September 1, 2015


school of rock

It’s the first day of September, and it might as well be New Year’s Eve, with less black. I have a stack of resolutions I’m determined to keep, now that my beans are back at school. Re-starting some forgotten habits, getting into good routines. Fresh start. A bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils! Posting the everyday, […]

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August 21, 2015


mom mom momomomomom

They say that hearing your name from the mouth of someone else, personalization, has a soothing influence, ego-boosting, but I can assure you the name “Mom” said by my children every tenth of a second is bat-shit-fcuk annoying. I also despise what most of us mothers do following any complaint about our children. We feel […]

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August 2, 2015


masters of sex

An episode of Masters of Sex aired tonight about a man whose wife had an aneurysm, a stoke. People call her a vegetable, her husband calls her a corpse. He says his life is over, being her caretaker.  I have a pit in my stomach. I am afraid. I realize Phil is on blood thinners, […]

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July 29, 2015

Comments Off on distractions


It was the first night I slept alone in our new house. We moved recently. The kids are in the same school district but will attend a new elementary school. On Monday night, Phil’s parents took the kids, and after visiting Phil, I returned to an empty house, in a new neighborhood. I bolted the […]

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July 29, 2015


Inside look


We’re now in the Stroke Unit. Phil has successfully sat up in a chair, walked and negotiated some stairs. He tripped up some on the stairs but instinctively grabbed for the rail, which is what they look for–that you know how to help yourself. Today he has another procedure. They’ll be putting him under to […]

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July 28, 2015


wiggle your toes

Phil couldn’t wiggle his toes. The entire right side of his body was immobilized. He had no peripheral vision in his right eye. When the doctors lifted his arm in the air, he was unable to hold it there. He had absolutely no feelings or control, couldn’t move any part of his right side. When […]

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July 27, 2015


If you need anything

Phil is having a severe stroke. He cannot move the right side of his body at all. Not his eyelids. “If you need anything, please let me know.” I wish I was a better delegator. I wish I could tell someone. I need someone to take the kids to camp, pick them up for lunch, […]

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July 21, 2015

1 Comment

guest dressing, a summer wedding

Oh, the hell. I know people read books and pin quotes of inspiration about loving ourselves, as we are, because let’s face it, hating ourselves hasn’t served us well all these years. So, fine. I love myself and my sexy curves, but I hate shopping for clothes who haven’t gotten the memo.

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