boy buy me lingerie. This makes me sad.
135. I bite my nails, and despite trying nailtiques and bitter apple stuff, I can’t stop.
136. All the things I’m bad at in no particular order: playing golf, sometimes listening, actually, the more I think about it, this could be its own list. Let’s not go here.
137. I think everyone should own at least one pair of cashmere socks.
138. Sam the Eagle is my favorite muppet.
139. Of all the animals out there, I would like to come back as an Eagle.
140. I still love Caroll Burnett.
141. Almost all of my friends and ex-lovers describe me as a cross between Elaine Benes and Sarah Jessica Parker (especially in the movie Miami Rhapsody). I can see the Elaine bit, but I feel more Diane Keaton.
142. I like waspy names. I love waspy clothes.
143. I don’t like when people sign off their letters with cheers, peace, or later.
144. I hate when people use LOL.
145. I think the book The Rules sucks. I never play by them. I’m too impatient… I make my own.
146. If I was a boy, my parents would have named me Rory.
147. My favorite seex symbol is Applebee in the Movie “Stealing Home”
148. I google search everyone.
149. I really love my job and the people I work with. Really. They rock.
150. I like watersports. Not those.